Pages (Recent dairy)

Doston, jahan main apne mazi k kuch safhat aap logon say share kar raha hon wahi yeah bhi samjhta hon k aaj ki dairy ya apne ehsasat bhi aap say share karon.

Aaj kal main aik beemari say nimat raha hon, Chemotherapy chal rahi hai jis ki taklif aur shidat ka ehsas is beemari k bare main kuch na kuch jante hain.

Sath hi sath aik aur gham say nimat raha hon yeah gham meri zindagi ka sab say bara rog ban gaya hai, meri zindagi aik mazakh aur tamasha bn k reh gae hai, Aik ensan jis ki hum ji jaan say chahat karain, arzoo karain, chahain, apna samjhain, aur woohi insane humari sari mehnat ko sari chahat ko hum say cheen lai, humare pass kuch na rahe tu kia hota hai? Kaal raat main buht roya, aur wese bhi yeah rona meri zindagi ka aik lazmi hisa ban chukka hai, jabh jabh main kisi ko dil say yad karta hon tu meri ankhon say ansoo nikal parte hain.

Yeah aik bilkul alag kahani hai, meri zindagi main Mazher, Asif, Allan, Asim aur bhi kuch log aye jin k sath doosti rahi, jin ko dil say apana mana un k jimson ki nahi rooh ki pooja kari, jism ki poja har kisi ki nahi ki jati, jin k sath Milan hota hai wooh bht hi khas log hote hain. Buht khas!

Wooh insane meri zindagi main 3 baras pehle ayaa, jabh hum is muhalle main bilkul newly shift howe. Mere gher k bilkul samne wala gher un logon ka tha, wooh larka mujh say parhne k liye mere pas aya sham k wat main farig hota tha isi liye socha chalo parha deta hon, jabh parhana shuru kia tu pata laga k us ko tu likhna parhna bilkul bhi nahi atta, main nai apni pori koshish aur menat kari raat ko late night tak beth kar parhana aik aik bat samjhana shuru kari, sath sath us ski family say bhi humare family terms ho gaye, kuch month k baad pta laga k in logon k financial condition kuch achi nahi tu main nai fesla kia k iss larke ki parhai ka sara kharcha aur zima mera hoga, main nai aur mehnat aur dil say parhana shuru kia, 8 month ki mehnat k baad who larka is qabil howa ki kisi school main us ko text dilwa kar admission kara sakon, umr kuch ziada thi mgr koshish tu ki ja sakti thi, main nai apne bharose aur yaqin k sath uss larke ko kuch school’s main admission test dilwae, aur after test uss larke ko clas 8^th main admission mil gaya, main buht khush tha k es larke ko aik mouqa mila k wooh agai barh sake, ess larke k gher ka mahool sirf etna tha k larkiun ko gher say bahar nahi nikalna chahiye aur larkon ko khuli azadi hai jo chahe karte phire. Main nai us ki moral tarbiyat bhi karna shuru kari, aur wooh school jane laga, school ka sara kharcha mere zimeh tha, phir us k pass ache kapre nahi thy, school main aur logon k samne main nai yehi zikr kia k yeah mera cousin hai. Aur jabh yeah mera cousin hai tu I k pas bhi ache kapre hone chahiye, pehli dafa wooh mere sath market gaya aur apni pasand k kapre kharede. Aur hum ne bahar hi khana khaya. Ahista ahista main us k aur wooh mere qarib agaya. Etna qarib k meri zindagi ka maqsad aur sari tawajah us larke ki taraf ho gaye. Main apni pori koshish karta k jitna jaldi office say free ho sakta hon gher jaon aur baqi ka sara tym us larke k sath guzaron.

Uss larke k gher k financial halat kharab say kharab hote chale gaye, us k gher wale har mushkil main aur har pareshani main mujh say rabita karte aur job hi main kar sakta tha kia. Ahista ahista main us larke ka aur who larka mera hota chala gaya, humari umr main 8-9 year ka farq hai. Mgr aik hi saal main wooh larka mere etna qareeb agaya k uss say sab kuch kehne ki himat oh gaye, guzre aik saal main mujh ko buht logon nai kaha k main uss larke k bht qarib na jaon, khud us k relatives jog her k qarib hi rehte thy nai mujh ko aksar warn kia k main in logon kko ziada moun na lagaon, mgr main nai sab say yehi kaha k jabh mere dil main koi khoot nahi, mera maan sacha hai, mera dil saaf hai tu koi ghalt insane bhi mere sath ghalt nahi kar sakta. Wooh mera bharosa aur mera yaqin tha. Main nain us larke ko bata dia k main aik gay hon, wooh mujh ko bhai kehta mgr rehta aik buht ache dost ki tarhan tha, waqt guzarta gaya aur wooh 8^th say 9^th main agaya, muhalle main us k kuch aur dost bhi ban gaye, un doston main wooh kuch ziada hi ghul mil kar rehne laga tu main ne etiraz karna shuru kia k yeah sahi nahi hai abhi apna sara dhayan parhai par du mgr wooh na mana aur bahane bahane say awaragardi karne laga. Main jabh buht ghussa hota tu us say bat karna choor deta, aur jabh bat karna chorta tu wooh bhi salam tak na karta, kuch din k baad thak har kar main hi us say bat karta aur phir samjhata k kia sahi hai aur kia ghlt. Wooh kuch din thik rehta aur us k baad phir say woohi harkatain shuru kar deta. Main jalta aur kudta reh jata. Kabhi kabhi esa mehsoos hota k jese koi us ko mujh say chin na lay, ess dar say aur ziada dekhta note karta k who kabh kahan jata hai aur kis say milta hai kia karta hai, mgr wooh meri aik na suntan abh us ka dhayan parhai par bilkul nahi tha, bus awaragardi, doston k sath yahan wahan uthna bethna ache kapre pehenna, perfume estimal karna bus yehi sabh reh gaya tha aur main us ki chahat main us ki aik khushi k liye kisi bhi had say guzar jata. Us ne jo manga main nai us ko dya.

