London, Main, Allan aur Mere Dad ki death

London main din guzarte rahe, mera kaam chalta rha aur part time nokri bhi chalti rahi. Allan meri qadm qadm par rehnumai karta raha, kabhi kabhi tu mujh ko esa mehsoos ho raha tha k jese meri aur Allan ki bht purani jan pehchan hai ya hum achpan say hi aik dosre ko jante hain. Allan aksar mujh ko net use karne ka kehta mgr meri study timing aur job timing k baad koi waqt hi nahi bachta tha k jis main main koi aur kam kar sakon. Raat main aksar main aur Allan sath hi beth jate aur apne notes banate aur share karte.

Karachi main bhi sabh khushal mangal tha, main wekly job hi kamata us ka 75% Karachi bhej deta mujh ko pora yaqen tha k mere bheje howe peson say gher main khushali nahi tu aram zaroor agaya hoga. Humare exams end howe tu Allan nai kaha k abh hum kuch rest karte hain study ne bht tough time diya tha rest say murad bister par let kar aram karna nahi balke hangout waghera ka plan tha. Meri jaib aur halat mujh ko ziada ayashi ki ijazat nahi dete thy mgr Allan ki wjha say mai nai bhi next weekend say 2 din ka off kar k Allan k sath outing ka program banana shuru kia, sath hi Allan ko apne budgt say bhi agah kar dia. Allan nai kuch nahi kaha aur kaa don’t worry v;ll manage the things in vry limited amount.

Next week end par hum log ne central London ke sair ka plan banaya aur ht ghome phire,, etne dinon say London main hone ke bawajood bhi main ne kuch nahi dekha tha. Uss say agle hafte hum log Temz par gai aur gaint wheel per bethe aur bht enjoy kia.

Din guzrte ja rahai thy naya term / semester bhi start ho chukka tha aur main apni old routine par wapis agaya, Allan ko aik hotel main part time job mil gae thi, abh Allan sham main alag jata aur main alag, main apna wohi flower wala kaam kar raha tha, amadni bhi ho hi jati thi. Main aik dafa phir apne dean say mila aur request kari k mera guzara flower ko bechne say nahi ho raha mujh ko koi aur kaam karne ki ijazat dilwain, unhon nai kaha k next week tak kuch karte hain. Main flower bech kar wapis ata tu us tym tak Allan wapis nahi ata tha. Hum log raat ka khana (diner) sath hi kia karte thy, tu mujh ko Allan ka entizar karna parta tha, mgr jab tak Allan nahi atta main fresh ho kar kabhi Allan k laptop par music suntan kabhi ankhain band kar k apne mustaqbil ki planning karta, mgr parhai nahi karta tha. Kiun k parhai hum log sath hi kia karte thy.

Iss tym par mujh ko mehsoos hone laga tha k jese main Allan k baghr akela hon, ess main koi shak nahi k jabh say main London aya tha Allan k bare main bht kuch soch chukka tha, dil hi dil main uss ko apna sab kuch man chukka tha, mujh ko nahi pata k uss ehsas ko piyar kahon ya Allan ko pane ki justuju mgr Allan k sath hota tu mujh ko aik security ka ehsas hota. Apne pan ka ehsas hota. Main nai kafi dafa chaha k Allan say us ki sexuality pochon mgr himat nahi kar paa raha tha, hum aksar mazakh karte aur us mazakh main hum larka ya larki ki tamiz nahi karte, Allan bhi aksar asian larkon ki bht tareef karta tha. Mgr main ess say ziada ki himat nahi kar paa raha tha.

Esi doran Allan nai kaha k who next term k end par 10-15 din k liye apni mom say milne jae gaa, mere qadmon k neche say zamin nikal gae, mainnai pata nahi kiun iss baat par Allan say bht ghagra kia, mujh ko tension hone lagi thi k ess k bagher mera kia hoga, meri tu kisi say etni dosti bhi nahi thi k us k sath kahi bahar ja sakon ya ….

Allan bhi meri halat samjh raha tha mgr kia karta us ka jana bhi zaroori tha, etifaq ki bat hai k Karachi say ami ny bataya k meri brhn jis ki shadi hoi thi woho Canada ja rahi hai next month. Yeah tub ht khushi ki baat thi main nai Karachi phone kar k sari details li aur sis ko mubarakbad di. Sath yeah bhi pata chala k abbu ki tabyat bhi abh kuch thik nahi hai. Jab say main yahan aya ta abbu ki jst once cal aye thi us k baad na hi unhon nai phone kia na hi main nain un ko koi cal kari. Mera dil abbu say bat karne ko bht chah raha tha mgr khud say call karne ki himat nahi kar paa raha tha. main nai raat hi ko abbu say bat karne ka faisla kia. 
Raat ko jab abbu k number par call kari tu numbr off tha, pata nahi kiun mujh ko bht ghabrahat ho rahi thi. main nai ammi ko phone kia tu ami call rec nahi kar rahi thi.
majboran apne cosin ko call karna pari tu uss ne phone uthaya, jese hi uss ne phone uthaya tu kisi na kaha k meri cal hai tu line kat du abhi foran. yeah alfaz meri bari ammi k thy, mgr unhon nai esa kiun kaha hoga? kia chal raha hai karachi main? main nai bar bar ammi ko call kari mgr koi mera phone nahi utha raha tha. main nai Asif aur Atif ko call kari aur un say reqest kari k mere gher ja kar dekhe k akhir ami meri call kiun nahi utha rahi hain. Asif nai foran hi mere gher jane ka kaha main yahan Allan k sath heran pareshan betha tha Allan mujh ko tasali de raha tha mgr meri ghabrahat barhti jaa rahi thi. 2 ghante baad mujh ko ammi ki call aye ess time raat k 1-30am (london tym) ho raha tha. Ammi ki awaz un ka sath nahi dy rhi thi bus etna hi kaha k Abbu ka saya hum par nahi raha. main nai kaha Kiaaaa? na mujh main kuch pochne ki himat rahi na hi ami k phone say koi awaz arahi thi. Asif ne mujh ko phone kia tu Allan ne bat kari, Allan k liye shayad yea sabh bilkul naya tha esi liye woh bhi heran betha howa tha k kia kare, thoda dair main main nai fir call kari aur ami say kaha k main araha hon. Ammi ne mujh ko mana kar dia k main nai aon, apni parhai darmiyan main choor kar aur ese ana mere liye acha nhi hoga jo hona tha woh ho gaya, abh anai ka koi faida nahi wese bhi meri bari ammi aur dada k gher wale janaza subh hi utha rahe hain, mere anai ka koi intizar nahi kar sakta.
main nai tafsil pochna chahi tu bus etna bataya k heart fail howa hai. main khud ko sambhalne ki pori koshish kar raha tha, Mujh ko apne father say bht shikayat thi, sri umr un ko ji bhr k nahi dekh saka tha kabhi un ki job ki majbori aur kabhi bari ami ki majbori, main tu bus etna chahta tha k aik din apne father k sath akela bethon aur un say bht laron, un k gale lag kar rou, un k sath khelon aur woh din meri zindagi ka yadgar din ban jae. mgr yeah sab tu ulta hi ho gaya tha. ensan sochta kuch hai aur hota kuch hai. ess tym mere cosin ki call aye aur kaha k tum online rehna main janaze ki fotages tum ko fb and orkut par share karta rahon gaa. subh Wednesday tha yani working day. uni bhi jana tha mgr main nai Allan ko mana kar dia "aaj tu mere dad ka janaza hai, aaj nahi ja sakta. naha dho kar aik taraf baith gaya, porani yadain ati rahi aur anso girte rahe, hosh jabh aya jabh Allan cheekh k bola hey Looks here's ur fther funeral." mere cosin nai wade k mutabiq sirf fotage hi share nahi kari thi balke pata nahi kia kar k har 5 minute baad ki vids share kar raha tha, msn par online bhi tha aur apne phone say vids bana raha tha. yahan beth kar  janaza dekh hi sakta tha. jabh mere dad ki face pics aye tu mere moun say chekhen nikalne lagi, Allan mujh ko sambhalne ki pori koshish kar raha tha, mgr abh mujh say bardasht nahi ho raha tha main phoot phoot k ro para. esa roya k shayad hi pehle kabhi roya hon, Allan kabhi mujh ko gale lagata kabhi mera hath pakarta kabhi mere mathe ko chomta sath sath woh karachi phone par rabita bhi kar raha tha, uss ne ami say bat karne ki koshish kari mgr ammi ko english bilkul nahi ati thi. uss ny phone meri tarf barhaya tu ami bhi wahan ru rahi thi aur meri awaz sun kar bht pareshan ho gai, Ammi bht himat say kam lete howe mujh ko sabr ki talqeen kar rahi thi, phir cosin say bat hoi, sabh hi mujh ko sabr ki talqin kar rahe thy mgr mere andar aik lawa ubl raha tha jo thanda hone ka nam nahi le raha tha. Mere cosin nai har mouqe ki pic share kar raha tha, jabh dad ko qabr main utara gaya, akhri dafa un ka chehra dikhaya gaya, phir chehra band kia gaya, phir pehli sleep rakhi gai, phir dosri, phir akhri, phir matti dalne ka amal, yeah sabh mere liye bht mushkil tha. main kitna badnsib ensan hon k bachpan say abh tak yehi khwahish karta raha k mere dad mujh ko aik dafa apne gale say lagain, mujh ko apni goud main uthain na hi woh moka laga na hi mujh bad nasib ko apne dad k janaze ko kandha dene ka un ko qabr main utarne ka mouka laga. na hi aik muthi matti dalne ka mouka mila. yeah kesa emtihan hai, kiun main hamesha aik band gali main akar khara ho jata hon. kiun mere sath hi esa hta hai k sabh kuch main khud hi sambhalon. Dad k janaze k baad Pakistan main zhr ka time hoga aur yahan din ka. main uni nahi gaya Allan bhi nahi gaya. Allan mere liye softdrink le aya tha mgr halaq say kuch nahi utr raha tha k karachi say aik aur call agai. jis main meri sis ne kaha k bhai aap khud ko sambhalo yahan sabh thik hai. main abbu k soyam k baad canada ja rahi hon. ammi ko bhi sath le ja rahi hon ye bat aap ko (mujh ko es liye nahi batai k main pareshan honga) aur ammi ki edat wahi canada main hogi. mai n kia kehta mujh ko tu kuch smajh hi nahi araha tha. kia howa? kese howa? kia hoga? bus dil chah raha tha k ankhain band karon aur Pakistan chala jaon aur ......
Yehi woh din thy jahan meri zindagi aur main khud bilkul badal gaya, Allan nai 3 din mera ese khayal rakha k jese main koi bhatka howa bacha hon mujh ko zabardasti khilata, mujh ko bahar le k jata, mere sath batain karta, yahan tak k uss ne apne canada jane ka plan tak badl diya. uss ne apne kuch aur doston ko bhi bolana shuru kar diya jo mere sath batain karte mgr main pata nahi kiun chup ho gaya tha, apni majboori pe rona ata tha ALLAH ko tu bhol hi gaya tha. Phir Allan khud hi bola k mujh ko namaz parhna chahiye, aaj abbu ka soyam tha. mere cosin mujh say rabita main thy, gher say net par online ho kar yahan allan k laptop par main online howa, jab webcam start howa tu ammi ni mujh ko dekh kar rona shuru kar dia Allan mere sath hi betha howa tha ammi nay apni urdu main Allan say kaha k mera khayal rakhe main gayab dimagh sab dekh raha tha aur sun raha tha. Majboran ammi ko kehna para k agr main ana chahta hon tu ajaon, Allan ne bhi meri ammi aur cosin ko yehi samjhane ki koshish kari k mujh ko Pakistan ja kar ana chahiye, mgr mere pass etne pese kaha thy, k tickt leta jata aur ata, yahan study, aik dam main nai khud ko sambhalna shuru kia apne anso poche washroom say moun hath dho kar phir laptop k agai betha ami ko dilasa diya aur msn live par soyam main shirkat kari. Allan ko bhi meri halat say thora tasali hoi mgr Allan anadr hi andar koi faisla kar chuka tha. jabh soyam khatam howa tu sabh log qabrustan chale gai main Allan k sath bahar aya tu Allan nai kaha k hum dono hi ek hafte main Paksitan ja rahe hain aur jst within a week wapis ajain gy, main nai pocha k kese hoga manage Allan na kaha k main khud dekho gaa tum pareshan na homere pass iss tym tak 500 pounds jama thy main nai woh Allan ko diye, Allan nai next day uni ja kar dean ko sari sorat haal batai dean nai bht cooperate kia aur pata nahi kis tarhan Allan aur mere tickt bhi confrm ho gae aur hum pakistan jane ki tayari karne lage. Allan nai mujh ko mana kar diya tha k main Pakistan main kisi ko na bataon k hum log arahe hain. meri had tak tu thik tha mgr Allan ko apne ghr main kese adjust karon gaa? mera gher tu bht chota hai aur Allan ko tu saholat k sath rehne ki adat hai main nai aik dafa phir Allan ko sari situation say agah kia, Allan nai kaha k tumhara ghr jesa bhi hai main manage kar lon gaa, insan ko har mahool main rehne ki adat honi chahiye. main bht khush bhi tha tu afsurda bhi k kash main apne dad k janaze par chala jata mgr qismat ko jo manzoor.
aur woh din aa hi gaya k jab humari pak k liye flight thi, subh ammi ki call aye humari (london tym k hisab say 4pn ki flight thi) ami ne pocha k kia ho raha thai main nai kaha k uni ja raha hon aur abh khud ko sambhal raha hon main nai apna phone bech diya hai 2-3 din main naya le kar call karon ga. ami ny pocha bhi k kiun mgr main ni kuch nahi bola, koi shoping nahi bus 2 jode kapron k rakhe aur airport k liye nikal para, Airport puhanche tu meri class k taqriban sare hi mate airport par thy, mere class incharge Mr Robrt aur dept dean bhi wahan tha main hera tha k yeah log yahan kese, mgr sabh nai mujh ko himat dilai aur mujh ko dean nai bataya k humare jane ka entizam college k student social funds say kia gaya hai aur sari class nai pese jama kiye tu main phir ro para sabh ko bar bar thnx keh raha tha mgr sabh hi khush thy k main ghr ja raha hon. Goron (angrezon) ko lakh bura keh lo mgr ensaniyat bht hai, bager kisi lihaz k ese mushkil waqt meri madad kari thi k main soch bhi nahi sakta tha. esi waqt mujh ko jahaz main mili anuty aur sare contct yad aye k main un say bhi help le sakta tha, mgr ALLAH ka shukr ada kia k kisi k agai hath nahi phelane pare aur Mujh ko Allan ki shakal main aik farishta mila jo har lamha mere sath tha. hum log boarding kar k waiting area main agai flight main kuch hi waqt tha k Allan ka phona baja line par ami thi. Allan nai meri bat karai tu ami ne phir pocha tum kaha ho, main nai kaha uni main hon, ami ny mujh ko sabr ki talqin kari aur kaha k himat say kaam lon pata nahi kiun mera (ami ka) dil bht ghabra raha hai. flight ka elan howa aur hum on board chale gai. yeah flight via Qatar Karachi ja rahi thi. aur hum ko aglai 14 hours main karachi hona tha. main dil hi dil main bht khush tha k jabh sabh mujh ko apne darmiyan dekhe gay tu kitna khush  honge aur main apne dad ki qabr par ja kar un say maafi tu mang sakon gaa. . . . .

