Update!!!

Doston,

Sab say pehle mazrt k dairy tym pe update nahi kar paa raha hon, wajha kuch zati si hai aik meri tabyat dosra meri weekly Lahore sy Karachi ka ana jana, yeah sab mere liye bht mushkil hai. Phir har Monday ko meri chemotherapy hoti hai jis ki wajha say mujh ko bht taklif hoti hai aur 2-din tak meri halat qabo say bahar rehti hai.

Meri dairy tub ht bari ai, mgr mushkil yeah hai k es dairy say kitne safhe nikal kar likhon? Phir bhi meri koshish yehi hai k jitna likh sakta hon likh dalon.

Khaas kar who batain jin ki wajha say meri zindagi main halchal hoi, badlao aya aur meri zindagi ka tariqa hi badalta chala gaya.

Allan k sath meri mualqat aur phir Pakistan ana ar  us k baad wapis London jana aur us k bad k halat tu aap parh hi chuke hain. Allan shuru din say hi meri bht care kar raha tha, jan bojh kar bhi main kisi bhi manfi (negative) soch ko apne dimagh main ane nahi dy raha tha mgr main bhi aik insane hon, aaj k iss tym main kon kis kicare karta hai who bhi etni k main easly settle ho jaon.

Kher, us sham hum bht ache mood main wapis aye, Allan nai apni sex worker wali job chorne ki bhi khus khari sa di thi. Mujh ko yaqin nahi ho raha tha k Allan etni asani say meri baton ko samjh raha hai. Mgr phir bhi dil hi dil main bht khush tha. K Allan ki shakal main mujh ko aik acha dost mil gaya tha.

Main nai bhi fesla kia k Allan ki jitni care kar sakta hon karon gaa. Apni zaat say jo kar sakta hon karon gaa aur kisi bhi bat ko apni mabori nahi banaon ga, kiun k main yeah fesla kar chukka tha k main abh apni majboriun k sath nahi ji sakta mujh ko abh apni marzi say aur apni zarooraton k hisab say khud ko manag karna hoga aur jo koi bhi mera hath thame gaa main akhri waqt tak sath nibhaon gaa, ezat karon ga, care karon gaa chahe natije kuch bhi ho.

Wooh raat mere liye bht qimti thi, us aik rat main main nai pehli dafa kud say apni sari hadain par karin, Allan aur main 2 jis mgr aik jan ho gaye, pehli dafa khud supardgi ka ehsas howa, aur job hi howa us main sirf merzi hi nahii balke meri chaat bhishamil ho gaye, aur jabh 2 jism aik an ho rae hon ar khud supradgi ka ehsas ho tu Milan k lamhat kuch aur hi jate hain, (es bat ka ehsas jism k sodagaron ko aur har dosre jism k peche bhagne walon ko bilkul nahi ho sakta). Ye sooch aur ehsas tu sirf unhi ko nasib ho sakta hai jo rooh say jism tak ka safr karte hain. Sari raat hum nai jis tarhan guzari us main hum ko wooh raat hi kam parh gaye, na kisi bhi qisam ki thakan ka ehsas na hi koi dar aur khoof. Na hi koi aur baat buss main aur Allan thai aur humari sansain, hmare jism aur humari rooh.

Pata nahi kabh aur kitni dafa hum nai aik dosre ko chaha aik dosre ki jimson ko pooa kari aur  kabh aik dsre ki banhon main su gaye.

Ankh khuli tu Allan su hi raha tha main utha wqt dekha tu din k 12 say oper ka tym ho gaya tha, mgr iss neend aur jagne ka khumar hi kuch aur tha, esa ehsas pehle kabhi nahi howa tha.

Main uta ahista say Allan ko apne oper say hataya, aur washroom ja kar shower liya tu Allan bhi pehche peche agaya hum nai aiksath shower liya. Ar sath hi change waghera kar k bahar nikle, bhook ka ehsas ho raha tha. Main aur Allan aik sath chalet howe bahar nikle tu meri halat hi kuch art hi, chal main aik nasa tha mind main bhi alag nasha chal raha tha. Main tu jese hawaon main urh hi raha tha ar Allan mera hath pakar k jane kia kia bol raha tha, hum log kabhi future plan karte kabhi aaj ki bat karte. Hum logon nai aik qaribi resturent main lunch kia aur wapis hostel agai, wapis akar hum mamool k mutabiq parhne beth gaye.

Humare din aur raat aik dosre k sath buht ache guzarne lage, humare semester howe aur sab kuch buht acha howa.

Allan apni job pe laga howa tha aur bht khush bhi k us ki jan choti. Main apne news paper aur flowers ka kaam main laga howa tha. Karachi main bhi sab kher kheriyat thi bus meri sis Canada chali gaye thi mgr ami nahi gaye thi.

Aik din jabh main news paper bech raha that u wohi khatoon jo pehle aye thi aik dafa phir mere samne khari thi, mera tafsili interview kia aur mujh ko aik card diya card dekh kar pata chala k who khatoon aik buht bare news channel main assistant director hain. Unhon nai kaha k office ajaon. Baqi batain wahin hongi.

Main nai iss mamle par Allan say bat karne ka fesla kia abh mere har fesle main Allan shamil tha. Rat jab main wapis hostel puhancha tu Allan bht pareshan betha howa tha. Uss ki pareshani kia thi meri kuch samjh nahi aya. Main nai normly shower lia phir us say kaha k mess main chalet hain khana khate hain. Wahi bat karte hain kia howa hai. Aur us ne bataya k who next week Canada jaa raha hai kuch family issues howe hain us k lye jana bht zaroori hain, main heran reh gaya aur kuch keh bhi na saka kiun k Allan k bager rehne ka tu soch bhi nahi sakta tha aur yeah jane ki bat kar raha tha. Main us ko rok bhi nahi sakta tha aur jane bhi nahi dena chahta tha. Magr waqt aur halat nai esi karwat le lit hi k sabh kuch badal chukka tha. Main apni bat bhi nahi ke saka abhi humare Milan ko sirf kuch hi din tu howe thy main aur Allan bht khush thy, mgr Allan kuch din k liye hi sahi jane tu wala tha.

Aur phir who din agaya jab Allan London say Toronto (Canada) k liye rawana hone wala tha. Main bilkul chup tha kehne k liye kuch bhi nahi tha. Main bus gum sum tha aur bht koshish kar k apne ansoo chupa raha tha. Hum log sath airtport aye yahan akar hum nai aik dosre ko buht kuch samjhane ki koshish kari us ka plan tha k wooh 2 weeks main wapis ajai ga mgr mujh ko nahi lagta tha k ajai gaa kuch na kuch kahi na kahi gar bar thi mgr aik umid thi k wooh aye ga kiun k uss ki studies abhi baqi thi wooh bhi pora saal ki.

Aur us ki boarding ka elan howa aur wooh airport ka andr jane laga main abh apne anso nahi rok saka aur pehli dafa Allan ki ankhon main bhi ansoo thy. Allan nai mujh ko samjhaya k main kese raho aur pareshan naa hon wooh mujh say contact main rahe ga aur jald wapis ajae gaa. Main nai uss ko gale lagaya aur ruqsat kia kafi dair tak main departure lounge k samne khara raha aur jabh Allan nai mujh ko call kar k bataya k abh wooh on board ha tu main ne wapsi ka rasta liya. Dil main bht ghubar bhara howa tha. Himat aur hosla kar k apne aap ko sambhala tha aur jese hi main hostel k room main wapis aya tu phat para washroom main ja kar bht roya buht roya. Etna k khud hi ko sabhalna mushkil hone laga kafi dair tak shower lene k baad main room main aya aur khud ko tanha meshoos kia, main nai reading table par dekha tu wahan Allan ka laptop para howa tha, main heran reh gaya k wooh yeah kese bhool gaya? Anjane main ya jan boojh kar?

Abh tu Allan ko call bhi nahi kar sakta tu wooh tu safr par rawana ho chukka tha. Main aik taraf beth kar apni aur Allan ki yadon ko taza karne laga. Thoda dair main mera mobile baja call Karachi say thi aur ammi ke thi.  Meri khr kheriyat pochi aur man nai Allan ka bataya tu ami ne bhi himat di.

Main chah kar bhi apni halat ka kisi ko nahi bata sakta tha. Sham k 6 baj chuke thy aur meri job ka tym ho chukka tha main job par jana nahi chahta tha mgr ye soch kar k nahi jaon gaa tu aur pareshan honga aur mujh ko jana hi chahiye. Majboran tayar ho kar nikla aur apna kaam sambhala mgr aaj kuch bhi karne ko ji nahi chah raha tha yehi soch soch kar dil pareshan ho raha tha k pata nahi Allan kia kar raha hoga. Jitna jaldi khud ko farig kar sakta tha kia aur wapis hostel agaya. Wapsi par apne liye cigerate bhi le liye thy yeah aik naya kharcha tha jo main nahi karna chahta tha mgr aaj ki rat bht mushkil thi jab say yahan aya tha Allan mere sath tha aur aaj pehli dafa esa laga k main yahan tanha hon.

Main nai Allan ka laptop utha kar sambhal kar rakh dia aur khud mess main ja kar khana waghera khaya aur wahan say farig ho kar apne room main akar books khol kar beth gaya na hi khana sahi say khaya gaya tha aur na hi parhne main dil lag raha tha. Mainbed par akar let gaya. Aur apne aur Allan k sath guzre howe waqt ko yad karne laga pata nahi kitni dair tak meri ankhon say ansoo nikalte rahe, khud say batain karne laga aur kabh ki kabh main meri ankh lag gaye. Ankh khuli tu subh k 6 baj rahe thy mainnai fresh ho kar namaz parhi aur gid gida kar dua kari mujh ko himat mile aur sabr mile.

Phir ready ho kar University agaya aur routine k kam karne laga kisi kam main kisi class main dil nahi lag raha tha bus din kisi tarhan guzr jae yehi dua kar raha tha.

Kuch din ese hi guzr gaye har guzrane wala din meri uljhanmain izafa kar raha tha kiun k jabh say Allan gaya tha sirf aik hi dafa cal kari thi meri kisi cal aur text ka who reply nahi kar raha tha. Pata nahi wahan kia chal raha tha.