Uss k har khwab ko main na sacha karne ki pori koshish kari sirf us ki wajha say us ski family ko buht ziada financial support kia. Aik aur bars nikal gaya, main kabhi rothta tu wooh manta bhi nahi es doran humara sirf oral hi howa tha. Us say agai barhne ki mujh main himat nahi thi kiun k mujh ko abh kuch shak hone laga tha k mujh ko use kia jar aha hai, aur logon ki batain yad arahi thi k yeah logon say wafa ki koi umid nahi. Mgr main apne piyar main andha aur behra ho gaya ta, main abh bhi yehi soch raha tha k agr mera piyar sacha hai tu mere sath kuch ghalt nahi hoga, us ko jabh bhi kisi cheez ki zaroorat hoti wooh mere pas ata aur main us k honton say nikalne say pehle us ki zaroorat ko pora karta, us ski koi esi wish nahi thi jo main nai pori na kari ho. Koi esa arman nahi tha jo 2 years main pora na howa ho. Main andhon ki tarhan agai barhta chala gaya, iss doran mujh par bht bore aur mushkil waqt bhi aye mgr main ne hamesha khud ko akela paya, tanha paya, main yehi sochta raha k wooh aye ga aur mera kandha sambhale gaa, mujh ko sahara day ga aik dost ki tarha aik piyar kare wale ki tarhan. Mgr kabhi esa na howa. Mujh say mila tu door mujh ko text karna bhi buht mushkil tha, han jab bhi koi kamhota aur zaroorat hoti tu who call bhi karta aur text bhi karta. Akhir aik din esa agaya jab mere sabr ka pemana khatm ho gaya. Uss ne mujh ko pichle 2 year say dhoka dia shayad is main us ka qasoor nahi, jabh kisi insan ko us ki soch au heiyat say ziad mila shuru ho ja tu esa hi hota hy, ya shayad us k gher walon ki tarbiyat hi kuch esi thi k samne wale ko uss waqt tak estimal karo k jabh tak who thak k haar na maan lai, main har manne ki position main nahi tha 9^th k exams howe tu main khud uss k school gaya wahan ja k mujh ko pata laga k yeah school main funter giri karta hai, badmash mashoor hai, parhai main bilkul null mgr dosre kamon main sab say agai, yahan tak k school ki principal ne keh diya k iss umr k larke ko school main admission karna un ki ghalti thi aur abh wooh shayad uss ko school say expel out kar dain.

Yeah sab mere liye achanak tha aur main tu samjh raha tha k yeah buht acha parh raha hai, mgr esa kuch nahi meri wish thi k ess ki school main good will ho, yeah khud ko buht acha student banai, apna aur mera naam roshan kare, mgr sabh kuch uss ka ulta ho raha tha. Uss par yeah bhi k uss ka aik sath 2 larkiun say affair chal raha tha.

Abh mere liye bardasht khatm ho rahi thi, main tu jese buss aik ATM machin ban k reh gaya tha wooh larka aur uss k gher wale mujh ko buht buri tarhan istimal kar rahe thy, ese k jese main un ka bank hon aur jahan inn ka koi account bhi nahi aur jese chahain jitna chahain loot lain.

Yeah mere liye buht bari azmaish thi, aik taraf mera piyar tha, meri chahat thi, dosri taraf munafiqat, dhooka aur fareb tha, main nai khud ko samjhane ki buht koshish kari k main hi ghalt soch raha hon mgr har ane wale din kuch na kuch esa ho jata k jiss say mere bharose aur yaqin aur etimad ko buri tarhan taklif hoti, uss ko badalne main us ski family ka bht bara hat tha mgr yahan bi aik aur insan tha jis nai uss ko mujh say chin lia, main nai pehle uss larke ki bht ezat kari k yeah ess ka dost hai mgr ahista ahista uss larke nai us ki soch, aur fikr ko badal dala, aur yeh wohi naam hai jo meri zindagi main bar bar ajata hai. Atif, ess larke ka kam sare muhale ki larkiun ko patina aur un k sath flirt karna tha, khud larkyan bi esi hi hoti hain tabhi sab kuch jante howe who bhi game khelti hain, din bhar kisi na kisi sadak par kisi na kisi jaga par bethe rehte aur mobile par chit chat ya awara gardi. Sham ko ban than k ready howe aur phir awara gardi. Jabh had ki bhi had ho gai, tu main nai bar bar socha hazar bar socha k abh mujh ko kia karna hai aik dafa phir dil aur dimagh ki jang shuru ho gai, yehi socha k akhir kab tak estial hota rahon ga? Akhir kab tak log mujh say aur mere jazbat say khelte rahe gai? Akhir kab tak main ess larke ko aur ess ki cheating ko bardasht karta rahon gaa, mere hi pese par yeah larka ess k gher wale aur iss k dost ayashiyan karte phir rahe thy aur main apne room main baith kar sochne aur rone k elawa kuch aur nahi kar sakta tha. Main bar bar sochta aur har jata k nahi “main uss k bagher nahi reh sakta,” aik mouqa aur deta hon, khud hi say batain akrta ar khud ko normal rakhne ki koshish karta. Mgr wooh larka nahi sudhra ahar anai wale din mere liye mushkil say mushkil hota chala gaya. Koi uss ko samjhane wala nahi tha, main bhi aik had tak hi samjha sakta tha aur bata sakta tha. Meri chahat ko wooh samjh hi nahi pa raha, aur main us ski chahat main andha aur gonga hota chala gaya, meri tbayat aur halat bhi mera sath nahi day rahi thi, mujh ko bhi kisi dost ki kisi sathi ki talash thi k jis say main bat kar sakon, apna keh sakon, 2 saal tak sab kuch jesa tha wesa hi chalta chala gaya, mujh ko uss k jism ki nahi us ski rooh ki zaroorat thi, uss k piyar ki aur woohi care jo main us ki karta tha mgr wooh khud aur us k gher wale jab koi kam hota tu yad karte nahi tu hafton kuch pata nahi hota main hi paglon ki tarhan us ko yahan wahan dhoondhta phirta us ki aik jhalak dekhne k liye jane kia kia karna parhta. Mgr na hi meri halat aur na hi mera pyar us ko kuch samjha paya, din guzarte rahe aur main aik ache din ki umid par roz jeeta aur mart  gaya mgr us ko chorne ka khayal bhi nahi soch paa raha tha k kese jeon ga us k bagher? Kia karon gaa aik baras aur pora hone wala thaw ooh ab metric main tha aur wooh school parhne nahi jata tha balke funter giri karne ya apni gf’s k sath cher khani karne. Main khud ko bht majboor aur tanha mehsoos karne laga, iss aik insan k liye main nai 3 baras kia nahi kya? Sabh ne roka magr main nahi ruka, us ne jo chaha aur jesa chaha kia mgr aaj mujh ko yeah sila mila jahan badnami, zliat aur dhooka.

Main abhi tak koi fesla nahi kar pa raha k karon bhi tu kia karon? Kuch samjh nahi paa raha k uss ko choor don? Ya achi umid par us k sath rahon.

Aaj woohi howa jis ka dart ha us ki funter giri nai sare muhalle main mera moun kala kara diya aik larki k peche buht larai hoi, aur who Atif us k peche peche tha. Mere dil main ata k main Atif say hi khul kbat karon mgr kese karon? Aur kia karon jabh wooh ensan jo meri rooh main utra howa hai meri bat nahi samjh raha tu ye Atif kese samjhe ga kahin mera aur tamasha na ban jae.

Main nai essi larke say bat karne ka fesla kia, apne samne bitha kar uss ko har bat keh dali, shayad meri ankhon main ansoo bhi thy, uss k hath per jore k who esa na kare, khud ko kuch banae, khud k liye kuch kare, meri mehnat ki kamai ko ese loafaron par na urai. Zindagi sirf aik bar chance deti hai esi iye kuch kar le nahi tu sari umr pachtana hi parta hai. Hamesha ki tarhan uss ne wade kiye qasmain khai aur next day say woohi old routin.