Me in London. (Meeting with Allan)

Jese hi main hawai jahaz main dakhil howa mere mobile per mere cosin ki call aye, woh kisi masrofiyat ki wajha say mujh say nahi mil saka tha, mgr abh uss ki call arahi thi, main jaldi jaldi apni seat par betha aur uss ki call ko recive kia, us ne shikwa kia k main mila tak nahi tu main nai kaha k yar flight ka apna time hota hai, woh bechara bhaga bhaga airport tak aya tha mgr uss waqt tak main boarding kar chuka tha. . . uss say kuch batain kar ke mobile band kar dia kiun k bar bar elan ho raha tha k mobile band karo, laptop off karo aur seat belt band lo, main nai wohi kia jesa kaha ja raha tha. mujh ko tu yeh bhi nahi pata tha k main kitna dair main London puhanchon gaa, aur wahan utr kar karna kia hai, bus birtish consil say jo letter mila tha us main likha tha k airport par mujh ko lene hostel ka koi banda aye gaa.
Gher ki yadain, office ke batain aur nai zindagi ki talash parhne ki lagan sabh kuch soch kar himat de raha tha khud ko, essi lamhe jahaz nai take-off karne ka elan kia, mera pehla safr tha bht excited aur bht dara howa, main nai apne dono hathon say seat ko pakar lia aur apni ankhain band kar k ayatal kursi parhne laga "hum jese musalmanon ko ALLAH sirf ese hi mushkil moqe par yad ata hai. ALLAH maaf kare."
Thoda dair main jahaz urh chuka tu jan main jan aye, meri seat window ki nahi thi mgr main bar bar window main dekhne ki koshish kar raha tha, mere brabr wali seat par aik borhi khatoon bethi thi mere ko dekh kar khud hi kehne lagi k "beta tum ess seat par ajao main tumhari seat par ajati hon, main ne un ka bht shukriya ada kia aur mana karne ki koshish kari mgr woh samjh chuki thi k main excited hon esi liye khud hi khari ho gai aur hum nai seat exchange kar li. Jahaz iss wqt samandr k oper tha. aur main khriki say neche dekhne ki koshish kar raha tha. phir un aunty ne mera interview liya tu main nai sab hi sach sach bata dia, woh bhi apne bete k pass U.K ja rahi thi. unhon nai bht shafqat say mere sar par hath phera aur mujh ko himat di. thoda diar main main khud hi su gaya kiun k pichle kuch dinon say thik sy soya tak nahi tha. raste main bht acha khana diya gaya aur bhi achezen serve kari gai. aik bht lambi flight k baad elan howa k hum Heathrow  airport par utarne wale hain, sabh apni tayari karne lage, aur main aik dafa fir say khoof main k abh yahan kia hoga, anajana mulk hai, na koi jan pehchan kese karon ga manage, sab say ziada khoof mujh ko apni english kamzoor hone par tha k kese airport pe deal karon gaa. phir andar say awaz aye, "Uth Bandh Kamar Kia Darta Hai -  Phir Dekh KHUDDA kia karta hai." aur essi awaz nai mujh ko himat di. jo anty brabar wali seat par thi unhon nai kaha k beta agr koi pareshani hoi tu main yahan london main hi hon mera beta tumhari pori help kare ga. aur main tumhare hostel jane tak tumhare sath hon, mujh ko aur himat hoi, main nai KHUDDA ka bht shukr ada kia. jahaz nai landing kari. hum log bahar nikle, apna saman uthaya, immigeration counter par aye, aunty mere sath sath hi thi, angrez aur un ki angrezi meri samjh say bahar thi bari mushkil say hi kuch samjh paa raha tha. aunty ne har marhale par meri help kari. hum log saman le kar bahar nikle tu. aunty ka beta samne hi khara tha aur aik aingrez uncle mere naam ki takhti le kar khare howe thy takhti par mera naam, Cambridge University, Karachi Pakistan likha howa tha 2-3 dafa parh kar main un k paas gaya uhnhon ne mera passport dekha mujh say hath milaya aur aunty k bete ne un say kuch kaha phir anty ne mere sar par hath phera, un k bete ne mujh ko apna visiting card dia k koi problem ho mujh say rabita karna. main nay un sab ka thanks kaha aur hostel wale angrez uncle k sath aik cab main beth kar apni nai manzil ki taraf nikal para. main raste main london ki sarkon ko dekh raha tha road par gariyan chal rahi thi mgr bht hi qanoon k hisab say, log foot path par thy, har tarf asool pasandi nazr arahi thi, safai esi k soch bhi nahi sakta tha. sabh kuch jese aik khwab lag raha tha. thoda hi dair main Cambridg ka hostel agaya. cab andar dakhil hoi, entrence par kuch log khare howe thy. Mujh ko bilkul andaza nahi tha k yeah log mere liye khare howe hain. Main nai 100% scholarship k liye qualify kia tha. jo bht kam log karte hain. esi lye mere hostel k sare hi log wahan mojood thy, main bahar nikla tu mere sath mujood sahib ne un sab say mera inro karaya, sab ne mujh ko mubarakbad di, hath milaya aik ne mera saman pakra aur mujh ko mere room ki taraf le jane lae, raste main meri mulaqat mere room mate say karai gai jo mujh ko lene hi araha tha, uss ka naam "ALLAN" tha, aur woh bhi Canada say yahan parhne aya tha. uss ne bht hi khalos k sath mujh say hath milaya mera hal chal pocha aur hum apne room main agai, room kia tha aik choota hall tha jis main 2 bed lage howe thy aik tarf tv tha attached bath tha, chota fridg tha, cupboeard tha, ALLAH ka guitar and violin tha study table thi aur 2 sitting charis lagi hoi thi, aik chota carpet bhi tha, (Agr moqa laga aur munasib howa tu uss room ki pics bhi zaroor share karon gaa). main heran k mujh jese ghareeb ensan ko jo karachi say apni jaib main sirf 5000 pakistani rakh kar yahan aya hai etni achi saholat mile ge, (meri ankhon main ansoo agai aur main nai dil hi dil main ALLAH ka shukr ada kia). sabh log aik aik kar k ruksat ho gai, abh room main mai aur Allan hi reh gae thy. Allan nai eshara kia aur ka "Do you wanna get fresh?" main nai kaha oh yes yes, wo muskura diya mera jawab khalis pakistani english style main tha. uss ne mujh ko washroom dikahaya main nai apne bag say soap waghera nikala tu Allan nai kaha k everything is in washroom, main khisyaa kar washrom main gaya aur jaldi main apne kapre lejana bhool gaya. main nai aik lamba shower lia, towel lapeta abh samjh nahi araha tha k esi halat main bahar niklon ya Allan say help lon, pehli hi mulaqat main yeah sabh kuch acha nahi lag raha tha. Majbooran main nai washroom ka darwaza khoola aur Allan ko kuch es tarhan kahan "Oh Allan, please take a side I wanna come in the room to change my clothes." ye tha mera pehla mukamil angrezi jumla jo main nai London puhanchne k baad abh tak kaha tha. Allan ko pata nahi kia howa bht zoor zoor say hansne laga. phir kaha, "Come on buddy, nobody is here, u can change your clothes I am not gonna do anything at this moment." phir woh uth kar room say bahar chala gaya. main jaldi jaldi room main aya apne kapre uthaye aur washroom main ja kar change kia.
Pehli mulaqat main hi sabh gar bar ho raha tha. main nai khud ko nrml rakhne ki koshish kari gehri gehri sansain li aur washroom say bahar aya, Aaj yahan friday tha aur din k 3:30 ka tym tha. main wapis room main akar apni chezain samtne laga. achanak khayal aya k mujh ko london puhanch kar 3-4 ghante ho gai hain mgr gher walon ko phone tak nahi kia, mere pass sirf 25 punds (UK ki currence) thi, socha kisi public both say gher phone kar don gaa. jabh yahan ki sim lon ga tu bad main ussi say bat kar lia karon gaa. thoda dair main Allan wapis aya tu uss k hath main aik shoper tha. main nai tu Light house say jeans ki 2 paints li thi aur 2 tee's li thi un main say aik pehn li thi aur saaf lag raha tha k mangi hoi cheez pehn rakhi hai.
Allan nai aik dafa phir mujh ko Hi kaha aur shoper say aik energy drink nikal kar mujh ko dia, main nai bht mana kia (dil hi dil main soch raha tha k kahin ye halki phulki sharab hi na ho) mgr Allan nahi mana aur kaha k aik dost ki tarf say pehli treat aur welcome drink hai, main nai majbooran chote chote ghont le kar peena shuru kia, phir Allan samne baith gaya kuch dair khamosh rehne k baad utha aur apna laptop nikala, phir mujh say batain shuru kardi, main nai tooti phooti english main uss ka sath dene ki koshish kari us ne meri halat samjh li thi esi liye bht sambhal sambhal kar english bol raha tha. us ne mujh ko bataya k yahan weekend shuru ho chuka hai, aur Monday say Uni start hogi jahan mera fisrt term ya semister already start ho chuka hai aur main 2 weeks ki classes miss kar chuka hon, mujh ko sath sath english improve karne k liye one years english language foundation course bhi karna tha. yani aik din main main taqreeban 6-8 hours ka study plan diya gaya tha mujh ko. main nai himat kar k Allan say kaha k mujh ko Pakistan apne gher walon ko inform karna hai agr hum kahin bahar ja kar public both say phone kar sake, Allan tu foran hi khara ho gaya, aur kaha Come on buddy what r u waiting for? main bhi ready ho gaya, Oh yeah kia mere pass tu shoes bhi dhang k nahi thy, Allan nai kuch kahe bagher hi wardrob say apne shoes nikal kar diye mere mana karne par us ne bura moun banaya aur main nai halat ko dekhte howe uss k jote pehen liye jo mujh ko thora bare thy mgr set thy. hum dono apne room say bahar nikle tu Allan nai apna mobile mujh ko diya k main apne gher txt kar don k main puhanch gaya hon thoda dair main call karta hon. main nai us k mobile say apni ami aur sis k number par message kia. msg ka jawab kia ana tha ammi ka phone foran agaya, main nai Allan ka thanks kar k phone lia aur bat kari, Pak-UK call bht expensive thi mgr ammi nai 500 ka balance already load kar rakha tha mera hal chal pocha thoda roi mujh ko kuch hidayat di aur behn say bat hoi aur mujh ko aur pakistan main gher walon ko thoda sakon howa main nai kaha k aaj raat ya kal raat phir phone karon gaa. mgr aap log ess numbe par (Allan k number par na karna). Allan bhi halka halka muskura raha tha. hum log batain karte karte hostel say bahar agai. Allan nai mujh ko London k tariqe, qanoon, qaghera k bare main batana shuru kia, aur kaha k iss weekend par main tum ko thoda city dikhaon gaa, aur hum aik dosre ko samjhne ki koshish karain gai, akhir 4 saal aik sath jo rehna hai.