Main naiaik din unhi khatoon say (jin ka nam main yahan share nahi kar sakta) phone par contact kia unhon nai mujh ko agle din office bolwaya. Main next day uni say farig ho kar un k office puhancha. Yeah dunya k sab say bare news network ka office tha yahan meri mulaqat director say karwai gaye jo in khatoon k walid sahib thy aur ess news channel ki urdu service k director thy, mera aik buhat langa interview howa. Main nai un ko apne study visa aur aur limited work permission k bare main bataya. Un khatoon nai mujh ko yaqin dilaya k agr main yahan kaam liye select ho gaya tu mujh ko part tome job permission bhi wohi dilwain gi ar baqi mamlat bhi wooh khud he manage kare ge. Aik hi din main mere 2 interview howe aur main thaka hara hostel wapis agaya wapis akar Karachi call kari aur ami ko baytaya. Abhi ami say bat kar k pone rakha hi tha k mujh ko Allan ki call agai, main ess call ka bht becheni say intizar kar raha tha. Call receive karte hi main phat pada Allan nai meri pori bat suni aur waha k halat ka bataya aur kaha k uss ko wapis anai main kuch aur tym lage gaa main ai us ko laptop ka yad dilaya tu us ne kaha k who khud jan bojh kar mere liye chor kar gaya hai. Main nahi abhi tak us ka laptop istimal nahi kia tha. Wooh aik lambi call thi Allan nai mujh say mere bare main pocha aur apne bare main bataya sara tym who yehi kehta raha k main apna khayal rakhon aur pareshan nah on apni study karon aur meri new job k liye gud luck bhi kaha.

Allan say bat kar k kuch sakoon mila. Phir main nai Karachi aur Canada apni sis ko text kia aur sone k liye let gaya.

Back in london, start of a relationship wid Allan

Hum log jab jahaz main bethe tab aik khayal mere dil main aya jo es say pehle kabhi nahi aya tha, who yeah k Akhir esi kia baat hai jo Allan meri etni care kar raha hai mana k dunya main insaniyat hai aur bht hai mgr Allan ka mujh say etna lagao? Koi khas wajha? Aur meri yeah soch bht gehri hoti chali gai, Allan samjha k main su gaya hon, mgr main apni ankhain band kar k London k pehle din say aaj tak ki har baat par ghoor kar raha tha, kabhi manfi khayal ata kabhi ache khayal, na mera aur Allan ka koi rishta tha, na hi hum old friends thy, na hi humara mazhab aik tha aur 9/11 k baad tu angrez Pakistani logono say wese hi bhagte hain tu yeah Allan mujh main etna interest kiun le raha hai? “yeah bhi sach hai k aaj meri shaksiyat main Allan ki chap lagi hoi hai. Uss say jo kuch bhi sekha aaj who sab batain meri shaksiyat ka hisa hain. Dairy main agai chal kar aap ko andaza ho gai gaa k main esa kiun keh raha hon.”

Main nai apne dimagh main ate howe sawalat ko wahi roka apni ankhain kholi tu Allan bhi ankhain band kar k leta howa tha, main nai jan bojh kar uss k kandhe par apna sar rakha apna moun us ki taraf kia aur apna hath us ki kamar main dal kar sone ki acting kari, yeah sab kar jan bojh kar raha tha mgr andar say yehi chahta bhi tha. Allan nai bhi koi muzahimat nahi kari, halanke hum jahaz main thy log hum ko dekh sakte thy mgr main koi esi harkat nahi kar raha tha jis say Allan ko koi problem ho ya jahaz main moujood logon ko koi etiraz ho, sabh hi apne ap main magan thy.

Jahaz Qatar utra yahan humara 2 hours ka stay th aur flight change honi thi hum log airport par aye tu main ne socha k ami ko bata don kiun k meri had tak tu thik hai mgr Allan k liye ammi ko kuch khas entizam karna pare ga mgr Allan shayad samjh gaya tha us ne aik dafa phir mana kar dia k kisi ko kuch nahi batana wese bhi kuch hi hours ki bat hai hum Karachi main honge.

Hum log boarding lounge main akar beth gaye halka phulka nashta kia aur main Allan ko apni family aur rehn shn k bare main batane laga. Mujh ko ye khayal aya k ami ko nahi tu kia apne cosin bilal ko tu bata sakta hon aur who kisi ko kuch batai gab hi nahi kiun k Allan ka mere sath hona mere liye aik mushkil tha ammi log aik lower middle class area main rehte thy jahan kisi angrez ka hona khud us k liye security ka masla ban sakta tha. Main nai Allan ko apne khayalat say agah kia tu Allan nai har man li main nai yahan (Qatar) say Bilal ko phone kia tu who heran howa main nai us ko qasmain de kar kaha k kisi ko na batai bus hum ko lene airport ajai aur Allan k liye kisi hotel ka entizam kare baqi main wahan akar dekh long a, us ne kaha k kiun na who uss k gher ruk jae, Allan bhanp gaya tha us ny saf saf keh dia k jahan tum wahan main mutlb k jahan main rukon gaa wahi Alan bhi ruke ga. Kher, cosin mere ane ki bat sun kar bht excited ho gaya aur uss ne kaha k who mere Qatar say rawana hone ke aik ghante baad airport puhanch jae gaa.  Main nai aik dafa phir us ko kaha k kisi bhi tarhan gher pe kisi ko pata nahi lagna chahiye. Us ne wada kia k esa nahi hoga. Humari karahi k liye fight ka elan howa main aur Allan jahaz main bethe aur abh Karachi ka khayal mere dil main tha, ammi mujh ko ese achanak dekhe gi tu kia hoga, sara khandan hoga sis ne apne Canada jane ka plan abbu k chehlum tak k liye cancel kar diya tha. Who bhi ghr par hogi. Hum ko Pakistani tym k hisab say subh hi Karachi utarna tha.

Aur bilakhir jahaz Karachi airport par land howa. Hmare pas saman k nam par jst 2 hand bag hi thy jin main kuch kapre thy isi liye custom per koi issue nahi howa Allan say Pakistan amad ka maqsad pocha gaya aur us nai saf saf bata diya k mere sath mere dad ki death par pursa dene Karachi aya hai. Jis par duty officer sirf muskura hi diya, hum log jese hi departure launge say bahar nikle samne Bilal khara howa tha. Uss ne mujh ko dekha tu awaz lagai aur main nai Allan ko us k bare main bataya hum log gale mile main ro para (aik tu mujh ko bat bat par rona ajata hai) mutlab k anso pata nahi kiun nikal parte hain.

Bilal apne kisi dost ki carola car le kar aya tha hum log usi main beth kar mere gher jane lage, main nai Bilal say kaha k pehle mujh ko abu ki qabr per le chalo tu us ne kaha k pehle gher chalet hain phir wahi mgr main nai zid kari k gher say pehle mujh ko abbu ki qabr per le chalo, qabrusta gher k kharib hi tha hum log pehle qabrustan gae ar jese hi main abbu ki qabar par puhancha mere sabr, zabt k sare bandhan toot gae, aur main bilbila k rou para, mujh ko Allan nai aur Bilal nai abbu ki qabr say hatane ki koshish kari mgr wohi batate hain k main kisi zidi bache ki tarhan zid kar raha tha. Pata nahi kitna dair main apne abbu ki qabr say lipta raha honga k wahan ane wale aik buzrg nai mera kanda pakar k mujh ko hilaya ark aha kiun marne wale ko takjlif deta hon, ALLAh ki amant thi us nai wapis le li abh un ki maghfirat k lie dua karon aur himat aur sabr say kam lon, un buzrg ka hath bht nr mar shafqat bhara tha main nai apne anso poche dher udher dekha tu mere peche hi Allan aur Bilal thy dono hi khamosh khare thy hum ko shayad yahan 35-40 mint say zida ho gai thy, main nai khud ko sambhala aur fatiha waghera parh kar khara ho gaya.

Hum log shup chap gher ki taraf jane lage, lekin yeah kia, yeh rasta tu us tarf nahi jata jaha mera gher that u hi mujh ko pata laga k ammi logon nai north Karachi wala gher shift kar dia hai ar F. B. Area main shift ho gai hain, main nai kaha chalo ye tu achi bat hai, Allan kuch tu save howa.

Gar jese hi gali main ghusi tu mujh ko mere cosin nazr agai kisi k wehm o guman main nahi tha k main araha hon. Bilal ny humare new ghr k agai gari roki yeah f. b. area block 19 ka aik makan tha jo singl story tha yani separate. Bahar pholon ki kiyari bani hoi thi aur darwaza open tha ess waqt bhi shayad koi andar aya howa tha. Gari k rukte hi mere behnoi bahar nikle ar jabh Allan ko apne samne dekha tu heran pareshan kuch kae bagher andar bhage, andar tu jese hangama mach chukka tha. Bahar kuch cosin aur muhale wale mujh saymilne lage aur mere dad k intikhal par mujh say taziyat karne lage. Bari mushkil say mujh ko andar jane ka moukha laga . Bilal nai hum say pehle andar ja kar bethak sahi karwai thi kiun k Allan ko filhal wahi bithana tha.

Ami ko jese hi pata chala k main agaya hon who sabh ko chor kar apne room say bahar nikli aur darwaze par hi mujh say lipat lipat kar roi, main bhi khud par qabo pate howe ru raha tha mgr ami tu jese apna sara sabr khatm kar chuki thi kafi dair baad un ko khayal aya k main safr say ayah on aur mujh ko hosla dena chahiye phir main nai un ko jaldi jaldi ape aur Allan k bare main bataya aur yeh bhi k hum wirf 6 days k liye karaachi aye hain. Ami nai Allan say mulaqat kari s k sar par hath phera aur foran hi cosin ko sister ko hidaat dene lagi k Alan k lie aik kara thik karain, us ko sabh say pehle shower lea tha mujh ko bhi lena tha main nai us ko foran shower lene bheja, yeah naya gher 4 room a tha. Jo k rent ka tha aura mi nai sis k kene par hi change kia tha, gher ka holwa bhi kafi badl chukka tha kuch furniture agaya tha carpet lage thy har cheez bht achi tarhan rakhi gait hi, kiun k dad ki death k baad memanon ki amad ho rahi thi esi liye thora be tartibi thi mgr sabh kuch mange tha. Alan bhi ami say mil kar bht khush howa. Gher k bahar hala mach chukka tha k mere sath koi gora aya hai jo mera frnd hai tu har koi us say milna chahta tha. Mgr main nai sabh ko mana kar wa diya k abhi hum bht thake howe hain esi liye nahi mil sakte, ami ko bata dia tha k hum abbu ki qabr say ho kar aye hain. Ami ko acha laga, phir ami nai abbu k death ki pori tafseel sunai aur abbu ki death k baad bari ammi ka rawaya aur dadyal walon k rawaye k bare main bhi bataya. Afsoos hi kar sakta tha kiun k teah sab tu pehle bhi ho sakta tha, bus etna karam howa tha k abbu ka janaza huamre gher say hi uthaya gaya tha. Baqi  jo jese hain kabhi nahi bdl sakte.