Abh main nai break up ka fesla kar lia hai main ese ghut ghut k nahi jee sakta, jo hoga dekha jae gaa. Maron gat u nahi uss k bagher, mgr ….

Aaj uss k abu nai mujh say kisi kamka kaha sari rat main hospital main tha mustaqil bleeding ho rahi thi, us ko call kari text kiye us k baap ko us k bhaiun ko call kari text kiye mgr koi jawab na mila Karachi say door yahan sirf aik hi asra tha k yeah log mere kaam ayege mgr sari raat koi nahi aya. Aur main sari raat hospital main akela hi para raha. Aur jab utha tu uss k baad ki call aye main nai un ko bolwaya unhon nai jitni raqm mangi wooh main nai un ko di aur kaha k “”Uncle abh bus bht ho gaya, mujh say abh aur bardasht nahi hota, main koi ATM machine nahi hon, aap main say job hi mujh ko phone karta hai ya text karta hai tu sirf aik hi kaam k liye aur main kabhi mana nahi karta, mgr kal rat jis azab aur karb main main nai guzari hai us k baad nahi, mera aur aap logon ka sath shayad yahan hi tak tha, jis ki khatir main nai etna kuch kia who mujh ko kehta hai k (bhai yahansab su gaye hain main bhi su raha hon hum subh bat karte hain) yeah sunne k liye 3 saal say …… nahi uncle, main nai aap ko hamesha apana jana aur mana main koi pagal nahi hon na hi koi edhi home khol rakha hai, aap ko apna kaha tu main nai bhi apnon ki hesiyat say apna farz pora karne ki pori koshish kari, apne gher walon ki aur dosre logon ki parwa nahi kari, jabh uss ensan k pass mere liye tym nahi hai tu main bhala kiun, sari raat who Atif say bat kar sakta hai aur apni girl friends say bat kar sakta hai tu yahan mere pas hospital nahi asakta?” aur bhi bht kuch kehna tha mgr kiun k hospital tha esi liye foran khud par ctrl kia aur moun dosri taraf kar lia Uncle sahib bhi apne who pese le kar chale bane.

Update!!!

Doston,

Sab say pehle mazrt k dairy tym pe update nahi kar paa raha hon, wajha kuch zati si hai aik meri tabyat dosra meri weekly Lahore sy Karachi ka ana jana, yeah sab mere liye bht mushkil hai. Phir har Monday ko meri chemotherapy hoti hai jis ki wajha say mujh ko bht taklif hoti hai aur 2-din tak meri halat qabo say bahar rehti hai.

Meri dairy tub ht bari ai, mgr mushkil yeah hai k es dairy say kitne safhe nikal kar likhon? Phir bhi meri koshish yehi hai k jitna likh sakta hon likh dalon.

Khaas kar who batain jin ki wajha say meri zindagi main halchal hoi, badlao aya aur meri zindagi ka tariqa hi badalta chala gaya.

Allan k sath meri mualqat aur phir Pakistan ana ar  us k baad wapis London jana aur us k bad k halat tu aap parh hi chuke hain. Allan shuru din say hi meri bht care kar raha tha, jan bojh kar bhi main kisi bhi manfi (negative) soch ko apne dimagh main ane nahi dy raha tha mgr main bhi aik insane hon, aaj k iss tym main kon kis kicare karta hai who bhi etni k main easly settle ho jaon.

Kher, us sham hum bht ache mood main wapis aye, Allan nai apni sex worker wali job chorne ki bhi khus khari sa di thi. Mujh ko yaqin nahi ho raha tha k Allan etni asani say meri baton ko samjh raha hai. Mgr phir bhi dil hi dil main bht khush tha. K Allan ki shakal main mujh ko aik acha dost mil gaya tha.

Main nai bhi fesla kia k Allan ki jitni care kar sakta hon karon gaa. Apni zaat say jo kar sakta hon karon gaa aur kisi bhi bat ko apni mabori nahi banaon ga, kiun k main yeah fesla kar chukka tha k main abh apni majboriun k sath nahi ji sakta mujh ko abh apni marzi say aur apni zarooraton k hisab say khud ko manag karna hoga aur jo koi bhi mera hath thame gaa main akhri waqt tak sath nibhaon gaa, ezat karon ga, care karon gaa chahe natije kuch bhi ho.

Wooh raat mere liye bht qimti thi, us aik rat main main nai pehli dafa kud say apni sari hadain par karin, Allan aur main 2 jis mgr aik jan ho gaye, pehli dafa khud supardgi ka ehsas howa, aur job hi howa us main sirf merzi hi nahii balke meri chaat bhishamil ho gaye, aur jabh 2 jism aik an ho rae hon ar khud supradgi ka ehsas ho tu Milan k lamhat kuch aur hi jate hain, (es bat ka ehsas jism k sodagaron ko aur har dosre jism k peche bhagne walon ko bilkul nahi ho sakta). Ye sooch aur ehsas tu sirf unhi ko nasib ho sakta hai jo rooh say jism tak ka safr karte hain. Sari raat hum nai jis tarhan guzari us main hum ko wooh raat hi kam parh gaye, na kisi bhi qisam ki thakan ka ehsas na hi koi dar aur khoof. Na hi koi aur baat buss main aur Allan thai aur humari sansain, hmare jism aur humari rooh.

Pata nahi kabh aur kitni dafa hum nai aik dosre ko chaha aik dosre ki jimson ko pooa kari aur  kabh aik dsre ki banhon main su gaye.

Ankh khuli tu Allan su hi raha tha main utha wqt dekha tu din k 12 say oper ka tym ho gaya tha, mgr iss neend aur jagne ka khumar hi kuch aur tha, esa ehsas pehle kabhi nahi howa tha.

Main uta ahista say Allan ko apne oper say hataya, aur washroom ja kar shower liya tu Allan bhi pehche peche agaya hum nai aiksath shower liya. Ar sath hi change waghera kar k bahar nikle, bhook ka ehsas ho raha tha. Main aur Allan aik sath chalet howe bahar nikle tu meri halat hi kuch art hi, chal main aik nasa tha mind main bhi alag nasha chal raha tha. Main tu jese hawaon main urh hi raha tha ar Allan mera hath pakar k jane kia kia bol raha tha, hum log kabhi future plan karte kabhi aaj ki bat karte. Hum logon nai aik qaribi resturent main lunch kia aur wapis hostel agai, wapis akar hum mamool k mutabiq parhne beth gaye.

Humare din aur raat aik dosre k sath buht ache guzarne lage, humare semester howe aur sab kuch buht acha howa.

Allan apni job pe laga howa tha aur bht khush bhi k us ki jan choti. Main apne news paper aur flowers ka kaam main laga howa tha. Karachi main bhi sab kher kheriyat thi bus meri sis Canada chali gaye thi mgr ami nahi gaye thi.