Allan bht kind, humble, caring nature ka larka hai, mera hum umr hi hai, aik dam gora chita. masoom si soort, uss ki baton say pata chala k uss ki mom divorce le chuki hai aur 2nd husband k sath Denmark main hai uss ka baap kabhi kabhar us ko phone karta hai, Allan 50% scholarship par U.K parhne aya hai. main nai bhi apne bare main thoda bht bataya. main us ko samjhne aur woh mujh ko samjhne ki koshish main tha, us nai sabh say pehle mujh ko london ka mashoor Hide park dikhaya, Help and resuce services k bare main bataya, medication k liye kia karna chahiye ye bataya, subway bataya. aur hum in 2 dinon main bht achi tarhan ghul mil gai, etna k mujh ko Allan ki sorat main aik bht acha dost aur sathi mil gaya jo qadm qadm par meri rehnumai karta, sunday ki sham main hostel main logon ki amad shuru ho gai, kuch log jo out of city chale gai thy week end k liye woh wapis arahe thy, Allan nai bataya k monday morning kabh uthna hai, kis tym mess par jana hai aur kis tym class lene. aur mere pehla din bht hangame wala hoga, har koi mujh ko janna chahe gaa, kuch log masti karain gay, kuch log awazain kase gai aur mujh ko kese behave karna hai. main thoda dara sehma tha mgr Allan nai kaha k main fikr na karon woh har qadm mere sath hoga. main apne first day ki tayari karte howe aur sochte howe apne bed par let gaya. humare room main koi fan nahi tha cetnry Ac system and heating system tha. Allan apne laptop par apne doston say chit chat main masroof tha k meri ankh lag gai, subh 6 baje hi meri ankh khul gai, main nai shower lia jaldi jaldi namaz parhi aur ALLAH say madad mangi. Main jabh say UK aya tha pori koshish kar raha tha k Koi bhi namaz na choron aur Allan ko bhi iss say koi pareshani nahi thi, kal Yani guzri sunday ko Allan mujh ko apne sath Church le gaya tha jahan us ne service main shirkat kari aur main nai ehtraman khud ki nigahon ko zamin ki tarf rakha Allan mujh say bht khush tha aur main Allan say.
Thoda dair main Allan bhi uth gaya, woh bhi fresh howa, hum logon nai kapre waghera change kiye, Allan ne hi mujh ko apni grey paint di hum dono ki waist main sirf 1 inches ka farkh tha meri 29 aur Allan ki 30, phir apne sath lai hoi shirt pehni Allan nai meri Tie bandhi aur hum dono ready ho kar aik hath main note book jaib main pen rakh kar hostel k sath hi campus main jane k liye nikle, main bht khush tha, dil hi dil main ALLAH ka shukr ada kar raha tha, k isi tym Allan ka mobile baja call pak say thi Allan nai muskura kar phone mujh ko diya line apr ammi thi aur mujh ko dua de rahi thi k aaj mera pehla din hai aur main bht mehnat say parhon. main nai ami ko tasali di ami nai Allan ko bhi dua di aur 2 mint ki bat k baad main nai line kaat di, raste main har koi mujh ko ese dekh raha tha jese main koi khalai makhloq hon.  koi hath hila raha tha koi ankh mar raha tha koi kuch keh raha tha mgr Allan nai yehi kaha tha k kahin rukna nahi hai sedha campus hi jana hai. main nigahain nechi kar k chala ja raha tha. jese hi hum campus main enter howe kuch larkon nai hum ko roka, mgr Allan nai sambhal lia aur thodi si behs k baad hum log apne campus main enter ho hi gai, loby main jaga jaga notice board lage howe thy, aik notice board par meri tasvir lagi hoi thi jis ko dekh kar main nai Allan ko kaha k rukna let c whts dis. meri pic k sath jo k karachi ki thi uss ka size bara kar k lagaya gaya tha aur neche likha gaya tha k mera shumar un kuch logon main hota hai jinhon nai 100%scholarship li hai aur iss sal un 10 asian's main say hon jin ko ye ezaz mila hai meri ankhon main phir anso agai main nai ALLAH ka shukr ada kia k jis ne mujh ko etni ezat di. thoda dair main aik ghanti baji aur Allan mera hath khenchta howa mujh ko meri class ki tarf le jane laga. hum log aik bench par baith gaye, class kia thi aik tarhan ka opera hall tha bari bari benches, bara say board side main laptop books dice mic meri qismat. aik bht acha study mahool tha, jaldi jaldi baqi log bhi ane lage hum log 2nd row main thy jo ata meri taraf dekhta aur muskura kar ya hath hila kar hi kehta aur apni jaga beth jata. thoda dair main aik profesor aye sath hi Dean bhi aye, unhon nai mera naam liye main khara ho gaya, jis par woh muskurae, mujh ko apni taraf bulaya main front par gaya mujh say hath milaya aur mujh ko mera intro dene k liye kaha, Allan ne mujh ko in sabh ki bht practice karai thi. main nai bht ahista ahista aur limited intro diya sabh nai clapping kari phir mujh ko meri jagaha jane k liye kaha gaya. lecutre shuru howa aik class end hoi sachi bat hai meri samjh main kuch nahi aya tha, ye pehli class Sociology ki thi. mgr kuch samjh nahi aya tha main bht confiuse tha. Allan ne meri halat samjh li thi us ne kaha k aaj say mujh ko english ka foundation course bhi shuru karna hai aur woh mujh ko english sikhane main madad kare ga baqi notes waghera hum share kar lain gy. ALLAH nai meri har jaga madad kari. jahaz main woh anty aur yahan ALLAN. . . 
essi tarhan humare din rat guzarte gae, eik hafte baad ami say bat hoi tu ami nai pocha k kaam ka kuch howa, Oh, ess bare main tu kuch socha hi nahi tha, mere visa par 2 hours ki work permission thi main nai ami ko tasali di k next week say start ho jae gaa. Main nai Allan sy discuse kia tu Allan ne usi tym mujh ko kaha k get ready, we're going for work. hum dono hostel ki mess par aye wahan jakar aik form fil kia manager ko diya uss ne mujh ko 4 cards diye aik mera medical card tha, dosra buss pass, tesra student card aur chotha job placement card, Allan nai usi tym mujh ko kaha k hum social worker office ja rahe hain, hum log 20 mint baad social worker office the yahan main nai apna job placement card dikahaya aik chota sa interview howa jis main pocha gaya k main kia kaam kar sakta hon. phir mujh ko aik letter diya gaya jis k mutabiq mujh ko hidepark main roses sell karne ki permission di gai thi. main chonka k yeh kam kese karon gaa mgr sath hi Allan nai bhi esi kam k liye kaha tu hum dono ko hi same place par permission di gai, Allan iss say pehle aik bar main 2 hours job kar raha tha. mgr abh hum dono hi. mujh ko tu kuch pata hi nahi tha k karna kia hai, Karachi main dekha tha k larke signals par parks k bahar khare ho kar awaz laga k phool bechte hain mgr main yahan kese karon gaa. enhi khayalat main hum wapis hostel agai aik nai tension thi phir wohi howa hum shaam main sabh kamon say farigh ho kar hide park gai Allan aik flower shop par gaya jahan hum dono k 50 pnds jama karane par hum ko kuch roses aur other flowers mil gai hum dono unn flowers ko le kar hide park agai aur aik taraf khare ho gai, hum ko kuch nahi karna tha bus aik jaga khara hona tha. jin ko kuch lena hota woh khud atai aur le kar pese de kar chale jate, Allan nai mujh ko rates bata diye thy barganing ki koi gunjaish nahi thi. mere liye yeah kam koi mushkil nahi tha. aur first day hi humare sare flower bik gae hum nai rose shop main ja kar pana hisab kita kia aur meri first day ki amadni 15 pounds hoi thi. main nai ALLAH ka shukr ada kia aur socha k agr ese ho hota raha tu har week pakistan pese bheje ja sakte hain. agr roz k 10 pund bhi jama karon tu weekend tak 60-70 punds jama kar k pakistan bhej sakta hon. aur howa bhi yehi aik hafte baad main nai ami ko phone kar k bataya k 50 pounds bhej raha hon ami bht khush hoin mujh say pocha k kia kam kar rahe ho tu main nai jhoot kaha k aikl coffe shop main hon. 
esi tarhan aik month fir dosra month guzra, masrofiyat nai kuch aur sochne ka moukha tak na diya, 3rd month main nai mobile aur sim bhi le li abh gher walon say rabita asan tha, aur usi month mujh ko Asif, Bilal atif aur mere office k boss k phone agai sabh ne mujh say mera haal pocha mujh ko dua di aur kaha k sabh hi mujh ko miss kar rahe hain. Allan mere liye aik farishta tha, har week end mujh ko ghumane le jata, study main meri help karta aur main us ko rudu sikhane main laga howa tha. 4th month humare semister hone thy hum log ji jan say tayari main lage howe thy Allan ka kehna tha k hum ko kuch dinon k liye kam rok dena chahiye hum ko study par tawajha deni chahiye mgr main esa nahi chahta tha aik hafta ya aik month kam rokne ka maqsad tha k karachi main ami mushkil main ajati. bari mushkil say tu yeh roz wala kam jama tha. Allan nai kaha k woh study kare ga agr main chahon tu kam kar sakta hon. main nai kaha k main kam karon gaa baqi tym study. phir bhi Allan roz mere sath jata park main baith kar parta ya apne laptop par laga rehta aur main apne kam par jab mere kaam ka tym pora ho jata tu hum sath hi wapis ajate. . . 
 