Allan safr ki thakan ki wajha say shower lete hi so gaya aur main nai apne cosin ko hidayat di k Allan k liye mineral water (asli wala) aur fast food waghera ka entizam rakhe sath hi Alan k uthte hi hum ko Gulbrg police station bhi jana tha jahan Allan ki Pakistan amad ki reporting bhi karna zaroori thi.

Etna dair main ami k pas hi betha ra kahan ki safr ki thakan kaha k neend aya hi kitne din k liye tha jo aram karta. Allan jese hi utha  jaldi jaldi fresh howa aur main nai kaha k hum ko police reporting k liye jana hai, us ne bhi hank aha phir aik dafa pirus ne ami say aur sabh say mulaqat kari mere sath reh kar jo tooti phooti urdu sekhi thi usi par uss ne bht achi tarhan ami say bat kari ammi ko bhi bht khushi hoi, mere sath aik gora aya hai eah bat jungle main aag ki tarhan har jaga phel chuki thi, hum log jese hi bahar nikle muhalle main rush lag gaya agr Bilal jaldi jaldi gari na nikalta tu ess rush main humara nikalna bht mushkil ho jata raste main mai ne Allan ko bataya k main kin ghabra raha tha. Allan ne kaha never mind it is ok.

Um log gulberg ppolic station main dakhil howe tu aik gore ko dekh kar sabh he alert ho gai, hum log roznamcha likhwane wale k pas gai aur us ko apni amad ka maqsad bataya, uus waqt k S.H.O apne room main thy thoda dair main unhon nai hum ko apne room main bulwaya aur bht khaoos say Allan ko welcome kia aur mere father ki death par mujh say tziyat kari ark aha k jabh tak Allan yahan hai police ka aik sipahi humare gher par duty de ga aur jahan jahan hum jain gy humare sath security dy ga, SHO sahib ki ess bat par main nai un ka dil say shukriya ada kia (un SHO sahib ko dehshat gardon nai shaheed kardiya hai) aaj bhi jabh bhi un ki yad ati hai un ki magfirat k liye dua karta hon aur un jesa har police wale ki banne ki dua karta hon.

Hum log police station say wapis gher aye tu sara dadyal hi ikhata tha un kobhi pata lag chukka tha k mere sath mera frnd aya hay jo gora hai, har koi us say milne ki koshish main ta yahan tak k meri bari ammi ar step brother, sister tak agai thy. Allan sab say hi bht achi tarhan mila sab nai us ka thanks kaha esi main sham ho gait u Allan ne kaha k hum ko kahi bahar chalna chahiye, Bilal us ka maqsad samjh chukka tha s ne kaha k aap log ready ho jao hum log kahi bahar chalet hain. Hum log ami ko bata kar Bilal k sath car main bahar nikle police wala gunman humare sath hi tha jis say aik ruab par raha tha, mgr abh hum log thoda reserve ho gai thy kiun k police wale ki mojodgi main ziada khul kar bat karna acha mehsos nahi ho raha tha, Allan nai traditional khane ki farmaish kari tu Bilal nai bataya k gher main aaj khas khae ka intizam kia gaya hai bahar say sirf halka phulka nashta hi kar lete hain, hum log pehle qauid e azam k mazar ki taraf gae aur thora sair kar k wapis gher agai, Allan nai hi kaha tha k log kia soche ge k hum abbu k death par Pakistan aye hain aur awara gardi karte phir rahe hain. Raste main Allan nai kaha k bus us ko Karachi ka sahil dikha don aur kuch nahi hum nai 1-2 din main jane ka kaha. Hum log wapis gher agai tu khae ka intizam ho chukka tha. Hum log khaa kha kar ami k pas hi beth gaye mehmam aik aik kar k rukqsat hote gai Bilal nai kaha k who apne dost ko keh chukka hai k gari kuch din usi k pas rahe ge. Aaj ka din bht masroof guzra tha. Allan yahan k rishte waghera dekh kar bht khush tha k kese log aik dosre k sath hain aur khayal rakhte hain magribi muashre main en sabh baton ki koi gunjaish nahi hoti.

Raat hoi tu ami nai kaha k mera bister Allan k sath hi laga diya gaya hai, hum log dosre kamre main agai, ami bhi sath aye aur kaha k kisi bhi cheez ki zaroorat ho tu un ko bata don. Allan ko neend nahi arahi thi aur who mujh say meri family aur yahan k rasm o riwaj k bare main bar bar sawal kar raha tha aur meri pori koshish yehi thi k main us ko har sawal ka jawab don, main nai abhi tak apna Pakistan wala numbr on nahi kia tha. Mgr kal karne ka mood tha. Raatko Bilal k numbr par asif ki cal ae tu meri bat bhi hoi us ne shikwa kia k main ayah on aur main nai bataya bhi nahi. Main nai kaha k aaj ka din bht bhagam bhaag main guzra kal batata. Us ne kaha k who subh mujh say milne aye gaa. Aur main kiun k bht thaka howa tha esi liye su gaya, subh ankh khuli tu 10 baj rahe thy Allan mujh say pehle uth kar naha dho kar fresh ho chukka tha ami ne bataya k nashta ready hai Allan nai juice pe liya hai main jaldi jaldi fresh howa nashta kia aura mi ko kaa k main abu ki qabar par jaa raha hon, main jabh tak Karachi tha roz hi abu ki qabar par jana chahta tha. Aur jo kuch un k liye parh sakta tha parhna chahta tha. Ami nai kaha k yeah tu achi bat hai, main nai Alan ko apna bataya tu us ne bhi sath chalne ko kaha main nai us ko mana karna chaha tu us ne saf saf kaha k main tumahre sath ayah on ar tumahre sath hi rahon gaa. Majboran hum roz hi abbu ki qabar par sath jate main wahan aik ghanta guzarta aur wapis ajata. Yeah 4-5 din kese guzr gae pata hi nahi chala Asif bhi milne aya jabh bhi who ata Atif us k sath hota Allan say mil kar who bht khush tha aur mujh ko kaa k shukr tum ko bhi koi mila, us ka kya mutlab tha main samjh raha tha mgr main nai koi jawab nahi diya, kiun k mere aur Allan ki darmiyan esi koi bat nahi thi. Aur who din agaya jabh hum ko wapis London k liye rawana hona tha. Ami ne humara saman apne hathon say pack kia hum ko bar bar dua di, sara khandan hi gher aya howa tha. Who log aur rishtedar jo pehle kabhi umare gher nahi aye thy who bhi aye thy aur bahane bahane say Allan ka aur mera London ka numbr le rahe thy aur apne bachon k liye wahan adjust karane ki bat kar rahe thy, main wajibi jawab day kar sab ko mutmain karne ki koshish kar raha tha, humari flight raat kit hi hum log sham 6pm gher say rawa ho gait u ami ki ankhon main ansoo thy main nai ami ko aura mi nai mujh ko tasali di aur hum airport ki taraf rawana howe, Allan bhi aaj bht chup aur gum sum tha. Jis ki koi wajha samjh nahi arahi thi. Hum log airport puhanche aur jesa pehle howa tha hum log apna saman le kar sabh say mil kar andar dakhil howe main nai aur Allan nai Bilal ka bht shukriya ada kia us nai humare Karachi rehte bht sath diya tha.

Aur hum departure launge main dakhil ho gai andar say main nai aik dafa phir ami ko phone kia aur un ko tasali di. Ami ne mujh ko acha parhne ki nasihat kari aur Allan ka bhi thanks kaha. Main tu khud Allan ka ehsan mand tha k who mere sath yahan tak aya aur mera etna sath diya. Jahaz main bethne k baad main nai aik dafa phir ger walon ko phone kia aur apna mobile off kar diya. Mai mehsoos kar raha tha k Allan kuch ziada hi khamosh tha main nai wajha pochi tu sirf utna hi kaha k main kuch soch raha hon aur waqt ane par tum ko zaroor bataon gaa. Main nai abh israr karna munasib nahi samjha aur khamoshi say apna sar seat par tika kar ankhain band kar li, mere andar jo becheni thi aur pareshani ki kefiyat thi kafi had tak who sahi ho chuki thi. Aik sal main hi gher ka chakar lag gaya, abba ki qabr par hazri de di aura mi say mil liya. Abh fir say wohi routine karna thi. Hum log via Qatar, London puhanch gai, airport utar kar hum sedha campus gaye, sara rasa Allan ziada tar khamoshi hi raha tha bus formal batain hoti rahi thi. Mgr main Allan k sath pehle ki tarhan hi bartao kar raha tha. Hum log campus puhanche tu humare clas mate, dean, class incharge ne humko welcome kia. Hum apne room main gaye fresh howe kiun k lunch tme ho chukka tha is liye Allan k sath mess par khane chale gaye, wahan Allan k kuch old friends bhi thy hum say humare safr k bare main pocha gaya aur Allan say khas kar pocha gaya k Pakistan kesa laga, Allan ka jawab bht acha tha k “main nai pehle kabhi etni muhabat aur khalos nahi dekha, mera dil chahta hai k rest of life Pakistan main hi guzaron.”

Doston, Allan aur main dosti k ese rishte main band gaie thy jahan hum aik dosre ko bht achi tarhan samjh chuke thy, mgr abhi bht kuch janna baqi tha, yeah bhi aik haqeeqat hai k mere andar Allan ko hasil karne ki tarap kabhi kabhi jag jati thi mgr main us ko sula deta tha kiun k who aur main bht ziada khaloos aur caring thy aur main koi bhi esi harkat nahi karna chahta tha k jis say humare rishte pe koi dagh aye, jab say main Allan say mila tha main nai us ko kisi ladki ya ladke k bht qarib nahi dekha tha esi liye mere mind main who straight tha han mazakh hum bht kar lia karte thy.