Aik din jabh main news paper bech raha that u wohi khatoon jo pehle aye thi aik dafa phir mere samne khari thi, mera tafsili interview kia aur mujh ko aik card diya card dekh kar pata chala k who khatoon aik buht bare news channel main assistant director hain. Unhon nai kaha k office ajaon. Baqi batain wahin hongi.

Main nai iss mamle par Allan say bat karne ka fesla kia abh mere har fesle main Allan shamil tha. Rat jab main wapis hostel puhancha tu Allan bht pareshan betha howa tha. Uss ki pareshani kia thi meri kuch samjh nahi aya. Main nai normly shower lia phir us say kaha k mess main chalet hain khana khate hain. Wahi bat karte hain kia howa hai. Aur us ne bataya k who next week Canada jaa raha hai kuch family issues howe hain us k lye jana bht zaroori hain, main heran reh gaya aur kuch keh bhi na saka kiun k Allan k bager rehne ka tu soch bhi nahi sakta tha aur yeah jane ki bat kar raha tha. Main us ko rok bhi nahi sakta tha aur jane bhi nahi dena chahta tha. Magr waqt aur halat nai esi karwat le lit hi k sabh kuch badal chukka tha. Main apni bat bhi nahi ke saka abhi humare Milan ko sirf kuch hi din tu howe thy main aur Allan bht khush thy, mgr Allan kuch din k liye hi sahi jane tu wala tha.

Aur phir who din agaya jab Allan London say Toronto (Canada) k liye rawana hone wala tha. Main bilkul chup tha kehne k liye kuch bhi nahi tha. Main bus gum sum tha aur bht koshish kar k apne ansoo chupa raha tha. Hum log sath airtport aye yahan akar hum nai aik dosre ko buht kuch samjhane ki koshish kari us ka plan tha k wooh 2 weeks main wapis ajai ga mgr mujh ko nahi lagta tha k ajai gaa kuch na kuch kahi na kahi gar bar thi mgr aik umid thi k wooh aye ga kiun k uss ki studies abhi baqi thi wooh bhi pora saal ki.

Aur us ki boarding ka elan howa aur wooh airport ka andr jane laga main abh apne anso nahi rok saka aur pehli dafa Allan ki ankhon main bhi ansoo thy. Allan nai mujh ko samjhaya k main kese raho aur pareshan naa hon wooh mujh say contact main rahe ga aur jald wapis ajae gaa. Main nai uss ko gale lagaya aur ruqsat kia kafi dair tak main departure lounge k samne khara raha aur jabh Allan nai mujh ko call kar k bataya k abh wooh on board ha tu main ne wapsi ka rasta liya. Dil main bht ghubar bhara howa tha. Himat aur hosla kar k apne aap ko sambhala tha aur jese hi main hostel k room main wapis aya tu phat para washroom main ja kar bht roya buht roya. Etna k khud hi ko sabhalna mushkil hone laga kafi dair tak shower lene k baad main room main aya aur khud ko tanha meshoos kia, main nai reading table par dekha tu wahan Allan ka laptop para howa tha, main heran reh gaya k wooh yeah kese bhool gaya? Anjane main ya jan boojh kar?

Abh tu Allan ko call bhi nahi kar sakta tu wooh tu safr par rawana ho chukka tha. Main aik taraf beth kar apni aur Allan ki yadon ko taza karne laga. Thoda dair main mera mobile baja call Karachi say thi aur ammi ke thi.  Meri khr kheriyat pochi aur man nai Allan ka bataya tu ami ne bhi himat di.

Main chah kar bhi apni halat ka kisi ko nahi bata sakta tha. Sham k 6 baj chuke thy aur meri job ka tym ho chukka tha main job par jana nahi chahta tha mgr ye soch kar k nahi jaon gaa tu aur pareshan honga aur mujh ko jana hi chahiye. Majboran tayar ho kar nikla aur apna kaam sambhala mgr aaj kuch bhi karne ko ji nahi chah raha tha yehi soch soch kar dil pareshan ho raha tha k pata nahi Allan kia kar raha hoga. Jitna jaldi khud ko farig kar sakta tha kia aur wapis hostel agaya. Wapsi par apne liye cigerate bhi le liye thy yeah aik naya kharcha tha jo main nahi karna chahta tha mgr aaj ki rat bht mushkil thi jab say yahan aya tha Allan mere sath tha aur aaj pehli dafa esa laga k main yahan tanha hon.

Main nai Allan ka laptop utha kar sambhal kar rakh dia aur khud mess main ja kar khana waghera khaya aur wahan say farig ho kar apne room main akar books khol kar beth gaya na hi khana sahi say khaya gaya tha aur na hi parhne main dil lag raha tha. Mainbed par akar let gaya. Aur apne aur Allan k sath guzre howe waqt ko yad karne laga pata nahi kitni dair tak meri ankhon say ansoo nikalte rahe, khud say batain karne laga aur kabh ki kabh main meri ankh lag gaye. Ankh khuli tu subh k 6 baj rahe thy mainnai fresh ho kar namaz parhi aur gid gida kar dua kari mujh ko himat mile aur sabr mile.

Phir ready ho kar University agaya aur routine k kam karne laga kisi kam main kisi class main dil nahi lag raha tha bus din kisi tarhan guzr jae yehi dua kar raha tha.

Kuch din ese hi guzr gaye har guzrane wala din meri uljhanmain izafa kar raha tha kiun k jabh say Allan gaya tha sirf aik hi dafa cal kari thi meri kisi cal aur text ka who reply nahi kar raha tha. Pata nahi wahan kia chal raha tha.

Main naiaik din unhi khatoon say (jin ka nam main yahan share nahi kar sakta) phone par contact kia unhon nai mujh ko agle din office bolwaya. Main next day uni say farig ho kar un k office puhancha. Yeah dunya k sab say bare news network ka office tha yahan meri mulaqat director say karwai gaye jo in khatoon k walid sahib thy aur ess news channel ki urdu service k director thy, mera aik buhat langa interview howa. Main nai un ko apne study visa aur aur limited work permission k bare main bataya. Un khatoon nai mujh ko yaqin dilaya k agr main yahan kaam liye select ho gaya tu mujh ko part tome job permission bhi wohi dilwain gi ar baqi mamlat bhi wooh khud he manage kare ge. Aik hi din main mere 2 interview howe aur main thaka hara hostel wapis agaya wapis akar Karachi call kari aur ami ko baytaya. Abhi ami say bat kar k pone rakha hi tha k mujh ko Allan ki call agai, main ess call ka bht becheni say intizar kar raha tha. Call receive karte hi main phat pada Allan nai meri pori bat suni aur waha k halat ka bataya aur kaha k uss ko wapis anai main kuch aur tym lage gaa main ai us ko laptop ka yad dilaya tu us ne kaha k who khud jan bojh kar mere liye chor kar gaya hai. Main nahi abhi tak us ka laptop istimal nahi kia tha. Wooh aik lambi call thi Allan nai mujh say mere bare main pocha aur apne bare main bataya sara tym who yehi kehta raha k main apna khayal rakhon aur pareshan nah on apni study karon aur meri new job k liye gud luck bhi kaha.