Page - 5 of my dairy

Dear Friends,
Assalam O Alikum,

Janta hon kahani (Dairy) k kuch pages likh kar gayab hona koi achi baat nahi, mgr kia karon, aik tu meri job oper say meri tabyat. Main apni tabyat ka zikr kar k kisi bhi qism ki hamdardi hasil nahi karna chahta, bus etna bata dena chahta hon k aaj kal mera Chemotherapy chal rahi hai kal (June 2nd 2012) ko mera 3rd session tha, aur jo log medical science say wabista hain ya jante hain woh achi tarhan samjh sakte hain ke "Chemo" aik bht painful marhala hota hai. Main apni pori himat jama kar ke ess marhale say guzr raha hon. Aur umid karta hon ke jo bhi reh gaya hai uss say bhi guzr niklon ga.

Kal ka din tu wese hi ajib tha hosh tu tha mgr na hone k brabar. Kher, jo hona tha howa, abh bht behtr hon and hota hi ja raha hon. mgr kia karon meri yadon ke saye mujh ko jene nahi de rahe hain. subh say ankhon main ansoo bhar bhar arahe hain, wajha kia hai yehi janne ki koshish main net tak agaya hon, yeah bhi janta hon k ziada dair tak bethne mere liye sahi nahi mgr kia

karon khud ko tnha tanha mehsoos karon tu kahan jaon. Koi tu esa ho jo mera gham guzar ho, meri mushkil ko samjhe, aur ....

Kher, agai shuru karta hon jahan say silsila toota tha wahi say ...

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Office ki party say farigh howa tu sabh nai hi kuch tuhfe diye mgr jo duain mujh ko mili shayad aaj main apni tajurbati zindagi main kamyab hon. Main bojhal dil k sath wapis apne gher aya aur jane ki tayari karne laga. meri zindagi main hamesha kuch na kuch hal chal hi rahi hai. kabhi meri zaat k hawale say kabhi dosron k hawale say, main shuru say hi khud ko social rakhne ki koshish karta hon dosron ki maddad karna meri zindagi ka ehm hisa hai. main agr kisi ensan ko taklif main dekhon tu raha nahi jata khud ka gham, dukh aur taklif bhool bhaal kar dosron k sath lag jata hon jis ka alag hi maza hota hai. kuch din aman aur shanti k satyh guzr gae, mgr baad main fir say halchal. . abhi tak ami aur gher wale mere jane say bht khush thy mgr andar hi andar koi na koi khichri pak rahi thi, Middle class area main rehne ka aik hi nuqsan hota hai k loog apni apni kehte hain aur mere gher walon ko bhi shayad muhalle ki kuch aurton nai bharka diya tha woh aik dam say hi mere U.K jane ki mukhalif ho gae thi, yaham ere tickt tayar  thy, main khud bhi excited tha aur jane main sirf 2 din he reh gaye thy k ami nai kaha k koi zaroorat nahi jane ki jo karna hai yahan karoo. Main nai ammi ko bht samjhaya manaya mgr woh nahi mani, majbooran mujh ko ami k sath thoda sakht lehje main baat karna pari, aur main nai kaha k main ja raha hon chahe kuch bhi ho jae, main wahan ja kar apni zimeh dari pori karon gaa iss k liye bht qasmain khai aur wade kiye, jane wale din ami tayar ho gai, sabh hi ru rahe thy k jese main jang larne jaa raha hon, main jahan excited tha wahi bht ziada sehma howa tha, U.K jana ki khushi thi tu wahan ja kar khud ko adjust karne ki bhi pareshani. 
main raat ki flight say ja raha tha k Woh agaya jis ko nahi ana chahiye tha uss k sath Atif bhi tha main pata nahi kiun jaal bhun k reh gaya, main main nai saaf saaf Asif ko kaha k yar tum ko nahi ana chahiye tha jabh hum decide kar shuke thy k hum abh nahi mile gay, tu uss nay kaha k main bhi out of country ja raha hon akhri mulaqat hai sare gille shikwe door karo aur main Atif k sath khush hon tum bhi apne liye koi acha larka dhoondh lo tu tum ko asani rahe gi. main nai aik pheki hansi k sath thanks kaha. ami log nay mere saman main jane kia kia rakh diya tha. hum loog aik texi aur Asif ki gari main airport rawana howe. Karachi main jahan jahan say guzrta ajib hasrat say dekh raha tha sara rasta ami mujh ko nasihatain kar rahi thi sath sath roti jaa rahi thi. main un ko tasali dene ki nakam koshish kar raha tha mgr kamyab nahi ho raha tha. Aur airport agaya, flight main 4 hours thy mgr boarding announce ho chuki thi. International departure launge main sabh ko alvida kaha aur main apne ansoon pe qabo nahi rakh saka bht himat say kaam le raha tha, 4-year study plan tha kese rahon gaa 4 saal gher k bagher, yahan kia hoga sari fikrain bar bar mere dimagh main ati jaa rahi thi. akhri kar himat kar k ammi ko salam kia un k qadmon ko choowa, gale laga ami k ansoo ponche aur sabh say mila, Asif mujh ko aik taraf le gaya abh ki dafa uss ki ankhon main bhi ansoo thy, mujh ko herat hoi ess ko kia howa hai? yeah tu life ko just enjoy karta hai. uss nai kaha "mujh say jo bhi howa woh sabh meri majboori tha, mgr main nai tum ko apna samjha tha, mgr kia karon? tum bin reh nahi sakta tha esi liye kisi aur ko apnana para, mgr tum (mujh) say dil laga liya tha. ho sake tu mujh (uss) ko maaf kardon, main nai uss k dono hath apne hathon main liye uss k mathe ko chooma, aur kaha, sachi doosti kabhi bhi khatm nahi hoti, zindagi main aik na aik din zaroor milain gay." mere liye dua karna, uss nay mujh ko aik kaghaz diye jis main us k kuch doston aur family k numbr thy jo U.K main rehte thy, uss ne kaha k agr koi mushkil ho tu main uss ko phone karon uss say jo kuch bhi ban para woh kare ga."
hum loog aik dosre k gale lage aur pehli dafa mujh ko uss ko gale lagane say bht itminan mila aur esa mehsoos howa k jese main apni koi bht qimti cheez karachi choor k jaa raha hon. time ziada ho raha tha aur abh mujh ko andar jana chahiye thaa. 
main nai aik dafa fir sab ko alvida kaha aur airport main dakhil howa, mera yeah pehla safar tha bht ziada confiuse tha bahar ami log khare thy bar bar mobile par poch rahe thy kahan tak puhanche main nai jaldi jaldi apna custom karaya, immegeration proccess mukamil kia aur waiting laung main agaya wahan flight abhi announce nahi hoi thi. ami log visitor area say mujh ko dekh rahe thy aur mobile par bat kar rahe thy, asif aur atif bhi wahi n mojood thy main apni ankhain band kar k sabh ko apne bht qareeb mehsoos kar raha tha. thoda hi dair main flight announce hoi main nai aik nazr oper visitor loby main dekha aur sabh ko hath hilata howa on-board jane laga. . . . . 