Humari study phir shuru ho gai aur humlog pehle ki tarhan apni life guzarne lage, Allan apni family say milne Canada bhi nahi ja saka. Phir us ne kaha k abh tum mere sath meri family say mile Canada chalna, mai nai kaha yeah kese mmkin hay? Pakistan jana aik alag bat thi mgr Canada jana bilkul alag baat hai. Us nai kaha k mujh ko sirf jana hogabaqi sabh kuch who khud hi manag kar le gaa, main nai kuch socha aur kaha hain dekhte hain. Meri sis bhi Canada hi shift hone wali thi. Esi bahane uss say wahan bhi mulaqat ho jati. Mai nai flowers k kaam k sath sath newspaper bechne ka kaam bhi shuru kardia, aik ghanta flowers bechta aur aik ghanta newspaper iss say meri amadni thoda barh gai, flower ki sell say jo pese milte main Karachi bhej deta aur newspaper wale pese main jama karta. Aur phir humare semester start hone ka waqt agaya aur main nai apni pori mehnat shuru kardi, main aur Allan dono hi apni class main parhako mashoor thy humare grads bhi ache arahe thy, sab teachers humsay bht khush thy, dean hum pe hamesha nazr rakhte aur aksar hum ko guide karte k konsa kam kese aur kab karna hai. Esi doran mere gher pe net lag gaya main nai apni msn aur yahoo ki id active kari aur Allan k laptop par aksar chit chat shuru kardi. Aik din Allan apne kaam say thoda late aya tu main us ka laptop khol k betha howa tha. msn par Allan ki id on thi aur yahoo par meri, mujh ko es ka andaza nahi tha k msn par kisi nai msg kia “hi Allan” main nai jwab main likha k Allan is not here, tu us ne kaha k ok us ko kehna k Jhon say contact kare, mere liye yeah aik mamooli batthi. Thoda dair main Allan aya tu main nai uss ko bataya k msn par kia howa tha. Ess par Allan k chehre par aik rung aya tu dosra gaya us nai pehle mujh kokaha k abh jab main laptop use karon tu sure karon k us ki koi id sign in na ho. Meri samjh main nahi araha tha k howa kia hai, Allan fresh ho kar aya tu us ka mood bht kharab tha. Abh mujh ko fikr hone lagi thi k akhir howa kia hai? Main nai Allan k pas jakar us ko pocha tu s ne kaha koi bat nahi bus thoda kaam ka pressure hai. Main nai zid pakar li k Allan jab say hum Pakistan say wapis aye hain tum kuch thik nah lag rahe akhir howa kia hai. Us ne kaha kuch bhi tu nahi.

Mgr main aaj fesla kar chukka tha k Allan k mind main kia chal rha hai es ka maloom hona bht zaroori hai aur agr yeah kisi mushkil main hai tu main es ka dost hon mujh ko ji jaan say iss k kam ana hai baqi jo hoga dekha jae gaa.

Main zabardasti Allan ko study chair par bitha kar khud neche carpet par beth gaya us ka hath apne hathon main lia aur us ki ankhon main ankhain dal kar kaha k “Allan tell me what is going on?” mujh ko kuch sahi nahi lag raha, mujh ko batao k akhir mamla kia hai? Aur iss k baad jo howa who mere liye heran kun tha.

Allan nai kaha k, who aik Gay hai, aur as sex worker London main kam kar raha hai yeah bat kisi ko nahi maloom sab ko yehi pata hai k wooh kisi hotel main job kar raha hai, aur Pakistan main Asif and atif nai us ko mere bare main bhi bataya, Allan kehta jaa raha tha au main suntan jar aha tha, Asif ne yeah kia kardia? Atif ko yeah sab bakne ki kia zaroorat thi, kash k Allan yeah batain mujh ko Pakistan main rehte hi bata deta. Aur Allan ar gay hai tu is ne mujh ko pehle kiun nahi bataya? Aur jab who jan chukka tha k mere sath bhi esi hi gar bar hai tu kuch tu kehta, main tu iss dar say k mere bare main sab kuch jan lene k baad Allan kahi mujh ko chor na dai kuch nahi keh paa raha tha. Mgr khud Allan???

Aaj pehli dafa mai nai Allan ki ankhon main anso dekhe, meri ankhon main bhi ansoo thy, abh mainnai himat kari, mainnai us ko kaha, Ab tum pareshan na ho jot um ho wohi main hon, tum batao k tum kia chahte ho aur abh say tum yeah sex worker wali job nahi karo gay, Allan bola k who abh bht use too ho gaya hai, one date each day wali kahani hai. Dosra k ess kam main kamai bht achi hai jitna mainaik hafte main flower aur newspaper ki sell say pese kamata hon us say kahin ziada who 1-2 din main kama leta hai. Abh samjh aya k Allan kiun peson ki taraf say be fikr rehta tha? Allan ne mujh ko kaha k us ski life jese chal rahi hai wese hi chalne don, haan who aur main abh dosti say aik qadm agai barh kar relationship main ajain, Allan khud UK LGBT ka register member tha. Mere liye etna kuch karna mumkin nahi tha kiun k humare (Pakistani) society main yeah sab ka agr kisi ko pata lag jae tu aik hangama barpa ho jana tha.

Main kuch dair khamosh raha aur uth kar khara howa mere sath Allan bhi khara hogaya, rat kafi ho rahi thi aur hum logon nai dinner bhi nahi kia tha. Mainnai khud k andar bht bht himat peda kari. Main nai Allan say poche baher, aur kuch kahe bagher Allan k chahre ko apne hathon main thama aur apne hont us k honton par laga diye, Allan nai bilkul muzahimat nahi kari balke mujh say ziada deep response diya, aur hum kafi dair tak aik dosre ko frnech kis karte rahe, humare hont, humari zaban aik dosre kandar hi aur Allan meri kamar pakre howe tha. Mera liye yeah sabh naya nahi tha mr bht ziada time k baad ho raha tha, agr mujh ko ziada tharak charhti thi tu main masturbation kar lia karta tha. Mgr yahan London main kisi say nahi mila tha kiun k anajana city tha aur anjane city main sabh hi ko dar lagta hai. Mgr khud mere sath aik ensan mere jesa hi tha aur main pehchan bhi nahi saka. Jabh main aur Allan beqabo hone lage tu Allan ka mobile baja. Hum aik dosre say alag howe main bed par beth gaya. Sharmindagi tu nahi thii mgr sharm arahi rahi thi. Allan ne call rec kari. Kuch jawab dia aur mujh say kaha k chalo chalet hain, main nai kaha kahan? Tu jawab mila k tum chalo tu sahi aaj hum dinner bahar lain gy aur aaj main (allan) bht khush hai. Mgr main khush nahi tha. Allan ko hasil kar lena hi sab kuch nahi tha agr main Allan ko hasil kar leta hon tu phir us ki job say kese compromise karon gaa? Main tu kabhi nahi chahon gaa k mera boy friend dosron k bister garam karta phir raha ho aur part time mere sath bhi, hishhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Main nai kaha nahi esa nahi hnoa chahiye, abh 2 hi raste thy, ya tu main Allan ko chor dun ya Allan who job chor day, main nai after dinner Allan say bat karne ka faisla kia, Khuda Khuda kar k tu Allan thoda nrml howa tha main aik dam say hi us ko kisi nai mushkil main nahi dalna chahta tha.

Hum log dinner karne bahar nikle, hum aksar shammainthoda walk karne k liye camps main ghoma karte thy. Mgr city main bht kam jaya karte thy who bhi campus k qarib h qarib mgr aaj Allan ka mood kuch aur tha. Hum log kafi dair tak walk karte us stop par aye hum kahan ja rahe thy ka pata sirf Allan ko hi tha. Hum log busmain baith kar London k posh area main agai. Yahan aik Pakistani hotel main bethe, Allan nai khud, Biryani ka order kia aur main bht khus howa k aaj pure Pakistani khana khane ko mil raha tha, biryani k baad hum nai kheer khai aur tea pee aur ess doran Allan Pakistan ki batain karta raha aur yadain taza karta raha.

London, Main, Allan aur Mere Dad ki death

London main din guzarte rahe, mera kaam chalta rha aur part time nokri bhi chalti rahi. Allan meri qadm qadm par rehnumai karta raha, kabhi kabhi tu mujh ko esa mehsoos ho raha tha k jese meri aur Allan ki bht purani jan pehchan hai ya hum achpan say hi aik dosre ko jante hain. Allan aksar mujh ko net use karne ka kehta mgr meri study timing aur job timing k baad koi waqt hi nahi bachta tha k jis main main koi aur kam kar sakon. Raat main aksar main aur Allan sath hi beth jate aur apne notes banate aur share karte.

Karachi main bhi sabh khushal mangal tha, main wekly job hi kamata us ka 75% Karachi bhej deta mujh ko pora yaqen tha k mere bheje howe peson say gher main khushali nahi tu aram zaroor agaya hoga. Humare exams end howe tu Allan nai kaha k abh hum kuch rest karte hain study ne bht tough time diya tha rest say murad bister par let kar aram karna nahi balke hangout waghera ka plan tha. Meri jaib aur halat mujh ko ziada ayashi ki ijazat nahi dete thy mgr Allan ki wjha say mai nai bhi next weekend say 2 din ka off kar k Allan k sath outing ka program banana shuru kia, sath hi Allan ko apne budgt say bhi agah kar dia. Allan nai kuch nahi kaha aur kaa don’t worry v;ll manage the things in vry limited amount.

Next week end par hum log ne central London ke sair ka plan banaya aur ht ghome phire,, etne dinon say London main hone ke bawajood bhi main ne kuch nahi dekha tha. Uss say agle hafte hum log Temz par gai aur gaint wheel per bethe aur bht enjoy kia.