Allan say bat kar k kuch sakoon mila. Phir main nai Karachi aur Canada apni sis ko text kia aur sone k liye let gaya.

Back in london, start of a relationship wid Allan

Hum log jab jahaz main bethe tab aik khayal mere dil main aya jo es say pehle kabhi nahi aya tha, who yeah k Akhir esi kia baat hai jo Allan meri etni care kar raha hai mana k dunya main insaniyat hai aur bht hai mgr Allan ka mujh say etna lagao? Koi khas wajha? Aur meri yeah soch bht gehri hoti chali gai, Allan samjha k main su gaya hon, mgr main apni ankhain band kar k London k pehle din say aaj tak ki har baat par ghoor kar raha tha, kabhi manfi khayal ata kabhi ache khayal, na mera aur Allan ka koi rishta tha, na hi hum old friends thy, na hi humara mazhab aik tha aur 9/11 k baad tu angrez Pakistani logono say wese hi bhagte hain tu yeah Allan mujh main etna interest kiun le raha hai? “yeah bhi sach hai k aaj meri shaksiyat main Allan ki chap lagi hoi hai. Uss say jo kuch bhi sekha aaj who sab batain meri shaksiyat ka hisa hain. Dairy main agai chal kar aap ko andaza ho gai gaa k main esa kiun keh raha hon.”

Main nai apne dimagh main ate howe sawalat ko wahi roka apni ankhain kholi tu Allan bhi ankhain band kar k leta howa tha, main nai jan bojh kar uss k kandhe par apna sar rakha apna moun us ki taraf kia aur apna hath us ki kamar main dal kar sone ki acting kari, yeah sab kar jan bojh kar raha tha mgr andar say yehi chahta bhi tha. Allan nai bhi koi muzahimat nahi kari, halanke hum jahaz main thy log hum ko dekh sakte thy mgr main koi esi harkat nahi kar raha tha jis say Allan ko koi problem ho ya jahaz main moujood logon ko koi etiraz ho, sabh hi apne ap main magan thy.

Jahaz Qatar utra yahan humara 2 hours ka stay th aur flight change honi thi hum log airport par aye tu main ne socha k ami ko bata don kiun k meri had tak tu thik hai mgr Allan k liye ammi ko kuch khas entizam karna pare ga mgr Allan shayad samjh gaya tha us ne aik dafa phir mana kar dia k kisi ko kuch nahi batana wese bhi kuch hi hours ki bat hai hum Karachi main honge.

Hum log boarding lounge main akar beth gaye halka phulka nashta kia aur main Allan ko apni family aur rehn shn k bare main batane laga. Mujh ko ye khayal aya k ami ko nahi tu kia apne cosin bilal ko tu bata sakta hon aur who kisi ko kuch batai gab hi nahi kiun k Allan ka mere sath hona mere liye aik mushkil tha ammi log aik lower middle class area main rehte thy jahan kisi angrez ka hona khud us k liye security ka masla ban sakta tha. Main nai Allan ko apne khayalat say agah kia tu Allan nai har man li main nai yahan (Qatar) say Bilal ko phone kia tu who heran howa main nai us ko qasmain de kar kaha k kisi ko na batai bus hum ko lene airport ajai aur Allan k liye kisi hotel ka entizam kare baqi main wahan akar dekh long a, us ne kaha k kiun na who uss k gher ruk jae, Allan bhanp gaya tha us ny saf saf keh dia k jahan tum wahan main mutlb k jahan main rukon gaa wahi Alan bhi ruke ga. Kher, cosin mere ane ki bat sun kar bht excited ho gaya aur uss ne kaha k who mere Qatar say rawana hone ke aik ghante baad airport puhanch jae gaa.  Main nai aik dafa phir us ko kaha k kisi bhi tarhan gher pe kisi ko pata nahi lagna chahiye. Us ne wada kia k esa nahi hoga. Humari karahi k liye fight ka elan howa main aur Allan jahaz main bethe aur abh Karachi ka khayal mere dil main tha, ammi mujh ko ese achanak dekhe gi tu kia hoga, sara khandan hoga sis ne apne Canada jane ka plan abbu k chehlum tak k liye cancel kar diya tha. Who bhi ghr par hogi. Hum ko Pakistani tym k hisab say subh hi Karachi utarna tha.

Aur bilakhir jahaz Karachi airport par land howa. Hmare pas saman k nam par jst 2 hand bag hi thy jin main kuch kapre thy isi liye custom per koi issue nahi howa Allan say Pakistan amad ka maqsad pocha gaya aur us nai saf saf bata diya k mere sath mere dad ki death par pursa dene Karachi aya hai. Jis par duty officer sirf muskura hi diya, hum log jese hi departure launge say bahar nikle samne Bilal khara howa tha. Uss ne mujh ko dekha tu awaz lagai aur main nai Allan ko us k bare main bataya hum log gale mile main ro para (aik tu mujh ko bat bat par rona ajata hai) mutlab k anso pata nahi kiun nikal parte hain.

Bilal apne kisi dost ki carola car le kar aya tha hum log usi main beth kar mere gher jane lage, main nai Bilal say kaha k pehle mujh ko abu ki qabr per le chalo tu us ne kaha k pehle gher chalet hain phir wahi mgr main nai zid kari k gher say pehle mujh ko abbu ki qabr per le chalo, qabrusta gher k kharib hi tha hum log pehle qabrustan gae ar jese hi main abbu ki qabar par puhancha mere sabr, zabt k sare bandhan toot gae, aur main bilbila k rou para, mujh ko Allan nai aur Bilal nai abbu ki qabr say hatane ki koshish kari mgr wohi batate hain k main kisi zidi bache ki tarhan zid kar raha tha. Pata nahi kitna dair main apne abbu ki qabr say lipta raha honga k wahan ane wale aik buzrg nai mera kanda pakar k mujh ko hilaya ark aha kiun marne wale ko takjlif deta hon, ALLAh ki amant thi us nai wapis le li abh un ki maghfirat k lie dua karon aur himat aur sabr say kam lon, un buzrg ka hath bht nr mar shafqat bhara tha main nai apne anso poche dher udher dekha tu mere peche hi Allan aur Bilal thy dono hi khamosh khare thy hum ko shayad yahan 35-40 mint say zida ho gai thy, main nai khud ko sambhala aur fatiha waghera parh kar khara ho gaya.

Hum log shup chap gher ki taraf jane lage, lekin yeah kia, yeh rasta tu us tarf nahi jata jaha mera gher that u hi mujh ko pata laga k ammi logon nai north Karachi wala gher shift kar dia hai ar F. B. Area main shift ho gai hain, main nai kaha chalo ye tu achi bat hai, Allan kuch tu save howa.