Page 4 from my life....

Doston, aur parhne walon, ho sakta hai ke meri iss tarhanki share ki howi batain aap ko achi na lagain ke main apna badla lene k liye ya phir intiqami jazbe ke tehet dosre logon k nam likh raha hon aur un k kahani bhi likh raha hon, mgr main aap sab ko yeah yaqin dilate honk e jin jin k naam likhta hon aur ziker karta hon who sab hi aaj mere contact main hain aur hum aik dost nahi bus tym pass ki hesiyat say aik dosre say net par chit chat kar lete hain kuch logon say rabita nahi ho saka isi liye un ka zikr tu ho sakta hai mgr naam aur shanaqt k bagher. Rahi meri shanaqt aur naam tu jese hi yeah kahan I khatm hogi akhri safhe par mera naam aur meri shanaqt zaroor hogi yeah mera khud say wada hai aur aap sab hi say mera ehd….

Main kisi na kisi tarhan Asif k khayalat say khud ko door rarkhne ko koshish kar raha tha jis k liye main nai anjae main apne cosin ka sahara lia, meri pori koshish yehi thi k mera cosin mere ehsasat ko kahi samjh n alai gr who umr main mujh say bara tha aur mujh say kahin ziada social meri feelings ko bhaanp hi gaya. Main nai apni pori tawajah apne U.K jane par rakhi hoi thi sath hi sath main koshish kar raha tha keh mere jane say mere gher par kisi qisam ki koi pareshani na ho. Kiun k mere jane k liye peson kizaroorat thi kuch pese tu jama thy mgr gher k akhrajat k liye kia karon yehi soch raha tha. Main nai apne daftr say resign kar dia, mere boss nai mujh say pocha k beta kisi bhi qisam ki koi zaroorat ho tu mujh ko batana, sath hi mujh ko kaha k last working day tum zaroor ana tumhari salary main dilwa don gaa. Main nai wada kia k main zaroor aon ga. Esi doran mere British counsil ke chakar lagte rahe, kabhivisa procces kabhi kuch kabhi kuch, phir embassy main interview k liye Islamabad jane ka howa tu main ane cosin Bilal k sath hi jane ka fesla kia, hum log ne esa plan kia tha k yahan say jis din nikle next day interview dain aur usi shaam wapis Karachi ajain. Office main bhi sab ne mujh ko bht duain di. Mgr Asif kahi nahi dikha us ko wese bhi nokri ya parhai say koi khaas dilchasppi nahi thi, bare gher ka beta tha sab kuch tu tha hi us k pass us ko bhala kisi bhibaat ki kia fiker ho sakti thi?

Esi tarhan main aur Bilal Islamabad k liye rawwana ho gai, mere pas tu bus apnne hisab say pese thy mgr Bilal nai achi khasi raqm sath rakhi hoi thi. Us ne mujh ko nahi bataya k who Islamabad k sath sath murree waghera bhi jane ka erada rakhta hai. Hum log by bus Islamabad gaye thy aur bus nai hum ko bilkul waqt par hi hum ko Faizabad k stop par utar diya tha kiun k safr ki thakan thi is liye kisi hotel jana bht zaroori tha, hum log pindi k aik hotel “Gandhara Hotel – liaqat bagh” main gai aur aik room rent par lia. Thakan tu thi mgr embassy main jane main kuch waqt tha esi liye hum log foran fresh howe aur texi kar k embassy ki taraf rawana howe, ebassy k area main texi ko jane ki ijazat nahi hai bari mushkil say passport dikha kar hum ko andar jane ki ijazat mili. Mgr Bilal ko nahi kiun k us k pas na hi call letter than a hi passport. Who kehne laga k main Abpara pe wait karta hon. Andar gaya interview howa aur 5 hours k baad wapis bahar nikla tu aik sakoon sath ha. K sab say bara marhala mukamil howa.

Hum log wapis hotel aye main nai kaa k main bht thak gaya hon aram karon ga, us neb hi yehi kaha hum khana kha kar su gaye raat ko ankh khuli aur main nai kaha k abh wapsi ka safr karte hain. Us ne kaha k 2 din aur rukte hain aur murree waghera ghom k chalet hain mgr main nai mana kar dia. Meri zid k agai who har maan gaya aur hum nay usi rat Karachi wapis ane ka faisla kia bus stand par aye tu Karachi k liye koi bus nahi thi han Lahore k liye bus ja rahi thi, hum log Lahore k liye nikal pare aur waha say Karachi jane ka faisla kia. Safr bht khamoshi say guzra bus ne hum ko 5 hours main lhr utar dia wahan say hum seedha station aye aur Karachi jane wali Shalimar express ka tickt lia aur station par hi baith gaye, us waqt Bilal nai mera interview lena shuru kia, us ka lehja aik dam badla howa tha aur batain ilkul alag thi. Us nai mujh say bht sawal kie, mere bachpan, mere doston, meri family aur mere bare main main bhi koshish kar raha tha k har sawal ka jawab tasali say don aur koshish karon k job hi ho woh mutmain ho jae. Mgr us k har sawal k peche koi na koi dusra sawal hota tha, thora dair main train platform par lag ai aur hum us main sawar ho gai, humare pass aik birth thi aur aik seat. Main aur bilal birth par baith gai aur main ne kaha k thora dair main let jata hon thora dair tum let jao. Main jese hi leta meri ankh lag gai mujh ko Bilal nai us waqt uthaaya jabh Khanewal ka station agaya tha. Aur bhook bhi lag rahi thi. Hum ne pai bhar k wahan khana khaya aur train main sawar ho gai. Abh uss k sone ki bari thi mgr who leta nahi bus betha hi raha aur hum edhr udhr ki batain karte rahe. Mgr mujh ko esa laga k jese us nai mujh main chupa howa insan pakar lia hai aur us ki nigahian mujh ko abh chubhti hoi mehsoos ho rahi thi. Main pata nahi kiun us kinighaon ka samna nahi kar paa raha tha. Bus yehi dua kar raha tha k jaldi say Karachi ajae, ese hi bethe bethe main aik risala parta raha aur who taik laga kar su gaya, ahista ahista station ate jaa rahe thy ar main apne mustaqbil ki tayari main sooch raha tha. Rohri aya tu socha k us ko utha don k kuch kha lai pata nahi gari abh kaha ruke gi us ko uthaya tu who nahi utha. Main nai ehtiyatan station say kuch stuff le lia k ar raat ko bhook lagi tu kaam aye gi. Train ka tym raat 12 pe Karachi puhanchne ka tha aur train qismat say raat 12 baje landhi station par thi k bilal utha. Us ne pocha k konsa station hai tu main nai us ko jawab dia k landhi tu who jhatke say utha ark aha yar hum log Drigroad utar jate hain, Cent say fasla bht ho jae ga. Main nai station par utarne k liye apna jo saman phela howa tha sameta aur aik dam ready ho gaya. Main nai us say poca k etni rat ko tum apne gher jaon gay ya mere sath chalo gay tu us ne kaha k who mujh ko mere gher chore gaa aur phir apne gher jae gaa. Hum Drigroad station par utre aur wahan say aik texi kar k us ne mujh ko mere gher chora aur apne gher chala gaya, ami ny us ko bht roka k etni raat ko na jao mgr us ne kaha k kal ajaon ga. Main bht thaka howa tha mustaqil safr phir aik ajib sa khoof k abh kia hoga. Fresh ho kar ami k sath beth gaya nend nahi arahi thi ami ne pocha k kia howa wahan tu ami ko bataya ami neb hi dua di. Abhu ka bhi phone agaya aur dua di.

Agli subh ankh nahi khuli, sham 4 baje jab Bilal aya tu ami ny utaa k abh sham ho chuki hai uth jao. Main utha aur uth kar fresh ho kar bilal k sath beth gaya ami e kane ka poca tu main nai jst tea ka kaha. Phir mere bos ka phone aya k kal zaroor ana hai. Main nai kaha thik hai. Phir bilal ne kaha k wahan tu paint shirt hi pehna hogi mgr mere pas ziada kapre nahi thy jo sath le jata Bilal ne kaha k mere pas kuch kapre extra hain who sath le jana mgr etni dair main ami ishara kar chuki thi k nahi kisi say aur khas kar kisi bhi rishte dar say kuch bhi nahi lena hai.

Bilal kuch rasmi batain kar k chala gaya aur main ese hi hawa khae gher say bahar nikal aya aur gher k qarib hi aik park main baith gaya. Rastem main pata nahi kiun aik cigerate le lit hi mgr jalai nahi thi. Dil aur dimagh aik ajib mushkil main tha, meri life ka yea saal bht afra tafrih le kar aya tha sabh kuch jaldi jaldi ho raha tha. Meri job, exam, sis ki shadi, Asif, Atif, abh yea Bilal. Phir mera jana, aur tayari, gher ki fiker, main nai dil hi dil main dua kari, “ALLAH mujh ko himat day, agr main ghalt hon tu mujh ko sedha rasta dikha aur sahi hon tu mujh ko kamyab kar.”

Aur edhr udhr dekh kar cigert jalae laga. Pehil dafa aik hotel par beth kar pi thi aur aaj park main beth kar pee raha tha….