Din guzrte ja rahai thy naya term / semester bhi start ho chukka tha aur main apni old routine par wapis agaya, Allan ko aik hotel main part time job mil gae thi, abh Allan sham main alag jata aur main alag, main apna wohi flower wala kaam kar raha tha, amadni bhi ho hi jati thi. Main aik dafa phir apne dean say mila aur request kari k mera guzara flower ko bechne say nahi ho raha mujh ko koi aur kaam karne ki ijazat dilwain, unhon nai kaha k next week tak kuch karte hain. Main flower bech kar wapis ata tu us tym tak Allan wapis nahi ata tha. Hum log raat ka khana (diner) sath hi kia karte thy, tu mujh ko Allan ka entizar karna parta tha, mgr jab tak Allan nahi atta main fresh ho kar kabhi Allan k laptop par music suntan kabhi ankhain band kar k apne mustaqbil ki planning karta, mgr parhai nahi karta tha. Kiun k parhai hum log sath hi kia karte thy.

Iss tym par mujh ko mehsoos hone laga tha k jese main Allan k baghr akela hon, ess main koi shak nahi k jabh say main London aya tha Allan k bare main bht kuch soch chukka tha, dil hi dil main uss ko apna sab kuch man chukka tha, mujh ko nahi pata k uss ehsas ko piyar kahon ya Allan ko pane ki justuju mgr Allan k sath hota tu mujh ko aik security ka ehsas hota. Apne pan ka ehsas hota. Main nai kafi dafa chaha k Allan say us ki sexuality pochon mgr himat nahi kar paa raha tha, hum aksar mazakh karte aur us mazakh main hum larka ya larki ki tamiz nahi karte, Allan bhi aksar asian larkon ki bht tareef karta tha. Mgr main ess say ziada ki himat nahi kar paa raha tha.

Esi doran Allan nai kaha k who next term k end par 10-15 din k liye apni mom say milne jae gaa, mere qadmon k neche say zamin nikal gae, mainnai pata nahi kiun iss baat par Allan say bht ghagra kia, mujh ko tension hone lagi thi k ess k bagher mera kia hoga, meri tu kisi say etni dosti bhi nahi thi k us k sath kahi bahar ja sakon ya ….

Allan bhi meri halat samjh raha tha mgr kia karta us ka jana bhi zaroori tha, etifaq ki bat hai k Karachi say ami ny bataya k meri brhn jis ki shadi hoi thi woho Canada ja rahi hai next month. Yeah tub ht khushi ki baat thi main nai Karachi phone kar k sari details li aur sis ko mubarakbad di. Sath yeah bhi pata chala k abbu ki tabyat bhi abh kuch thik nahi hai. Jab say main yahan aya ta abbu ki jst once cal aye thi us k baad na hi unhon nai phone kia na hi main nain un ko koi cal kari. Mera dil abbu say bat karne ko bht chah raha tha mgr khud say call karne ki himat nahi kar paa raha tha. main nai raat hi ko abbu say bat karne ka faisla kia. 
Raat ko jab abbu k number par call kari tu numbr off tha, pata nahi kiun mujh ko bht ghabrahat ho rahi thi. main nai ammi ko phone kia tu ami call rec nahi kar rahi thi.
majboran apne cosin ko call karna pari tu uss ne phone uthaya, jese hi uss ne phone uthaya tu kisi na kaha k meri cal hai tu line kat du abhi foran. yeah alfaz meri bari ammi k thy, mgr unhon nai esa kiun kaha hoga? kia chal raha hai karachi main? main nai bar bar ammi ko call kari mgr koi mera phone nahi utha raha tha. main nai Asif aur Atif ko call kari aur un say reqest kari k mere gher ja kar dekhe k akhir ami meri call kiun nahi utha rahi hain. Asif nai foran hi mere gher jane ka kaha main yahan Allan k sath heran pareshan betha tha Allan mujh ko tasali de raha tha mgr meri ghabrahat barhti jaa rahi thi. 2 ghante baad mujh ko ammi ki call aye ess time raat k 1-30am (london tym) ho raha tha. Ammi ki awaz un ka sath nahi dy rhi thi bus etna hi kaha k Abbu ka saya hum par nahi raha. main nai kaha Kiaaaa? na mujh main kuch pochne ki himat rahi na hi ami k phone say koi awaz arahi thi. Asif ne mujh ko phone kia tu Allan ne bat kari, Allan k liye shayad yea sabh bilkul naya tha esi liye woh bhi heran betha howa tha k kia kare, thoda dair main main nai fir call kari aur ami say kaha k main araha hon. Ammi ne mujh ko mana kar dia k main nai aon, apni parhai darmiyan main choor kar aur ese ana mere liye acha nhi hoga jo hona tha woh ho gaya, abh anai ka koi faida nahi wese bhi meri bari ammi aur dada k gher wale janaza subh hi utha rahe hain, mere anai ka koi intizar nahi kar sakta.
main nai tafsil pochna chahi tu bus etna bataya k heart fail howa hai. main khud ko sambhalne ki pori koshish kar raha tha, Mujh ko apne father say bht shikayat thi, sri umr un ko ji bhr k nahi dekh saka tha kabhi un ki job ki majbori aur kabhi bari ami ki majbori, main tu bus etna chahta tha k aik din apne father k sath akela bethon aur un say bht laron, un k gale lag kar rou, un k sath khelon aur woh din meri zindagi ka yadgar din ban jae. mgr yeah sab tu ulta hi ho gaya tha. ensan sochta kuch hai aur hota kuch hai. ess tym mere cosin ki call aye aur kaha k tum online rehna main janaze ki fotages tum ko fb and orkut par share karta rahon gaa. subh Wednesday tha yani working day. uni bhi jana tha mgr main nai Allan ko mana kar dia "aaj tu mere dad ka janaza hai, aaj nahi ja sakta. naha dho kar aik taraf baith gaya, porani yadain ati rahi aur anso girte rahe, hosh jabh aya jabh Allan cheekh k bola hey Looks here's ur fther funeral." mere cosin nai wade k mutabiq sirf fotage hi share nahi kari thi balke pata nahi kia kar k har 5 minute baad ki vids share kar raha tha, msn par online bhi tha aur apne phone say vids bana raha tha. yahan beth kar  janaza dekh hi sakta tha. jabh mere dad ki face pics aye tu mere moun say chekhen nikalne lagi, Allan mujh ko sambhalne ki pori koshish kar raha tha, mgr abh mujh say bardasht nahi ho raha tha main phoot phoot k ro para. esa roya k shayad hi pehle kabhi roya hon, Allan kabhi mujh ko gale lagata kabhi mera hath pakarta kabhi mere mathe ko chomta sath sath woh karachi phone par rabita bhi kar raha tha, uss ne ami say bat karne ki koshish kari mgr ammi ko english bilkul nahi ati thi. uss ny phone meri tarf barhaya tu ami bhi wahan ru rahi thi aur meri awaz sun kar bht pareshan ho gai, Ammi bht himat say kam lete howe mujh ko sabr ki talqeen kar rahi thi, phir cosin say bat hoi, sabh hi mujh ko sabr ki talqin kar rahe thy mgr mere andar aik lawa ubl raha tha jo thanda hone ka nam nahi le raha tha. Mere cosin nai har mouqe ki pic share kar raha tha, jabh dad ko qabr main utara gaya, akhri dafa un ka chehra dikhaya gaya, phir chehra band kia gaya, phir pehli sleep rakhi gai, phir dosri, phir akhri, phir matti dalne ka amal, yeah sabh mere liye bht mushkil tha. main kitna badnsib ensan hon k bachpan say abh tak yehi khwahish karta raha k mere dad mujh ko aik dafa apne gale say lagain, mujh ko apni goud main uthain na hi woh moka laga na hi mujh bad nasib ko apne dad k janaze ko kandha dene ka un ko qabr main utarne ka mouka laga. na hi aik muthi matti dalne ka mouka mila. yeah kesa emtihan hai, kiun main hamesha aik band gali main akar khara ho jata hon. kiun mere sath hi esa hta hai k sabh kuch main khud hi sambhalon. Dad k janaze k baad Pakistan main zhr ka time hoga aur yahan din ka. main uni nahi gaya Allan bhi nahi gaya. Allan mere liye softdrink le aya tha mgr halaq say kuch nahi utr raha tha k karachi say aik aur call agai. jis main meri sis ne kaha k bhai aap khud ko sambhalo yahan sabh thik hai. main abbu k soyam k baad canada ja rahi hon. ammi ko bhi sath le ja rahi hon ye bat aap ko (mujh ko es liye nahi batai k main pareshan honga) aur ammi ki edat wahi canada main hogi. mai n kia kehta mujh ko tu kuch smajh hi nahi araha tha. kia howa? kese howa? kia hoga? bus dil chah raha tha k ankhain band karon aur Pakistan chala jaon aur ......
Yehi woh din thy jahan meri zindagi aur main khud bilkul badal gaya, Allan nai 3 din mera ese khayal rakha k jese main koi bhatka howa bacha hon mujh ko zabardasti khilata, mujh ko bahar le k jata, mere sath batain karta, yahan tak k uss ne apne canada jane ka plan tak badl diya. uss ne apne kuch aur doston ko bhi bolana shuru kar diya jo mere sath batain karte mgr main pata nahi kiun chup ho gaya tha, apni majboori pe rona ata tha ALLAH ko tu bhol hi gaya tha. Phir Allan khud hi bola k mujh ko namaz parhna chahiye, aaj abbu ka soyam tha. mere cosin mujh say rabita main thy, gher say net par online ho kar yahan allan k laptop par main online howa, jab webcam start howa tu ammi ni mujh ko dekh kar rona shuru kar dia Allan mere sath hi betha howa tha ammi nay apni urdu main Allan say kaha k mera khayal rakhe main gayab dimagh sab dekh raha tha aur sun raha tha. Majboran ammi ko kehna para k agr main ana chahta hon tu ajaon, Allan ne bhi meri ammi aur cosin ko yehi samjhane ki koshish kari k mujh ko Pakistan ja kar ana chahiye, mgr mere pass etne pese kaha thy, k tickt leta jata aur ata, yahan study, aik dam main nai khud ko sambhalna shuru kia apne anso poche washroom say moun hath dho kar phir laptop k agai betha ami ko dilasa diya aur msn live par soyam main shirkat kari. Allan ko bhi meri halat say thora tasali hoi mgr Allan anadr hi andar koi faisla kar chuka tha. jabh soyam khatam howa tu sabh log qabrustan chale gai main Allan k sath bahar aya tu Allan nai kaha k hum dono hi ek hafte main Paksitan ja rahe hain aur jst within a week wapis ajain gy, main nai pocha k kese hoga manage Allan na kaha k main khud dekho gaa tum pareshan na homere pass iss tym tak 500 pounds jama thy main nai woh Allan ko diye, Allan nai next day uni ja kar dean ko sari sorat haal batai dean nai bht cooperate kia aur pata nahi kis tarhan Allan aur mere tickt bhi confrm ho gae aur hum pakistan jane ki tayari karne lage. Allan nai mujh ko mana kar diya tha k main Pakistan main kisi ko na bataon k hum log arahe hain. meri had tak tu thik tha mgr Allan ko apne ghr main kese adjust karon gaa? mera gher tu bht chota hai aur Allan ko tu saholat k sath rehne ki adat hai main nai aik dafa phir Allan ko sari situation say agah kia, Allan nai kaha k tumhara ghr jesa bhi hai main manage kar lon gaa, insan ko har mahool main rehne ki adat honi chahiye. main bht khush bhi tha tu afsurda bhi k kash main apne dad k janaze par chala jata mgr qismat ko jo manzoor.
aur woh din aa hi gaya k jab humari pak k liye flight thi, subh ammi ki call aye humari (london tym k hisab say 4pn ki flight thi) ami ne pocha k kia ho raha thai main nai kaha k uni ja raha hon aur abh khud ko sambhal raha hon main nai apna phone bech diya hai 2-3 din main naya le kar call karon ga. ami ny pocha bhi k kiun mgr main ni kuch nahi bola, koi shoping nahi bus 2 jode kapron k rakhe aur airport k liye nikal para, Airport puhanche tu meri class k taqriban sare hi mate airport par thy, mere class incharge Mr Robrt aur dept dean bhi wahan tha main hera tha k yeah log yahan kese, mgr sabh nai mujh ko himat dilai aur mujh ko dean nai bataya k humare jane ka entizam college k student social funds say kia gaya hai aur sari class nai pese jama kiye tu main phir ro para sabh ko bar bar thnx keh raha tha mgr sabh hi khush thy k main ghr ja raha hon. Goron (angrezon) ko lakh bura keh lo mgr ensaniyat bht hai, bager kisi lihaz k ese mushkil waqt meri madad kari thi k main soch bhi nahi sakta tha. esi waqt mujh ko jahaz main mili anuty aur sare contct yad aye k main un say bhi help le sakta tha, mgr ALLAH ka shukr ada kia k kisi k agai hath nahi phelane pare aur Mujh ko Allan ki shakal main aik farishta mila jo har lamha mere sath tha. hum log boarding kar k waiting area main agai flight main kuch hi waqt tha k Allan ka phona baja line par ami thi. Allan nai meri bat karai tu ami ne phir pocha tum kaha ho, main nai kaha uni main hon, ami ny mujh ko sabr ki talqin kari aur kaha k himat say kaam lon pata nahi kiun mera (ami ka) dil bht ghabra raha hai. flight ka elan howa aur hum on board chale gai. yeah flight via Qatar Karachi ja rahi thi. aur hum ko aglai 14 hours main karachi hona tha. main dil hi dil main bht khush tha k jabh sabh mujh ko apne darmiyan dekhe gay tu kitna khush  honge aur main apne dad ki qabr par ja kar un say maafi tu mang sakon gaa. . . . .