Gar jese hi gali main ghusi tu mujh ko mere cosin nazr agai kisi k wehm o guman main nahi tha k main araha hon. Bilal ny humare new ghr k agai gari roki yeah f. b. area block 19 ka aik makan tha jo singl story tha yani separate. Bahar pholon ki kiyari bani hoi thi aur darwaza open tha ess waqt bhi shayad koi andar aya howa tha. Gari k rukte hi mere behnoi bahar nikle ar jabh Allan ko apne samne dekha tu heran pareshan kuch kae bagher andar bhage, andar tu jese hangama mach chukka tha. Bahar kuch cosin aur muhale wale mujh saymilne lage aur mere dad k intikhal par mujh say taziyat karne lage. Bari mushkil say mujh ko andar jane ka moukha laga . Bilal nai hum say pehle andar ja kar bethak sahi karwai thi kiun k Allan ko filhal wahi bithana tha.

Ami ko jese hi pata chala k main agaya hon who sabh ko chor kar apne room say bahar nikli aur darwaze par hi mujh say lipat lipat kar roi, main bhi khud par qabo pate howe ru raha tha mgr ami tu jese apna sara sabr khatm kar chuki thi kafi dair baad un ko khayal aya k main safr say ayah on aur mujh ko hosla dena chahiye phir main nai un ko jaldi jaldi ape aur Allan k bare main bataya aur yeh bhi k hum wirf 6 days k liye karaachi aye hain. Ami nai Allan say mulaqat kari s k sar par hath phera aur foran hi cosin ko sister ko hidaat dene lagi k Alan k lie aik kara thik karain, us ko sabh say pehle shower lea tha mujh ko bhi lena tha main nai us ko foran shower lene bheja, yeah naya gher 4 room a tha. Jo k rent ka tha aura mi nai sis k kene par hi change kia tha, gher ka holwa bhi kafi badl chukka tha kuch furniture agaya tha carpet lage thy har cheez bht achi tarhan rakhi gait hi, kiun k dad ki death k baad memanon ki amad ho rahi thi esi liye thora be tartibi thi mgr sabh kuch mange tha. Alan bhi ami say mil kar bht khush howa. Gher k bahar hala mach chukka tha k mere sath koi gora aya hai jo mera frnd hai tu har koi us say milna chahta tha. Mgr main nai sabh ko mana kar wa diya k abhi hum bht thake howe hain esi liye nahi mil sakte, ami ko bata dia tha k hum abbu ki qabr say ho kar aye hain. Ami ko acha laga, phir ami nai abbu k death ki pori tafseel sunai aur abbu ki death k baad bari ammi ka rawaya aur dadyal walon k rawaye k bare main bhi bataya. Afsoos hi kar sakta tha kiun k teah sab tu pehle bhi ho sakta tha, bus etna karam howa tha k abbu ka janaza huamre gher say hi uthaya gaya tha. Baqi  jo jese hain kabhi nahi bdl sakte.

Allan safr ki thakan ki wajha say shower lete hi so gaya aur main nai apne cosin ko hidayat di k Allan k liye mineral water (asli wala) aur fast food waghera ka entizam rakhe sath hi Alan k uthte hi hum ko Gulbrg police station bhi jana tha jahan Allan ki Pakistan amad ki reporting bhi karna zaroori thi.

Etna dair main ami k pas hi betha ra kahan ki safr ki thakan kaha k neend aya hi kitne din k liye tha jo aram karta. Allan jese hi utha  jaldi jaldi fresh howa aur main nai kaha k hum ko police reporting k liye jana hai, us ne bhi hank aha phir aik dafa pirus ne ami say aur sabh say mulaqat kari mere sath reh kar jo tooti phooti urdu sekhi thi usi par uss ne bht achi tarhan ami say bat kari ammi ko bhi bht khushi hoi, mere sath aik gora aya hai eah bat jungle main aag ki tarhan har jaga phel chuki thi, hum log jese hi bahar nikle muhalle main rush lag gaya agr Bilal jaldi jaldi gari na nikalta tu ess rush main humara nikalna bht mushkil ho jata raste main mai ne Allan ko bataya k main kin ghabra raha tha. Allan ne kaha never mind it is ok.

Um log gulberg ppolic station main dakhil howe tu aik gore ko dekh kar sabh he alert ho gai, hum log roznamcha likhwane wale k pas gai aur us ko apni amad ka maqsad bataya, uus waqt k S.H.O apne room main thy thoda dair main unhon nai hum ko apne room main bulwaya aur bht khaoos say Allan ko welcome kia aur mere father ki death par mujh say tziyat kari ark aha k jabh tak Allan yahan hai police ka aik sipahi humare gher par duty de ga aur jahan jahan hum jain gy humare sath security dy ga, SHO sahib ki ess bat par main nai un ka dil say shukriya ada kia (un SHO sahib ko dehshat gardon nai shaheed kardiya hai) aaj bhi jabh bhi un ki yad ati hai un ki magfirat k liye dua karta hon aur un jesa har police wale ki banne ki dua karta hon.

Hum log police station say wapis gher aye tu sara dadyal hi ikhata tha un kobhi pata lag chukka tha k mere sath mera frnd aya hay jo gora hai, har koi us say milne ki koshish main ta yahan tak k meri bari ammi ar step brother, sister tak agai thy. Allan sab say hi bht achi tarhan mila sab nai us ka thanks kaha esi main sham ho gait u Allan ne kaha k hum ko kahi bahar chalna chahiye, Bilal us ka maqsad samjh chukka tha s ne kaha k aap log ready ho jao hum log kahi bahar chalet hain. Hum log ami ko bata kar Bilal k sath car main bahar nikle police wala gunman humare sath hi tha jis say aik ruab par raha tha, mgr abh hum log thoda reserve ho gai thy kiun k police wale ki mojodgi main ziada khul kar bat karna acha mehsos nahi ho raha tha, Allan nai traditional khane ki farmaish kari tu Bilal nai bataya k gher main aaj khas khae ka intizam kia gaya hai bahar say sirf halka phulka nashta hi kar lete hain, hum log pehle qauid e azam k mazar ki taraf gae aur thora sair kar k wapis gher agai, Allan nai hi kaha tha k log kia soche ge k hum abbu k death par Pakistan aye hain aur awara gardi karte phir rahe hain. Raste main Allan nai kaha k bus us ko Karachi ka sahil dikha don aur kuch nahi hum nai 1-2 din main jane ka kaha. Hum log wapis gher agai tu khae ka intizam ho chukka tha. Hum log khaa kha kar ami k pas hi beth gaye mehmam aik aik kar k rukqsat hote gai Bilal nai kaha k who apne dost ko keh chukka hai k gari kuch din usi k pas rahe ge. Aaj ka din bht masroof guzra tha. Allan yahan k rishte waghera dekh kar bht khush tha k kese log aik dosre k sath hain aur khayal rakhte hain magribi muashre main en sabh baton ki koi gunjaish nahi hoti.