Cigerte pe kar aik hotel gaya wahan achi tarhan moun saaf kia supari khai. Aik buble moun main dal aur khud ko pursakon zahir karta howa gher ki taraf ane laga. Gher main dakhil howa tu ami ka mod bht bht kharab tha. Main samjha k shayad abu say koi bat hoi ho ya kisi ne kuch kaa ho main andr gaya tu meri chooti sis nai bataya k bhai aaj aap ki kher nahi. Main nai kaha kiun kia howa? Tu us ne kuch nahi kaha kiun k ami adar agai thi. Main khud ko pursakon zahir karte howe Tv ki taraf dekhne laga. Ussi waqt ami mere samne aye aur mere moun par aik zoor ka tamacha mara… main aik dam haka baka k ami ne mere job karne k baad say mujh par hath nahi uthaya tha k main bara ho gaya hon haan batain bht sunati thi. Tu yeah tamasha kiun?

Phir khud hi boli k tere dost Asif nai aur kia kia sikhaya hai tujh ko? Mere peron k niche say zamin nikal gai, ajib ajib khayalat dimagh main nae lage, Asif aya tha kia kahin us nai ammi ko sabh kuch tu nahi bata dia waghera waghera, aur main khud hi paseene main nahane laga. Ami nai aik aur tamasha mara aur pocha k yeah cigerate kab say pee raha hai tu? Main aik dafa phir heran tha k main tu park main baith kar pee raha tha ye bat yahan tak kese agai mgr main ami k samne jhot nahi bol sakta tha main nai ami ko saaf saf keh dia k, “aj dosri dafa pii hai iss say pehle bus aik dafa jo chahe qasm le lo.” Ami ne mujh ko jo marna shuru kia tu usi waqt ruki jab who thak gai, sis aur muhale ki ain aunty bhi agai aura mi ko samjhane lagi k bacha jawan hai ese nahi marte mgr ami nahi ruki, main aik taraf khara hi tha aur ankhon main bus ansoo thy. Hazar khayal mere dil main arahe thy mgr yeah samjh nahi araha tha k yea bat batai kis nai hogi?

Jabh ami thak gait u dosre kamre main chali gai main esi room main baith gaya phir thora dair baad muhale wali aunty aye aur kaha k jao ami say maffi mango aur kaho k abh nahi peo gay. Main uta aura mi k pas gaya, main nai ami say kaha k main koi esakaam nahi karon gaa jis say aap ko taklif ho. Aur na hi kara hai. Aap ko kis nai bataya k main yea kar raha tha. Unhon nai muhale k usi larke ka nam lia jo aaj kal mera behnoi hai. Mujh ko bht ghusa aya, aur dukh bhihowa k etni giri hoi harkat? Kher dafa karo us ko, ami nai kaha k abh peye ga, main nai dil mazboot kar k kaa k ami main pori koshish karon ga k jitna bach sakta hon bachon mgr wada es liye nahi kar sakta k anai wali life main kab kia hoga mujh ko khud nahi pata. Ami nai mujh ko gale lagaya aur kaha k thik hai tum apni pori koshish karna mujh ko tum par bharosa hai.

Main nai esi tarhan rat guzari, mutlab k sochte howe k abh kis pe bharosa kia jae, kon hai esa jo mujh ko meri had tak rakhe har kisi say share na kare. Bht kam umr main gher ki zimedari sambhali, na hi bachpan samjh saka na hi jawani samjh main arahi hai. Meri khud ki bhi koi life hogi k nahi? Enhi sochon main su gaya subh 6 baje ami nai uthaya kiun k aaj mera daftr main last day tha. Main ne wohi kapre pehne jo main nai first tym office jate howe pehne thy aur tayar ho kar daftr k liyenikla. Bilkul esa lag raha tha k jesa aaj mera pehla din hai. Apne daftr main gaya tu jese sabh hi mere muntazir thy. Sabh nai bht garm jooshi say mera istaqbal kia. Mere boss khud attendance room main aye aur mujh ko gale lagaya aur emra hath pakar kar daftr main le gae, pehli dafa apne samne bitha kar mujh ko kaha, “beta aaj tak main nai tum par bht sakhti kari, tum ko bht bura bhala kaha, jis k liye main sharminda hon, mgr yea sabh tumahre liye bht zaroori tha tumhari pehli nokrithi aur tum ko bht kuch sekhna tha aur abhi bhi bht kuch seekhna hai. Meri koi aulad nahi hai main tum say kabhi kuch keh nahi saka magr aaj kehta hon k tum mere bete jese ho aur jitni mehnat say tum kaam karte ho aur apni khuddari k agai har nahi mante mujh ko tum par naaz hai. Aur apni drawz main say aik lifafa nikala aur  mujh ko dete howe kaha beta yeah 50000/= (pacha hazar hain) I know k yeah kam hain abhi etne rakho aur kabhi bhi kahin bhi zaroorat pare mujh ko pehle atana tum yahan gher ki fikr na karna jab tak tumhara waha koi mustaqil intizam nahi hojata tumhari tnakhwah jitni raqm khamoshi k sath tumhare gher puhanch jaya kare ge. Main nai herani say un ki taraf dekha aur inkar kia tu unhon nai kaha k “tum mere bete ho tu yeam mera frz hai k main bhi kuch karon, wese bhi tum nai meribht khidmat kari hai.” Main achanak hi rona shuru howa, pehli dfa mere boss jin ko main dil hi dil main Hitler kaha karta tha etne narm dil aur etne piyar karne wale aur etna khayal rakhne wale honge socha bhi na tha, who bhi pehli dafa rone lage phir unhon nai meri jaga jo naya larka ya tha peon us ko awaz lagai, who andar aya tu uss say mera intro karaya, meri ankho main us waqt tak anso thy who bhi herani say dekh raha tha k yeah ho kia raha hai, mere boss nai mera intro es tarhan shuru kia “Yeah mera beta hai, aik sal say tumhari jaga peon ki nokri karta raha hai aur aaj apni mehnat say U.K jar aha hai is say kuch sekh lo tumhare bht kaam aye gaa.”

Phir us larke ko apni gari ki chabi dete howe kaha k pichli seat par job hi rakha hai who utha kar le ao. Who key le kar chala gaya. Sir ne mujh ko U.K k mahjool wahan k atwar chal chalan k bare main bataya kuch nasihatain kari, mujh ko apne gher ka aur U.K main mojood aik aziz ka numr dia aura chi tarhan say sab kuch samjhane lage. Thoda hi dair main who larka andar aya tu us k hath main aik buht khoobsorat sa suitcase tha. Us  suitcase ko unhon nai apni table par rakha us larke ko kaha k tum bahar jao aur mujh ko uss suitcase ka code bataya aur us ko khola us ko khola tu uss main mere size ki 4 paints aur shirts thy 2 behtreen shoes thy. Aur kuch bhi tha, unhon nai kaha k yeah sab tumahre liye hai, jis din tm ne kaha tha k tum koshish kar rahe ho scholarship k liye tayari kar rahe ho mujh ko pora yaqin tha k tum zaroor jao gai. Aur usi din say mainnai tumhare jane k lie kuch tayari kari thi. Tum bilkul be fikr ho kar jana aur wahan jismaqsad k liye jrahe ho wohi karna wese bhi mujh ko pora yaqin hai k tum aik ache larke ho apne kam say kam rakho gai.”

Meri ankhon main aik dafa phir ansoo thy mgr unhon nai mujh ko gale lagaya bht dua di aur kaa k jis din tum jao gai us din main khud tumahre gher aon a aur tum ko airport chorne jaon gaa.

Phir unhon nai mujh ko dosre logon say milne ki ijazat di, staff room main mere liye aik dawat ka intizam kia gaya tha chooti si lunch party thi jis main idare ke sare hi log thay. Mujh kowahan warm welcome kara gaya, main tu jese hawaon main urh raha tha, main etna acha hon ar sare log mujh say khush hain aaj hi ehsas howa tha nahi tu aik Peon ki kia hesiyat hoti hai. Mgr main naihamesha apne kaam main kabhi kami nahi kari thi pori koshish kar raha tha k main apni bisat say barh kar kaam karon aur kisi ko bhi kisi bhi kaam k liye inkar na karon.

#rd page of my dairy.

سوچا تھا کہ  زندگی کا ایک ایک صفحہ لکھ ڈالوں گا، مگر کیا  کا؟ میری زندگی کے ہر صفحہ پر کسی نہ کسی شقص کی پرچھائی موجود ہے ابہ کس کس کا پردہ رکھوں  کچھ سمجھ نہیں آتا. کچھ لوگوں سے اجازت لے لی ہے. باقی سے رابطہ ممکن نہیں. 

گزری رات مجھ کو بہت کچھ سیکھا گئی تھی.

Sorry guys, this is very write to type in Urdu font....

For the further I would love to continue in Roman Urdu. (Sorry for any kind of the issue or problem).

Guzri raat mujh ko bht kuch sikha gai thi, mgr phir bhi kuch swalon k jawab khud say nahi poch paa raha tha, Main bht reserve rehne wala banda tha phir etni jaldi kese kamzoor parh gaya, "us ne esa kia kar dia tha k main apni sari limit cross kar gaya tha aur aik hi raat main 3 dafa....."