Me in London. (Meeting with Allan)

Jese hi main hawai jahaz main dakhil howa mere mobile per mere cosin ki call aye, woh kisi masrofiyat ki wajha say mujh say nahi mil saka tha, mgr abh uss ki call arahi thi, main jaldi jaldi apni seat par betha aur uss ki call ko recive kia, us ne shikwa kia k main mila tak nahi tu main nai kaha k yar flight ka apna time hota hai, woh bechara bhaga bhaga airport tak aya tha mgr uss waqt tak main boarding kar chuka tha. . . uss say kuch batain kar ke mobile band kar dia kiun k bar bar elan ho raha tha k mobile band karo, laptop off karo aur seat belt band lo, main nai wohi kia jesa kaha ja raha tha. mujh ko tu yeh bhi nahi pata tha k main kitna dair main London puhanchon gaa, aur wahan utr kar karna kia hai, bus birtish consil say jo letter mila tha us main likha tha k airport par mujh ko lene hostel ka koi banda aye gaa.
Gher ki yadain, office ke batain aur nai zindagi ki talash parhne ki lagan sabh kuch soch kar himat de raha tha khud ko, essi lamhe jahaz nai take-off karne ka elan kia, mera pehla safr tha bht excited aur bht dara howa, main nai apne dono hathon say seat ko pakar lia aur apni ankhain band kar k ayatal kursi parhne laga "hum jese musalmanon ko ALLAH sirf ese hi mushkil moqe par yad ata hai. ALLAH maaf kare."
Thoda dair main jahaz urh chuka tu jan main jan aye, meri seat window ki nahi thi mgr main bar bar window main dekhne ki koshish kar raha tha, mere brabr wali seat par aik borhi khatoon bethi thi mere ko dekh kar khud hi kehne lagi k "beta tum ess seat par ajao main tumhari seat par ajati hon, main ne un ka bht shukriya ada kia aur mana karne ki koshish kari mgr woh samjh chuki thi k main excited hon esi liye khud hi khari ho gai aur hum nai seat exchange kar li. Jahaz iss wqt samandr k oper tha. aur main khriki say neche dekhne ki koshish kar raha tha. phir un aunty ne mera interview liya tu main nai sab hi sach sach bata dia, woh bhi apne bete k pass U.K ja rahi thi. unhon nai bht shafqat say mere sar par hath phera aur mujh ko himat di. thoda diar main main khud hi su gaya kiun k pichle kuch dinon say thik sy soya tak nahi tha. raste main bht acha khana diya gaya aur bhi achezen serve kari gai. aik bht lambi flight k baad elan howa k hum Heathrow  airport par utarne wale hain, sabh apni tayari karne lage, aur main aik dafa fir say khoof main k abh yahan kia hoga, anajana mulk hai, na koi jan pehchan kese karon ga manage, sab say ziada khoof mujh ko apni english kamzoor hone par tha k kese airport pe deal karon gaa. phir andar say awaz aye, "Uth Bandh Kamar Kia Darta Hai -  Phir Dekh KHUDDA kia karta hai." aur essi awaz nai mujh ko himat di. jo anty brabar wali seat par thi unhon nai kaha k beta agr koi pareshani hoi tu main yahan london main hi hon mera beta tumhari pori help kare ga. aur main tumhare hostel jane tak tumhare sath hon, mujh ko aur himat hoi, main nai KHUDDA ka bht shukr ada kia. jahaz nai landing kari. hum log bahar nikle, apna saman uthaya, immigeration counter par aye, aunty mere sath sath hi thi, angrez aur un ki angrezi meri samjh say bahar thi bari mushkil say hi kuch samjh paa raha tha. aunty ne har marhale par meri help kari. hum log saman le kar bahar nikle tu. aunty ka beta samne hi khara tha aur aik aingrez uncle mere naam ki takhti le kar khare howe thy takhti par mera naam, Cambridge University, Karachi Pakistan likha howa tha 2-3 dafa parh kar main un k paas gaya uhnhon ne mera passport dekha mujh say hath milaya aur aunty k bete ne un say kuch kaha phir anty ne mere sar par hath phera, un k bete ne mujh ko apna visiting card dia k koi problem ho mujh say rabita karna. main nay un sab ka thanks kaha aur hostel wale angrez uncle k sath aik cab main beth kar apni nai manzil ki taraf nikal para. main raste main london ki sarkon ko dekh raha tha road par gariyan chal rahi thi mgr bht hi qanoon k hisab say, log foot path par thy, har tarf asool pasandi nazr arahi thi, safai esi k soch bhi nahi sakta tha. sabh kuch jese aik khwab lag raha tha. thoda hi dair main Cambridg ka hostel agaya. cab andar dakhil hoi, entrence par kuch log khare howe thy. Mujh ko bilkul andaza nahi tha k yeah log mere liye khare howe hain. Main nai 100% scholarship k liye qualify kia tha. jo bht kam log karte hain. esi lye mere hostel k sare hi log wahan mojood thy, main bahar nikla tu mere sath mujood sahib ne un sab say mera inro karaya, sab ne mujh ko mubarakbad di, hath milaya aik ne mera saman pakra aur mujh ko mere room ki taraf le jane lae, raste main meri mulaqat mere room mate say karai gai jo mujh ko lene hi araha tha, uss ka naam "ALLAN" tha, aur woh bhi Canada say yahan parhne aya tha. uss ne bht hi khalos k sath mujh say hath milaya mera hal chal pocha aur hum apne room main agai, room kia tha aik choota hall tha jis main 2 bed lage howe thy aik tarf tv tha attached bath tha, chota fridg tha, cupboeard tha, ALLAH ka guitar and violin tha study table thi aur 2 sitting charis lagi hoi thi, aik chota carpet bhi tha, (Agr moqa laga aur munasib howa tu uss room ki pics bhi zaroor share karon gaa). main heran k mujh jese ghareeb ensan ko jo karachi say apni jaib main sirf 5000 pakistani rakh kar yahan aya hai etni achi saholat mile ge, (meri ankhon main ansoo agai aur main nai dil hi dil main ALLAH ka shukr ada kia). sabh log aik aik kar k ruksat ho gai, abh room main mai aur Allan hi reh gae thy. Allan nai eshara kia aur ka "Do you wanna get fresh?" main nai kaha oh yes yes, wo muskura diya mera jawab khalis pakistani english style main tha. uss ne mujh ko washroom dikahaya main nai apne bag say soap waghera nikala tu Allan nai kaha k everything is in washroom, main khisyaa kar washrom main gaya aur jaldi main apne kapre lejana bhool gaya. main nai aik lamba shower lia, towel lapeta abh samjh nahi araha tha k esi halat main bahar niklon ya Allan say help lon, pehli hi mulaqat main yeah sabh kuch acha nahi lag raha tha. Majbooran main nai washroom ka darwaza khoola aur Allan ko kuch es tarhan kahan "Oh Allan, please take a side I wanna come in the room to change my clothes." ye tha mera pehla mukamil angrezi jumla jo main nai London puhanchne k baad abh tak kaha tha. Allan ko pata nahi kia howa bht zoor zoor say hansne laga. phir kaha, "Come on buddy, nobody is here, u can change your clothes I am not gonna do anything at this moment." phir woh uth kar room say bahar chala gaya. main jaldi jaldi room main aya apne kapre uthaye aur washroom main ja kar change kia.
Pehli mulaqat main hi sabh gar bar ho raha tha. main nai khud ko nrml rakhne ki koshish kari gehri gehri sansain li aur washroom say bahar aya, Aaj yahan friday tha aur din k 3:30 ka tym tha. main wapis room main akar apni chezain samtne laga. achanak khayal aya k mujh ko london puhanch kar 3-4 ghante ho gai hain mgr gher walon ko phone tak nahi kia, mere pass sirf 25 punds (UK ki currence) thi, socha kisi public both say gher phone kar don gaa. jabh yahan ki sim lon ga tu bad main ussi say bat kar lia karon gaa. thoda dair main Allan wapis aya tu uss k hath main aik shoper tha. main nai tu Light house say jeans ki 2 paints li thi aur 2 tee's li thi un main say aik pehn li thi aur saaf lag raha tha k mangi hoi cheez pehn rakhi hai.
Allan nai aik dafa phir mujh ko Hi kaha aur shoper say aik energy drink nikal kar mujh ko dia, main nai bht mana kia (dil hi dil main soch raha tha k kahin ye halki phulki sharab hi na ho) mgr Allan nahi mana aur kaha k aik dost ki tarf say pehli treat aur welcome drink hai, main nai majbooran chote chote ghont le kar peena shuru kia, phir Allan samne baith gaya kuch dair khamosh rehne k baad utha aur apna laptop nikala, phir mujh say batain shuru kardi, main nai tooti phooti english main uss ka sath dene ki koshish kari us ne meri halat samjh li thi esi liye bht sambhal sambhal kar english bol raha tha. us ne mujh ko bataya k yahan weekend shuru ho chuka hai, aur Monday say Uni start hogi jahan mera fisrt term ya semister already start ho chuka hai aur main 2 weeks ki classes miss kar chuka hon, mujh ko sath sath english improve karne k liye one years english language foundation course bhi karna tha. yani aik din main main taqreeban 6-8 hours ka study plan diya gaya tha mujh ko. main nai himat kar k Allan say kaha k mujh ko Pakistan apne gher walon ko inform karna hai agr hum kahin bahar ja kar public both say phone kar sake, Allan tu foran hi khara ho gaya, aur kaha Come on buddy what r u waiting for? main bhi ready ho gaya, Oh yeah kia mere pass tu shoes bhi dhang k nahi thy, Allan nai kuch kahe bagher hi wardrob say apne shoes nikal kar diye mere mana karne par us ne bura moun banaya aur main nai halat ko dekhte howe uss k jote pehen liye jo mujh ko thora bare thy mgr set thy. hum dono apne room say bahar nikle tu Allan nai apna mobile mujh ko diya k main apne gher txt kar don k main puhanch gaya hon thoda dair main call karta hon. main nai us k mobile say apni ami aur sis k number par message kia. msg ka jawab kia ana tha ammi ka phone foran agaya, main nai Allan ka thanks kar k phone lia aur bat kari, Pak-UK call bht expensive thi mgr ammi nai 500 ka balance already load kar rakha tha mera hal chal pocha thoda roi mujh ko kuch hidayat di aur behn say bat hoi aur mujh ko aur pakistan main gher walon ko thoda sakon howa main nai kaha k aaj raat ya kal raat phir phone karon gaa. mgr aap log ess numbe par (Allan k number par na karna). Allan bhi halka halka muskura raha tha. hum log batain karte karte hostel say bahar agai. Allan nai mujh ko London k tariqe, qanoon, qaghera k bare main batana shuru kia, aur kaha k iss weekend par main tum ko thoda city dikhaon gaa, aur hum aik dosre ko samjhne ki koshish karain gai, akhir 4 saal aik sath jo rehna hai.