Raat hoi tu ami nai kaha k mera bister Allan k sath hi laga diya gaya hai, hum log dosre kamre main agai, ami bhi sath aye aur kaha k kisi bhi cheez ki zaroorat ho tu un ko bata don. Allan ko neend nahi arahi thi aur who mujh say meri family aur yahan k rasm o riwaj k bare main bar bar sawal kar raha tha aur meri pori koshish yehi thi k main us ko har sawal ka jawab don, main nai abhi tak apna Pakistan wala numbr on nahi kia tha. Mgr kal karne ka mood tha. Raatko Bilal k numbr par asif ki cal ae tu meri bat bhi hoi us ne shikwa kia k main ayah on aur main nai bataya bhi nahi. Main nai kaha k aaj ka din bht bhagam bhaag main guzra kal batata. Us ne kaha k who subh mujh say milne aye gaa. Aur main kiun k bht thaka howa tha esi liye su gaya, subh ankh khuli tu 10 baj rahe thy Allan mujh say pehle uth kar naha dho kar fresh ho chukka tha ami ne bataya k nashta ready hai Allan nai juice pe liya hai main jaldi jaldi fresh howa nashta kia aura mi ko kaa k main abu ki qabar par jaa raha hon, main jabh tak Karachi tha roz hi abu ki qabar par jana chahta tha. Aur jo kuch un k liye parh sakta tha parhna chahta tha. Ami nai kaha k yeah tu achi bat hai, main nai Alan ko apna bataya tu us ne bhi sath chalne ko kaha main nai us ko mana karna chaha tu us ne saf saf kaha k main tumahre sath ayah on ar tumahre sath hi rahon gaa. Majboran hum roz hi abbu ki qabar par sath jate main wahan aik ghanta guzarta aur wapis ajata. Yeah 4-5 din kese guzr gae pata hi nahi chala Asif bhi milne aya jabh bhi who ata Atif us k sath hota Allan say mil kar who bht khush tha aur mujh ko kaa k shukr tum ko bhi koi mila, us ka kya mutlab tha main samjh raha tha mgr main nai koi jawab nahi diya, kiun k mere aur Allan ki darmiyan esi koi bat nahi thi. Aur who din agaya jabh hum ko wapis London k liye rawana hona tha. Ami ne humara saman apne hathon say pack kia hum ko bar bar dua di, sara khandan hi gher aya howa tha. Who log aur rishtedar jo pehle kabhi umare gher nahi aye thy who bhi aye thy aur bahane bahane say Allan ka aur mera London ka numbr le rahe thy aur apne bachon k liye wahan adjust karane ki bat kar rahe thy, main wajibi jawab day kar sab ko mutmain karne ki koshish kar raha tha, humari flight raat kit hi hum log sham 6pm gher say rawa ho gait u ami ki ankhon main ansoo thy main nai ami ko aura mi nai mujh ko tasali di aur hum airport ki taraf rawana howe, Allan bhi aaj bht chup aur gum sum tha. Jis ki koi wajha samjh nahi arahi thi. Hum log airport puhanche aur jesa pehle howa tha hum log apna saman le kar sabh say mil kar andar dakhil howe main nai aur Allan nai Bilal ka bht shukriya ada kia us nai humare Karachi rehte bht sath diya tha.

Aur hum departure launge main dakhil ho gai andar say main nai aik dafa phir ami ko phone kia aur un ko tasali di. Ami ne mujh ko acha parhne ki nasihat kari aur Allan ka bhi thanks kaha. Main tu khud Allan ka ehsan mand tha k who mere sath yahan tak aya aur mera etna sath diya. Jahaz main bethne k baad main nai aik dafa phir ger walon ko phone kia aur apna mobile off kar diya. Mai mehsoos kar raha tha k Allan kuch ziada hi khamosh tha main nai wajha pochi tu sirf utna hi kaha k main kuch soch raha hon aur waqt ane par tum ko zaroor bataon gaa. Main nai abh israr karna munasib nahi samjha aur khamoshi say apna sar seat par tika kar ankhain band kar li, mere andar jo becheni thi aur pareshani ki kefiyat thi kafi had tak who sahi ho chuki thi. Aik sal main hi gher ka chakar lag gaya, abba ki qabr par hazri de di aura mi say mil liya. Abh fir say wohi routine karna thi. Hum log via Qatar, London puhanch gai, airport utar kar hum sedha campus gaye, sara rasa Allan ziada tar khamoshi hi raha tha bus formal batain hoti rahi thi. Mgr main Allan k sath pehle ki tarhan hi bartao kar raha tha. Hum log campus puhanche tu humare clas mate, dean, class incharge ne humko welcome kia. Hum apne room main gaye fresh howe kiun k lunch tme ho chukka tha is liye Allan k sath mess par khane chale gaye, wahan Allan k kuch old friends bhi thy hum say humare safr k bare main pocha gaya aur Allan say khas kar pocha gaya k Pakistan kesa laga, Allan ka jawab bht acha tha k “main nai pehle kabhi etni muhabat aur khalos nahi dekha, mera dil chahta hai k rest of life Pakistan main hi guzaron.”

Doston, Allan aur main dosti k ese rishte main band gaie thy jahan hum aik dosre ko bht achi tarhan samjh chuke thy, mgr abhi bht kuch janna baqi tha, yeah bhi aik haqeeqat hai k mere andar Allan ko hasil karne ki tarap kabhi kabhi jag jati thi mgr main us ko sula deta tha kiun k who aur main bht ziada khaloos aur caring thy aur main koi bhi esi harkat nahi karna chahta tha k jis say humare rishte pe koi dagh aye, jab say main Allan say mila tha main nai us ko kisi ladki ya ladke k bht qarib nahi dekha tha esi liye mere mind main who straight tha han mazakh hum bht kar lia karte thy.