Subh 11 baje utha tu thakan ya khumar tha jo uthne nahi dy raha tha, Us ne bataya k 9 baje say mere ghr say call arahi hai hum ko abh chalna chahiye, us ki ankhon main aik ajib si shararat thi aur main pata nahi kiun us ki taraf thik say dekh nahi paa raha tha, jitna jaldi mumkin tha utha fresh howa, juice piya aur us k sath wapis gher agaya, gher aya tu ami bht ghuse main thi, phir bhi bahana bana kar ami ko mana lia aur valima ki tayari main laga raha, woh bhi sara tym mere sath hi raha, har kam main meri madad karta raha, esa lag raha tha k jese us say barh kar mere liye koi aur nahi. Ami ko etni qurbat pasand nahi aye, ami nai sham mai hi keh dia k "mujh ko kisi bhi insan ka etna close hona pasand nahi, ess larke ko thora fasle par hi rakho." main nai kuch nahi kaha bus sar hila dia.

sham main valima say farigh howe tu mehman bhi ruqsat hona shuru howe, raat k 2 baje woh bhi chala gaya, main nai baqi mehmanon k sath apna bistr bahar sehn main lagaya tu usi tym abba agaye, woh Army main thy aur un ko pata tha k un ki beti ki shadi ho rahi hai, aba nai akar ami ko aur mujh ko mubarakbad di aur thora dair ruk kar chale gai kaha k kal aon ga aur beti say milon gaa.

main kuch keh bhi na paya na hi koi shikayat kar paya bus dil main aik kasak reh gai. abba say hum sab hi darte thy un k agai zaban kholna tu door ki baat sar utha kar bat karne tak ki ijazat nahi thi. baqi mehmanon main meri phuphu reh gai then. phuphu ki 2 betiyan aur 3 bete thy bare bete ki umr 25-27 k darmiyan hogi. meri bus salam dua hi thi. main mosami mendkon ko ziada moun nahi lagata wese bhi mera un say yeah pehla interection tha isi liye free hone ya friendly hone ka mouqa nahi mila tha. us cosin ne apna bistr mere bistr k kharib laga lia aur mujh say batain karne laga. main pichle 2-3 din main hoi apni zindgi main tabdili par sochna chahta tha. aur koi aik faisla karna chahta tha k abh agai kia karna hai. mgr woh mujh say musalsal batain kar raha tha.  main us ki han main han mila raha tha, main nai us ko kaha k ab sona chahiye kiun k yeah sehn hai aur subh soraj sedha moun par parta hai. us ne kaha ok aur hum sone ki tayari main lag gaye, guzri raat mujh ko yad ane lagi aur esi yad main thakan ki wajha say neend bhi agai, subh meri ankh us waqt khuli jabh ami nai uthaya 10 baj gaye thy soraj sar pe tha aur main ghadhe, ghore bech kar su raha tha. taqriban sab log hi uth gae thy. rasman behn ko lene jana tha esi liye mera intizar ho raha tha, nashta tayar tha main foran fresh howa aur change kar hi raha tha k Woh agaya, ami ne bura sa moun banaya. mgr main nai kaha k ess ki gari aur aik texi kar ke chale jain ge. Hum sabh jaldi jaldi nikle us ne bht ache say hath milaaya aur ankh mari. main kuch samjha nahi. 

yeah din bhi bhagam bhaag main guzr gaya. esi tarhan shadi pori hoi aur abh imtihan sar par thy, bus aik din ka gap mila tha us ke baad papers. shadi ke chakar main kuch bhi parhne ka mouqa nahi mila tha. esi liye ami say kaha k main abh emtihan ki tayari karon gaa. subh office jata half day le kar, North nazimabad main moujood Taimoria Liberary jata sara din wahan guzarta tuition ki chuti kar rakhi thi. aur es tarhan 2 paper ho gai. papers ke doran Us say mulaqat hoti kabhi kabhar hum sath hi gher ajate kabhi woh apne doston k sath chala jata kabhi main seedha liberary chala jata. 

jese tese kar k imtihan pore howe. Main us waqt tak internet say waqif nahi tha. imtihan khatm hote hi zindagi aik dafa phir say purani dagr par agai. sabh kuch old routien k mutabiq hone laga. Aur meri sari jama ponji tu khatm hi ho chuki thi, aik dafa phir say tuition shuru howe aur jaib main kuch pese aye tu kuch bojh kam howa. Ami ki tabyat bhi kharab hone lagi thi main nai un ko keh dia k ab kaam karne ki koi zaroorat nahi hai jese bhi hoga main manage kar lon ga. apne liye aur tuition dekhne laga. aur iss tarhan subh 7 baje gher say nikalta aur raat 9-10 tak gher wapis ajata. zindagi bht masroof ho gai thi k kuch  bhi sochne ya karne k liye tym nahi nikal paa raha tha, woh bhi kabhi kabhar mujh say office main ya bahar mil lete aur mere masroof hone ka gila karta. main nai us ko saf saf keh dia tha k mere oper abh gher ki pori zimeh dari hai aur mujh ko ye zimedari pori karni hai tu ...

Esi doran mere aik student nai mujh ko British consil ka bataa main wahan tym nikal kar gaya aur pata laga k Uk say scholarship ati hain main ni himat kar ke karowai shuru kari kisi ko nahi bataya sirf Us ko bataya aur us ne meri har mumkin madad karne ka wada kia, Mujh ko aik interview dena tha aur aik test clear karna tha usi k baad faisla hota k mujh ko scholarship milni hai ya nahi. Meri english bht kamzoor thi mgr jitni ati thi sahi ati thi, conversation main bhut problem tha, main nai Us say madad mang tu us nai kaha tum rozara aik ghanta mere gher par ajaya karo tu main tayari kara don ga, iss k liye mujh ko apna aik tuition chorna para aur main abh daily us k gher jane laga. aur esi doran humara 3 dafa sex howa, 2 dafa tak tu thik tha mgr mujh ko laga aur mehsoos howa k woh abh mera adi hota ja raha hai tu 3rd time par main nai us ko rokna chaha mgr woh nahi ruka aur main majboran us ka partner bana, abh mere samne 2 raste thy ya tu main us say alag ho jaon ya phir apni parhai ki khatir us ki bat manta rahon. faisla 2sra wala nikla, main nai kisi na kisi tarhan us ko oral tak mehdood rakhne ki koshish kari mgr aik week main 2-3 dafa sex hone laga tha jo mujh ko sahi nahi lag raha tha, aur main freak nahi hona chahta tha. main abhi apne future par pora tawajha rakhna chahta tha. KHUDDA KHUDDA kar ke mera interview howa aik hafta baad list aye tu main test k liye qualify kar gaya tha main khushi khushi yea bat batane us k gher gaya mgr woh gher par nahi tha us ko phone kia tu pata laga k woh doston k sath kisi hotel par hai. Hotel kiun k qarib hi tha tu socha uss say milta aur us ko batata jaon. (mere pas us tym tak mobile ya bike nahi thi) esi liye pedal chalta howa hotel tak puchancha edhr udhr dekha tu us ki gari khari hoi thi. woh hotel ka andr tha. Main hotel main ghus hi raha tha tu us ki awaz bht tezi say sunai di. woh apne doston ko bare maze say humare sex ki kahani suna raha tha. main aik dam sun ho kar reh gaya. us k dost bhi hans hans kar mera mazakh ura rahe thy,m shukr ye tha k us ne mera nam nahi bataya tha bus yehi k koi hai jo us ki aag bujha raha hai. us k doston main aik dost tha jo bar bar us say nam poch raha tha. usi tym main andar gaya, zabardasti ki muskurahat k sath sabh ko salam kia us ne mujh ko dekha tu heran howa aur pocha yar tu yahan kese, main nai us ko kaha k aik minute meri bat sun lo, main nai us ko bataya k main test k liye qualify kar gaya hon, tu us nai mujh ko tight hug kia aur kaha k aaj ki sham mere sath, main nai bht mushkil say us ko mana kia aur bojhal dil k sath tuition parhane chala gaya parhane main bhi dil na laga. kuch samjh nahi araha tha k jo dekha aur suna woh sach hai ya woh jo mere aur us k darmiyan raha. Us ne mere par bht ehsan kiye thy tu main nai bhi apni tarf say koi kami nahi chori thi. 

Raat bhr neend nahi aye, subh office bhi gaya mgr kisi kam main dil nahi lag raha tha, k woh adhamka, us ne kaha k aaj lunch mere sath. main nai foran kaha k han mujh ko tum say kuch bat karna hai. aur hu mlunch par Gulshan main mujood Usmania chale gai, khana kia khana tha mujh ko us say bat karne ka bahana chahiye tha. main nai foran hi us ko kaha k kal jo tum apne doston ko bata rahe thy kia woh sahi hai ya ye jo tum ere sath ho ye sahi hai. huamre darmiyan jo bhi howa agr woh bat room tak hi rehti tu acha tha ya abh sabh main shoor macha kar qise suna rahe ho yea acha hai? us nai meri bat suni muskuraya aur kaha " yar tujh ko kia problem hai ess tarhan tere ko aur bande mil jain gai, mera bhi Canada jane ka ho raha hai agr main chala gaya tu tujh ko kon khush rakhe ga?" main herani say us ki shakal dekh raha tha. aur dobara wohi bola "mera aik dot hai jo tujh main bht interested hai, kaho ti line connect kara don?" abh ghuse say meri halat buri thi mgr majbor tha aik tu us k ehsan oper say yeah bat, ghuse ya taklif ki wajha say meri ankhon main anso agai. aur main nai us ko saaf saf keh diya k abh agr mujh say dosti rakhni hai tu tum ko sabh ko chorna hoga aur agr sabh k sath rehna hai tu mere ko chorna hoga. us nai kaha k main baad main bataon gaa. bari mushkil say kuch khaya gaya aur hum office wapis agai.

Mere din aur raat bht mushkil main thy, aik tarf test ki tayari, dosri taarf uss ki batain main nai khud ko aik dafa phir apni tanhai main qaid kar lia, bus kam say kam. esi doran main nai mobile bhi le lia aur gher bhi shift kar k F b area main agai. apne new gher ka pata main nai offic main aur kisi ko nahi bataya. mere boss bhi mujh ko note kar rahe thy aur aksr pochte thy k beta koi problem hay tu batao. main nai kaha k nahi bus study ka pressure hai aur kuch nahi. 