Allan bht kind, humble, caring nature ka larka hai, mera hum umr hi hai, aik dam gora chita. masoom si soort, uss ki baton say pata chala k uss ki mom divorce le chuki hai aur 2nd husband k sath Denmark main hai uss ka baap kabhi kabhar us ko phone karta hai, Allan 50% scholarship par U.K parhne aya hai. main nai bhi apne bare main thoda bht bataya. main us ko samjhne aur woh mujh ko samjhne ki koshish main tha, us nai sabh say pehle mujh ko london ka mashoor Hide park dikhaya, Help and resuce services k bare main bataya, medication k liye kia karna chahiye ye bataya, subway bataya. aur hum in 2 dinon main bht achi tarhan ghul mil gai, etna k mujh ko Allan ki sorat main aik bht acha dost aur sathi mil gaya jo qadm qadm par meri rehnumai karta, sunday ki sham main hostel main logon ki amad shuru ho gai, kuch log jo out of city chale gai thy week end k liye woh wapis arahe thy, Allan nai bataya k monday morning kabh uthna hai, kis tym mess par jana hai aur kis tym class lene. aur mere pehla din bht hangame wala hoga, har koi mujh ko janna chahe gaa, kuch log masti karain gay, kuch log awazain kase gai aur mujh ko kese behave karna hai. main thoda dara sehma tha mgr Allan nai kaha k main fikr na karon woh har qadm mere sath hoga. main apne first day ki tayari karte howe aur sochte howe apne bed par let gaya. humare room main koi fan nahi tha cetnry Ac system and heating system tha. Allan apne laptop par apne doston say chit chat main masroof tha k meri ankh lag gai, subh 6 baje hi meri ankh khul gai, main nai shower lia jaldi jaldi namaz parhi aur ALLAH say madad mangi. Main jabh say UK aya tha pori koshish kar raha tha k Koi bhi namaz na choron aur Allan ko bhi iss say koi pareshani nahi thi, kal Yani guzri sunday ko Allan mujh ko apne sath Church le gaya tha jahan us ne service main shirkat kari aur main nai ehtraman khud ki nigahon ko zamin ki tarf rakha Allan mujh say bht khush tha aur main Allan say.
Thoda dair main Allan bhi uth gaya, woh bhi fresh howa, hum logon nai kapre waghera change kiye, Allan ne hi mujh ko apni grey paint di hum dono ki waist main sirf 1 inches ka farkh tha meri 29 aur Allan ki 30, phir apne sath lai hoi shirt pehni Allan nai meri Tie bandhi aur hum dono ready ho kar aik hath main note book jaib main pen rakh kar hostel k sath hi campus main jane k liye nikle, main bht khush tha, dil hi dil main ALLAH ka shukr ada kar raha tha, k isi tym Allan ka mobile baja call pak say thi Allan nai muskura kar phone mujh ko diya line apr ammi thi aur mujh ko dua de rahi thi k aaj mera pehla din hai aur main bht mehnat say parhon. main nai ami ko tasali di ami nai Allan ko bhi dua di aur 2 mint ki bat k baad main nai line kaat di, raste main har koi mujh ko ese dekh raha tha jese main koi khalai makhloq hon.  koi hath hila raha tha koi ankh mar raha tha koi kuch keh raha tha mgr Allan nai yehi kaha tha k kahin rukna nahi hai sedha campus hi jana hai. main nigahain nechi kar k chala ja raha tha. jese hi hum campus main enter howe kuch larkon nai hum ko roka, mgr Allan nai sambhal lia aur thodi si behs k baad hum log apne campus main enter ho hi gai, loby main jaga jaga notice board lage howe thy, aik notice board par meri tasvir lagi hoi thi jis ko dekh kar main nai Allan ko kaha k rukna let c whts dis. meri pic k sath jo k karachi ki thi uss ka size bara kar k lagaya gaya tha aur neche likha gaya tha k mera shumar un kuch logon main hota hai jinhon nai 100%scholarship li hai aur iss sal un 10 asian's main say hon jin ko ye ezaz mila hai meri ankhon main phir anso agai main nai ALLAH ka shukr ada kia k jis ne mujh ko etni ezat di. thoda dair main aik ghanti baji aur Allan mera hath khenchta howa mujh ko meri class ki tarf le jane laga. hum log aik bench par baith gaye, class kia thi aik tarhan ka opera hall tha bari bari benches, bara say board side main laptop books dice mic meri qismat. aik bht acha study mahool tha, jaldi jaldi baqi log bhi ane lage hum log 2nd row main thy jo ata meri taraf dekhta aur muskura kar ya hath hila kar hi kehta aur apni jaga beth jata. thoda dair main aik profesor aye sath hi Dean bhi aye, unhon nai mera naam liye main khara ho gaya, jis par woh muskurae, mujh ko apni taraf bulaya main front par gaya mujh say hath milaya aur mujh ko mera intro dene k liye kaha, Allan ne mujh ko in sabh ki bht practice karai thi. main nai bht ahista ahista aur limited intro diya sabh nai clapping kari phir mujh ko meri jagaha jane k liye kaha gaya. lecutre shuru howa aik class end hoi sachi bat hai meri samjh main kuch nahi aya tha, ye pehli class Sociology ki thi. mgr kuch samjh nahi aya tha main bht confiuse tha. Allan ne meri halat samjh li thi us ne kaha k aaj say mujh ko english ka foundation course bhi shuru karna hai aur woh mujh ko english sikhane main madad kare ga baqi notes waghera hum share kar lain gy. ALLAH nai meri har jaga madad kari. jahaz main woh anty aur yahan ALLAN. . . 
essi tarhan humare din rat guzarte gae, eik hafte baad ami say bat hoi tu ami nai pocha k kaam ka kuch howa, Oh, ess bare main tu kuch socha hi nahi tha, mere visa par 2 hours ki work permission thi main nai ami ko tasali di k next week say start ho jae gaa. Main nai Allan sy discuse kia tu Allan ne usi tym mujh ko kaha k get ready, we're going for work. hum dono hostel ki mess par aye wahan jakar aik form fil kia manager ko diya uss ne mujh ko 4 cards diye aik mera medical card tha, dosra buss pass, tesra student card aur chotha job placement card, Allan nai usi tym mujh ko kaha k hum social worker office ja rahe hain, hum log 20 mint baad social worker office the yahan main nai apna job placement card dikahaya aik chota sa interview howa jis main pocha gaya k main kia kaam kar sakta hon. phir mujh ko aik letter diya gaya jis k mutabiq mujh ko hidepark main roses sell karne ki permission di gai thi. main chonka k yeh kam kese karon gaa mgr sath hi Allan nai bhi esi kam k liye kaha tu hum dono ko hi same place par permission di gai, Allan iss say pehle aik bar main 2 hours job kar raha tha. mgr abh hum dono hi. mujh ko tu kuch pata hi nahi tha k karna kia hai, Karachi main dekha tha k larke signals par parks k bahar khare ho kar awaz laga k phool bechte hain mgr main yahan kese karon gaa. enhi khayalat main hum wapis hostel agai aik nai tension thi phir wohi howa hum shaam main sabh kamon say farigh ho kar hide park gai Allan aik flower shop par gaya jahan hum dono k 50 pnds jama karane par hum ko kuch roses aur other flowers mil gai hum dono unn flowers ko le kar hide park agai aur aik taraf khare ho gai, hum ko kuch nahi karna tha bus aik jaga khara hona tha. jin ko kuch lena hota woh khud atai aur le kar pese de kar chale jate, Allan nai mujh ko rates bata diye thy barganing ki koi gunjaish nahi thi. mere liye yeah kam koi mushkil nahi tha. aur first day hi humare sare flower bik gae hum nai rose shop main ja kar pana hisab kita kia aur meri first day ki amadni 15 pounds hoi thi. main nai ALLAH ka shukr ada kia aur socha k agr ese ho hota raha tu har week pakistan pese bheje ja sakte hain. agr roz k 10 pund bhi jama karon tu weekend tak 60-70 punds jama kar k pakistan bhej sakta hon. aur howa bhi yehi aik hafte baad main nai ami ko phone kar k bataya k 50 pounds bhej raha hon ami bht khush hoin mujh say pocha k kia kam kar rahe ho tu main nai jhoot kaha k aikl coffe shop main hon. 
esi tarhan aik month fir dosra month guzra, masrofiyat nai kuch aur sochne ka moukha tak na diya, 3rd month main nai mobile aur sim bhi le li abh gher walon say rabita asan tha, aur usi month mujh ko Asif, Bilal atif aur mere office k boss k phone agai sabh ne mujh say mera haal pocha mujh ko dua di aur kaha k sabh hi mujh ko miss kar rahe hain. Allan mere liye aik farishta tha, har week end mujh ko ghumane le jata, study main meri help karta aur main us ko rudu sikhane main laga howa tha. 4th month humare semister hone thy hum log ji jan say tayari main lage howe thy Allan ka kehna tha k hum ko kuch dinon k liye kam rok dena chahiye hum ko study par tawajha deni chahiye mgr main esa nahi chahta tha aik hafta ya aik month kam rokne ka maqsad tha k karachi main ami mushkil main ajati. bari mushkil say tu yeh roz wala kam jama tha. Allan nai kaha k woh study kare ga agr main chahon tu kam kar sakta hon. main nai kaha k main kam karon gaa baqi tym study. phir bhi Allan roz mere sath jata park main baith kar parta ya apne laptop par laga rehta aur main apne kam par jab mere kaam ka tym pora ho jata tu hum sath hi wapis ajate. . . 
 