Humari study phir shuru ho gai aur humlog pehle ki tarhan apni life guzarne lage, Allan apni family say milne Canada bhi nahi ja saka. Phir us ne kaha k abh tum mere sath meri family say mile Canada chalna, mai nai kaha yeah kese mmkin hay? Pakistan jana aik alag bat thi mgr Canada jana bilkul alag baat hai. Us nai kaha k mujh ko sirf jana hogabaqi sabh kuch who khud hi manag kar le gaa, main nai kuch socha aur kaha hain dekhte hain. Meri sis bhi Canada hi shift hone wali thi. Esi bahane uss say wahan bhi mulaqat ho jati. Mai nai flowers k kaam k sath sath newspaper bechne ka kaam bhi shuru kardia, aik ghanta flowers bechta aur aik ghanta newspaper iss say meri amadni thoda barh gai, flower ki sell say jo pese milte main Karachi bhej deta aur newspaper wale pese main jama karta. Aur phir humare semester start hone ka waqt agaya aur main nai apni pori mehnat shuru kardi, main aur Allan dono hi apni class main parhako mashoor thy humare grads bhi ache arahe thy, sab teachers humsay bht khush thy, dean hum pe hamesha nazr rakhte aur aksar hum ko guide karte k konsa kam kese aur kab karna hai. Esi doran mere gher pe net lag gaya main nai apni msn aur yahoo ki id active kari aur Allan k laptop par aksar chit chat shuru kardi. Aik din Allan apne kaam say thoda late aya tu main us ka laptop khol k betha howa tha. msn par Allan ki id on thi aur yahoo par meri, mujh ko es ka andaza nahi tha k msn par kisi nai msg kia “hi Allan” main nai jwab main likha k Allan is not here, tu us ne kaha k ok us ko kehna k Jhon say contact kare, mere liye yeah aik mamooli batthi. Thoda dair main Allan aya tu main nai uss ko bataya k msn par kia howa tha. Ess par Allan k chehre par aik rung aya tu dosra gaya us nai pehle mujh kokaha k abh jab main laptop use karon tu sure karon k us ki koi id sign in na ho. Meri samjh main nahi araha tha k howa kia hai, Allan fresh ho kar aya tu us ka mood bht kharab tha. Abh mujh ko fikr hone lagi thi k akhir howa kia hai? Main nai Allan k pas jakar us ko pocha tu s ne kaha koi bat nahi bus thoda kaam ka pressure hai. Main nai zid pakar li k Allan jab say hum Pakistan say wapis aye hain tum kuch thik nah lag rahe akhir howa kia hai. Us ne kaha kuch bhi tu nahi.

Mgr main aaj fesla kar chukka tha k Allan k mind main kia chal rha hai es ka maloom hona bht zaroori hai aur agr yeah kisi mushkil main hai tu main es ka dost hon mujh ko ji jaan say iss k kam ana hai baqi jo hoga dekha jae gaa.

Main zabardasti Allan ko study chair par bitha kar khud neche carpet par beth gaya us ka hath apne hathon main lia aur us ki ankhon main ankhain dal kar kaha k “Allan tell me what is going on?” mujh ko kuch sahi nahi lag raha, mujh ko batao k akhir mamla kia hai? Aur iss k baad jo howa who mere liye heran kun tha.

Allan nai kaha k, who aik Gay hai, aur as sex worker London main kam kar raha hai yeah bat kisi ko nahi maloom sab ko yehi pata hai k wooh kisi hotel main job kar raha hai, aur Pakistan main Asif and atif nai us ko mere bare main bhi bataya, Allan kehta jaa raha tha au main suntan jar aha tha, Asif ne yeah kia kardia? Atif ko yeah sab bakne ki kia zaroorat thi, kash k Allan yeah batain mujh ko Pakistan main rehte hi bata deta. Aur Allan ar gay hai tu is ne mujh ko pehle kiun nahi bataya? Aur jab who jan chukka tha k mere sath bhi esi hi gar bar hai tu kuch tu kehta, main tu iss dar say k mere bare main sab kuch jan lene k baad Allan kahi mujh ko chor na dai kuch nahi keh paa raha tha. Mgr khud Allan???

Aaj pehli dafa mai nai Allan ki ankhon main anso dekhe, meri ankhon main bhi ansoo thy, abh mainnai himat kari, mainnai us ko kaha, Ab tum pareshan na ho jot um ho wohi main hon, tum batao k tum kia chahte ho aur abh say tum yeah sex worker wali job nahi karo gay, Allan bola k who abh bht use too ho gaya hai, one date each day wali kahani hai. Dosra k ess kam main kamai bht achi hai jitna mainaik hafte main flower aur newspaper ki sell say pese kamata hon us say kahin ziada who 1-2 din main kama leta hai. Abh samjh aya k Allan kiun peson ki taraf say be fikr rehta tha? Allan ne mujh ko kaha k us ski life jese chal rahi hai wese hi chalne don, haan who aur main abh dosti say aik qadm agai barh kar relationship main ajain, Allan khud UK LGBT ka register member tha. Mere liye etna kuch karna mumkin nahi tha kiun k humare (Pakistani) society main yeah sab ka agr kisi ko pata lag jae tu aik hangama barpa ho jana tha.

Main kuch dair khamosh raha aur uth kar khara howa mere sath Allan bhi khara hogaya, rat kafi ho rahi thi aur hum logon nai dinner bhi nahi kia tha. Mainnai khud k andar bht bht himat peda kari. Main nai Allan say poche baher, aur kuch kahe bagher Allan k chahre ko apne hathon main thama aur apne hont us k honton par laga diye, Allan nai bilkul muzahimat nahi kari balke mujh say ziada deep response diya, aur hum kafi dair tak aik dosre ko frnech kis karte rahe, humare hont, humari zaban aik dosre kandar hi aur Allan meri kamar pakre howe tha. Mera liye yeah sabh naya nahi tha mr bht ziada time k baad ho raha tha, agr mujh ko ziada tharak charhti thi tu main masturbation kar lia karta tha. Mgr yahan London main kisi say nahi mila tha kiun k anajana city tha aur anjane city main sabh hi ko dar lagta hai. Mgr khud mere sath aik ensan mere jesa hi tha aur main pehchan bhi nahi saka. Jabh main aur Allan beqabo hone lage tu Allan ka mobile baja. Hum aik dosre say alag howe main bed par beth gaya. Sharmindagi tu nahi thii mgr sharm arahi rahi thi. Allan ne call rec kari. Kuch jawab dia aur mujh say kaha k chalo chalet hain, main nai kaha kahan? Tu jawab mila k tum chalo tu sahi aaj hum dinner bahar lain gy aur aaj main (allan) bht khush hai. Mgr main khush nahi tha. Allan ko hasil kar lena hi sab kuch nahi tha agr main Allan ko hasil kar leta hon tu phir us ki job say kese compromise karon gaa? Main tu kabhi nahi chahon gaa k mera boy friend dosron k bister garam karta phir raha ho aur part time mere sath bhi, hishhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Main nai kaha nahi esa nahi hnoa chahiye, abh 2 hi raste thy, ya tu main Allan ko chor dun ya Allan who job chor day, main nai after dinner Allan say bat karne ka faisla kia, Khuda Khuda kar k tu Allan thoda nrml howa tha main aik dam say hi us ko kisi nai mushkil main nahi dalna chahta tha.

Hum log dinner karne bahar nikle, hum aksar shammainthoda walk karne k liye camps main ghoma karte thy. Mgr city main bht kam jaya karte thy who bhi campus k qarib h qarib mgr aaj Allan ka mood kuch aur tha. Hum log kafi dair tak walk karte us stop par aye hum kahan ja rahe thy ka pata sirf Allan ko hi tha. Hum log busmain baith kar London k posh area main agai. Yahan aik Pakistani hotel main bethe, Allan nai khud, Biryani ka order kia aur main bht khus howa k aaj pure Pakistani khana khane ko mil raha tha, biryani k baad hum nai kheer khai aur tea pee aur ess doran Allan Pakistan ki batain karta raha aur yadain taza karta raha.