Waqt guzrta gaya, aur phir test ka din ahi gaya, main apni  pori mehnat kar raha tha aur koshish thi k scholarship ka imtihan clear kar lon. mgr koi help nahi thi jo kia tha khud kia tha esi liye dar raha tha, Karachi k regent plaza hotel main imtihan hona tha 900 k qarib log thy, buht rush tha. main nai apni pori mhnt aur tawani ko sarf kar k tayari kari thi esi liye thoda confidence tha mgr dar bhi tha. koshish kar raha tha k apna khoof kisi par zahir na hone don. bht kam log bus main aye thy aksar bare gher k log thy jo drivers k sath hi aye thy. mujh ko meri jagha batai gai aur main nai imtihan de dia. 2 ghante baad test pora howa tu copy wapis kari mujh ko kaha gaya k main bahar wait karon, koi mujh say milna chahta hai. mera nahi khayal tha k aaj koi intervciew hona tha. phir bhi kiun k un logon nai kaha tha esi liye rukna para.

adha ghanta wait karne k bad mujh ko aik room main bulwaya gaya wahan 2 gore bethe thy aur 2 pakistani. mujh ko bethne ka kahay agya, interview say pehle aik sheet di gai thi jo main nai fillup kar ke de di thi. woh un k hath main thi, main bht khoof zida tha k aik gore nai mujh say bht frankly ho kar bat karna shuru kari, thori bht english agai thi main bht hi muhtat ho kar jawab dene laga, mujh say meri family, mere work, mere future aur pata nahi kia kia sawal kiye gaye, phir pocha gaya k agr mujh ko scholarship mil jati hai tu kia main scholarship k baad UK nationality k liye apply karon gaa? yea tu main nai socha hi nahi tha bus scholarship ka hi socha tha. main nai kaha k nahi, yeah faisla meri ami kare ge. esi bat par woh sab muskurae aur meri sheet par kuch remarks likhe, mujh ko aik paper diya aur kaha k next week main apna passport aur sare documents le kar british counsil ajaon. meri kuch samjh nahi araha tha, aur abh kis say pochon k akhri mere sath ho kia raha hai. Mere contact detail main main nai apna mobile numbr likhwa dia tha aur aik paros ka numbr bhi tha. 2 din baad mere paros k number per phone aya main office main tha tu ami nai mere office ka numbr dy dia mujh ko wahan phone aya k mujh ko 100% scholarship Cambridge say grant ho gai hai Main iss achanak ki khushkhabri k liye ready nahi tha k ami ka aik dafa phir phone aya k koi courier say aik lifafa dy gaya hai aur tum ne kabh scholarship ka kia kese kia foran gher ajao. main nai rote rote apne boss ko sari bat batai tu unhon nai kaha k beta mujh ko tum par faqr hai, Main apne boss k room ka Peon tha mgr woh jitni sakhti karte thy uss say ziada mhbt bhi karte thy mujh ko utha kar foran dosre logon k pas le gaye aur sabh ko mere bare main bataya pore office main sabh nai mujh ko mubarakbad di aur unhon nai apne driver say kaha k mujh ko mere gher chor aye. mujh say kaha gaya k main agle din mithai leta aon. main khushi khushi gher k liye nikla. gher puhancha tu "Woh" bhi apne aik dost k sath mera intizar kar raha tha bahar hi gari main tha. main sir ki gari say utra driver ka shukriya ada kia us ko pani ka pocha mgr woh chala gaya phir main un dono say mila aur ami mera be sabri say intizar kar rahi thi, mujh ko dekhte hi gale say lagaya aur phoot phoot kar rone lagi, abbu ka bhi phone aya aur unhon nai bhi bht dua di. behn bhi agai thi. mani ne aik hafta pehle hi apna passport bhi banaya liya tha main nai pehle namaz shukrana ada kari, ALLAH ke agai gir gira k roya aur bhik mangi k mujh ko jis tarhan yahan kamyab kia hai wese hi ane wale waqt main bhi kamyab kare, ami ne kaha k mere dost neche mera entizar kar rahe hain, Ohoo gher akar un ko tu bhol hi gaya tha, main koi badmazgi nahi chahta tha, kiun k meri iss kamyabi k peche Uss ka bhi kirdar tha. main neche aya tu undono nai mujh ko aik dafa phir mubarakbad di aur achanak meri ami say kaha k hum sath jaa rahe hain thora enjoy karain gai celeberate karain gay phir 7-8 baje tak wapis ajain gai, main chahta tha k ami mujh ko mana kar dain mgr ami ni khushi ki wajha say kaha k han jaon. jaldi ajana.

Hum log wahan say nikal kar pehle Hydri aye wahan Agha par juice piya phir main nai pocha k tum logon ko mere gher pa pata kese laga tu Uss ne kaha k yar tum mere dost ho tum nai nahi bataya tu kia howa main nai khud hi dhondh lia. Main muskura dia main pichili kisi bhi talqi ko yad nahi rakhna chahta tha. phir us ne kaha k hum log us ke dosre dost (jo us k sath tha aur pichli seat par tha) k gher chalte hain wahan thora tym guzr kar hum log sham main bahar nikle gain main nai kaha thik hai. woh larka bhi gulshan main disco bakry ki taraf rehta tha. raste main ami ka phone aya k sare khandan main bata dia hai, aur sabh log aaj hi mujh say milne aur mujh ko mubarakbad dene arahe hain. esi liye jaldi gher ajaon aur abbu bhi aaj sham arahe hain. main nai kaha k ji ami jitna jaldi ho saka ajaon gaa. Hum log uss k dost k gher main dakhil howe mahool Uss k gher jesa hi tha, sabh ko bataya k main nai kia teer mara hai sab nai hi mubarakbadd di aur hum log drawing room main baith gaye hum ko sharbat waghera diya gaya, thora dair baad us ka dost fresh hone ka keh kar apne room main gaya tu main aur Woh hi reh gai bus us ne drawingroom ko lock kia aur mujh say kaha k jane say pehle aik raat us k sath guzaron, main nai saaf mana kar dia k esa mumkin nahi. uss nai mujh ko bht force kia mgr main nahi mana. Esa nahi tha k main us k sath waqt nahi guzarna chahta tha main tu yehi chahta tha k jo bhi ho usi k sath ho mgr uss ki baton aur harkaton ki wajha say dar lagta tha, thora dair main us ka dost wapis aya tu kuch khane peene ki chezein bhi sath laya tha, main sambhal kar beth gaya, Us ny ate hi USS ki taraf dekha aur pocha k kuch baat bani uss ny inkar main sar hila diya, tu USS ka dost muskura diya. Main samjh gaya k kia batain ho rahi hain. main nai bhi khul kar bat karne ka faisla kia. 

Abh main aap ko undono k naam batane jaa raha hon, aur yeah naam main un ki ijazat say le raha hon, woh log aaj bhi meri fb par add hain, aur hum aksar chat karte hain. Mere old frnd ka Naam Asif Tha aur uss k dost ka Naam Atif. ji haan Atif, aur yehi naam har dafa meri zindagi main aya aur jabh bhi aya aik tofan le kar aya aur mujh say mera sabh kuch chin kar le gaya, Naam aik tha mgr loog alag alag, Mujh ko ess ATif say koi shikayat nahi thi kiun k jitna us ko pata laga tha uss k baad koi bhi ho excited ho jata. Phir mere samne un dono nai khoob jam kar sex kia, aik ghanta tak karte rahe aur main sirf dekhta hi raha, darmiyan main kafi dafa kaha gaya k main un dono ko join kar lon mgr main sirf majboran hi wahan betha rha. Dil tu chah raha tha k uth kar chala jaon mgr main abhi etna mature nahi howa tha k jo scho wohi kar sakon. Jab woh dono farig howe tu unhon nai aik dafa phir mujh ko offer kari k main un dono k liye top ka role play karon mgr main nai mana kar dia aur Asif say kaha k mujh ko gher chor do mehrbani hogi. mere dimagh main bht shadeed dard ho raha tha, pora jism sunn tha k koi insan apni hawis k liye iss had tak bhi jaa sakta hai. Shayad un ko meri halat par taras agaya aur woh dono ready ho gai k mujh ko gher chor dain. raste main main bilkul chup raha aur yehi dua karta raha k jitna jaldi mumkin ho Pakistan say chala jaon. un dono nai mujh ko mere gher chora aur main bojhal qadmon k sath apne gher k andar agaya, halat esi thi k main nai un dono ko good bye tak na kia.

Oper aya tu kuch log achuke thy, main ami say shower lene ka keh kar shower lene chala gaya aur dair tak shower k neche beth kar rota raha, yeah anso kis liye thy samjh nahi araha tha, mgr esa lag raha tha k jese mujh sai koi bht qeemti cheez chin li gai ho. mujh ko aik sahare ki zaroorat thi jo mujh ko sambhalta nahi tu meri esi hi halat rehti tu ami ne pareshan ho jana tha aur mujh ko abhi jane ki tayari bhi karni thi. 

main bht himat kar k bahar nikla, change kia aur sabh main zabardsti ghulne milne laga. batain karne laga, mera cozin Bilal bhi agaya aur sabh say ziada wohi excited tha aur keh raha tha k yar mujh ko bata dete tu main bhi tumhare sath hi apply kar deta, tu main nai kaha k yar tumhari metric kitne numbers ki hai tu uss k B grad tha tu main nai kaha next term k liye apply kardo jo main nai kia woh tum ko bata don gaa. Bilal ne kaha thik hai. Mujh ko abh bilal main apna dost nazr ane laga. main sochna nahi chahta tha mgr soch mujh ko usi ki taraf le ja rahi thi, Bilal khud bhi bht sharp mind tha raat k khane k bad jabh sab rukqsat hone lage tu Bilal ne phuphu say kaha k main yahan ruk raha hon aur mujh say kuch batain karon gaa guidline lon ga aur subh gher wapis ajaon, ga, mujh ko pata nahi kiun uss ka rukna acha laga. main aur bilal hawa khane k bahane gher say bahar nikle, tu muhale ka aik larka jo abh mera behnoi ban chuka hai sath agaya us nai bhi mere sath inter kia tha mge D grad say. meri bus salam dua thi. hum log chalte chalte Cafe Piyala tak agai aur wahan akar hum nai tea pee. main thora relex mehsoos kar raha tha k usi tym mere mobile par aik unknown number say call aye main nai rec nahi kari tu txt aya k Em Atif please take my call. main aik tarf uth kar gaya aur khud hi us ko call kar dali. rasman bat hone k bada us ne mujh say kaha k main Asif say door chala jaon aur us ka sochon bhi nahi kiun k abh ASif mera hai, main nai kaha k aaj jo howa us k bad abh mere aur Asif k darmiyan kuch bhi nahi raha. aur esi arhan bat khatm ho gai. 

main kuch halka ho gaya tha, wapis aya tu Muhalee ka larka cigerate jala raha tha sath hi bilal bhi jala raha tha, Bilal ne mujh ko bhi offer kari aur main nai kuch bhi soche bagher aik cigerate le li, phir jabh pehla kash lagaya tu ankhon say dhowan nikal gaya. mgr main pee raha tha. woh meri pehli cigerate thi. log kehte hain k relex hota hai aftr smoking magr mere sath esa kuch nahi howa main tu ulta aur tension main agaya, pora aik jag say kuli karta raham shahi suppari aur jane kia kia khaya, bar bar hath dhowe aur jan bokh kar late gher gaya k ami k samna na ho. 

gher aya tu sab hi ja chuke thy dosre kamre main humara bistr laga howa tha. main aur bilal sath hi baith gae. us ne mujh ko internet ka bataya tu main nai kaha k yar jane say pehle mujh ko kuch sikha dena phir main internet say rabite main rahon gaa, kiun k wahan ja kar mujh ko 2 hours ki job karni hai gher bhi kuch bhejna hai aur apna oper ka kharcha bhi uthana hai. us ne wada kia k woh mujh ko zaroor sikhae gaa. main uss say hath milaya aur hum sone k liye let gaie.......