Page - 5 of my dairy

Dear Friends,
Assalam O Alikum,

Janta hon kahani (Dairy) k kuch pages likh kar gayab hona koi achi baat nahi, mgr kia karon, aik tu meri job oper say meri tabyat. Main apni tabyat ka zikr kar k kisi bhi qism ki hamdardi hasil nahi karna chahta, bus etna bata dena chahta hon k aaj kal mera Chemotherapy chal rahi hai kal (June 2nd 2012) ko mera 3rd session tha, aur jo log medical science say wabista hain ya jante hain woh achi tarhan samjh sakte hain ke "Chemo" aik bht painful marhala hota hai. Main apni pori himat jama kar ke ess marhale say guzr raha hon. Aur umid karta hon ke jo bhi reh gaya hai uss say bhi guzr niklon ga.

Kal ka din tu wese hi ajib tha hosh tu tha mgr na hone k brabar. Kher, jo hona tha howa, abh bht behtr hon and hota hi ja raha hon. mgr kia karon meri yadon ke saye mujh ko jene nahi de rahe hain. subh say ankhon main ansoo bhar bhar arahe hain, wajha kia hai yehi janne ki koshish main net tak agaya hon, yeah bhi janta hon k ziada dair tak bethne mere liye sahi nahi mgr kia

karon khud ko tnha tanha mehsoos karon tu kahan jaon. Koi tu esa ho jo mera gham guzar ho, meri mushkil ko samjhe, aur ....

Kher, agai shuru karta hon jahan say silsila toota tha wahi say ...

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Office ki party say farigh howa tu sabh nai hi kuch tuhfe diye mgr jo duain mujh ko mili shayad aaj main apni tajurbati zindagi main kamyab hon. Main bojhal dil k sath wapis apne gher aya aur jane ki tayari karne laga. meri zindagi main hamesha kuch na kuch hal chal hi rahi hai. kabhi meri zaat k hawale say kabhi dosron k hawale say, main shuru say hi khud ko social rakhne ki koshish karta hon dosron ki maddad karna meri zindagi ka ehm hisa hai. main agr kisi ensan ko taklif main dekhon tu raha nahi jata khud ka gham, dukh aur taklif bhool bhaal kar dosron k sath lag jata hon jis ka alag hi maza hota hai. kuch din aman aur shanti k satyh guzr gae, mgr baad main fir say halchal. . abhi tak ami aur gher wale mere jane say bht khush thy mgr andar hi andar koi na koi khichri pak rahi thi, Middle class area main rehne ka aik hi nuqsan hota hai k loog apni apni kehte hain aur mere gher walon ko bhi shayad muhalle ki kuch aurton nai bharka diya tha woh aik dam say hi mere U.K jane ki mukhalif ho gae thi, yaham ere tickt tayar  thy, main khud bhi excited tha aur jane main sirf 2 din he reh gaye thy k ami nai kaha k koi zaroorat nahi jane ki jo karna hai yahan karoo. Main nai ammi ko bht samjhaya manaya mgr woh nahi mani, majbooran mujh ko ami k sath thoda sakht lehje main baat karna pari, aur main nai kaha k main ja raha hon chahe kuch bhi ho jae, main wahan ja kar apni zimeh dari pori karon gaa iss k liye bht qasmain khai aur wade kiye, jane wale din ami tayar ho gai, sabh hi ru rahe thy k jese main jang larne jaa raha hon, main jahan excited tha wahi bht ziada sehma howa tha, U.K jana ki khushi thi tu wahan ja kar khud ko adjust karne ki bhi pareshani. 
main raat ki flight say ja raha tha k Woh agaya jis ko nahi ana chahiye tha uss k sath Atif bhi tha main pata nahi kiun jaal bhun k reh gaya, main main nai saaf saaf Asif ko kaha k yar tum ko nahi ana chahiye tha jabh hum decide kar shuke thy k hum abh nahi mile gay, tu uss nay kaha k main bhi out of country ja raha hon akhri mulaqat hai sare gille shikwe door karo aur main Atif k sath khush hon tum bhi apne liye koi acha larka dhoondh lo tu tum ko asani rahe gi. main nai aik pheki hansi k sath thanks kaha. ami log nay mere saman main jane kia kia rakh diya tha. hum loog aik texi aur Asif ki gari main airport rawana howe. Karachi main jahan jahan say guzrta ajib hasrat say dekh raha tha sara rasta ami mujh ko nasihatain kar rahi thi sath sath roti jaa rahi thi. main un ko tasali dene ki nakam koshish kar raha tha mgr kamyab nahi ho raha tha. Aur airport agaya, flight main 4 hours thy mgr boarding announce ho chuki thi. International departure launge main sabh ko alvida kaha aur main apne ansoon pe qabo nahi rakh saka bht himat say kaam le raha tha, 4-year study plan tha kese rahon gaa 4 saal gher k bagher, yahan kia hoga sari fikrain bar bar mere dimagh main ati jaa rahi thi. akhri kar himat kar k ammi ko salam kia un k qadmon ko choowa, gale laga ami k ansoo ponche aur sabh say mila, Asif mujh ko aik taraf le gaya abh ki dafa uss ki ankhon main bhi ansoo thy, mujh ko herat hoi ess ko kia howa hai? yeah tu life ko just enjoy karta hai. uss nai kaha "mujh say jo bhi howa woh sabh meri majboori tha, mgr main nai tum ko apna samjha tha, mgr kia karon? tum bin reh nahi sakta tha esi liye kisi aur ko apnana para, mgr tum (mujh) say dil laga liya tha. ho sake tu mujh (uss) ko maaf kardon, main nai uss k dono hath apne hathon main liye uss k mathe ko chooma, aur kaha, sachi doosti kabhi bhi khatm nahi hoti, zindagi main aik na aik din zaroor milain gay." mere liye dua karna, uss nay mujh ko aik kaghaz diye jis main us k kuch doston aur family k numbr thy jo U.K main rehte thy, uss ne kaha k agr koi mushkil ho tu main uss ko phone karon uss say jo kuch bhi ban para woh kare ga."
hum loog aik dosre k gale lage aur pehli dafa mujh ko uss ko gale lagane say bht itminan mila aur esa mehsoos howa k jese main apni koi bht qimti cheez karachi choor k jaa raha hon. time ziada ho raha tha aur abh mujh ko andar jana chahiye thaa. 
main nai aik dafa fir sab ko alvida kaha aur airport main dakhil howa, mera yeah pehla safar tha bht ziada confiuse tha bahar ami log khare thy bar bar mobile par poch rahe thy kahan tak puhanche main nai jaldi jaldi apna custom karaya, immegeration proccess mukamil kia aur waiting laung main agaya wahan flight abhi announce nahi hoi thi. ami log visitor area say mujh ko dekh rahe thy aur mobile par bat kar rahe thy, asif aur atif bhi wahi n mojood thy main apni ankhain band kar k sabh ko apne bht qareeb mehsoos kar raha tha. thoda hi dair main flight announce hoi main nai aik nazr oper visitor loby main dekha aur sabh ko hath hilata howa on-board jane laga. . . . .