Page 4 from my life....

Doston, aur parhne walon, ho sakta hai ke meri iss tarhanki share ki howi batain aap ko achi na lagain ke main apna badla lene k liye ya phir intiqami jazbe ke tehet dosre logon k nam likh raha hon aur un k kahani bhi likh raha hon, mgr main aap sab ko yeah yaqin dilate honk e jin jin k naam likhta hon aur ziker karta hon who sab hi aaj mere contact main hain aur hum aik dost nahi bus tym pass ki hesiyat say aik dosre say net par chit chat kar lete hain kuch logon say rabita nahi ho saka isi liye un ka zikr tu ho sakta hai mgr naam aur shanaqt k bagher. Rahi meri shanaqt aur naam tu jese hi yeah kahan I khatm hogi akhri safhe par mera naam aur meri shanaqt zaroor hogi yeah mera khud say wada hai aur aap sab hi say mera ehd….

Main kisi na kisi tarhan Asif k khayalat say khud ko door rarkhne ko koshish kar raha tha jis k liye main nai anjae main apne cosin ka sahara lia, meri pori koshish yehi thi k mera cosin mere ehsasat ko kahi samjh n alai gr who umr main mujh say bara tha aur mujh say kahin ziada social meri feelings ko bhaanp hi gaya. Main nai apni pori tawajah apne U.K jane par rakhi hoi thi sath hi sath main koshish kar raha tha keh mere jane say mere gher par kisi qisam ki koi pareshani na ho. Kiun k mere jane k liye peson kizaroorat thi kuch pese tu jama thy mgr gher k akhrajat k liye kia karon yehi soch raha tha. Main nai apne daftr say resign kar dia, mere boss nai mujh say pocha k beta kisi bhi qisam ki koi zaroorat ho tu mujh ko batana, sath hi mujh ko kaha k last working day tum zaroor ana tumhari salary main dilwa don gaa. Main nai wada kia k main zaroor aon ga. Esi doran mere British counsil ke chakar lagte rahe, kabhivisa procces kabhi kuch kabhi kuch, phir embassy main interview k liye Islamabad jane ka howa tu main ane cosin Bilal k sath hi jane ka fesla kia, hum log ne esa plan kia tha k yahan say jis din nikle next day interview dain aur usi shaam wapis Karachi ajain. Office main bhi sab ne mujh ko bht duain di. Mgr Asif kahi nahi dikha us ko wese bhi nokri ya parhai say koi khaas dilchasppi nahi thi, bare gher ka beta tha sab kuch tu tha hi us k pass us ko bhala kisi bhibaat ki kia fiker ho sakti thi?

Esi tarhan main aur Bilal Islamabad k liye rawwana ho gai, mere pas tu bus apnne hisab say pese thy mgr Bilal nai achi khasi raqm sath rakhi hoi thi. Us ne mujh ko nahi bataya k who Islamabad k sath sath murree waghera bhi jane ka erada rakhta hai. Hum log by bus Islamabad gaye thy aur bus nai hum ko bilkul waqt par hi hum ko Faizabad k stop par utar diya tha kiun k safr ki thakan thi is liye kisi hotel jana bht zaroori tha, hum log pindi k aik hotel “Gandhara Hotel – liaqat bagh” main gai aur aik room rent par lia. Thakan tu thi mgr embassy main jane main kuch waqt tha esi liye hum log foran fresh howe aur texi kar k embassy ki taraf rawana howe, ebassy k area main texi ko jane ki ijazat nahi hai bari mushkil say passport dikha kar hum ko andar jane ki ijazat mili. Mgr Bilal ko nahi kiun k us k pas na hi call letter than a hi passport. Who kehne laga k main Abpara pe wait karta hon. Andar gaya interview howa aur 5 hours k baad wapis bahar nikla tu aik sakoon sath ha. K sab say bara marhala mukamil howa.

Hum log wapis hotel aye main nai kaa k main bht thak gaya hon aram karon ga, us neb hi yehi kaha hum khana kha kar su gaye raat ko ankh khuli aur main nai kaha k abh wapsi ka safr karte hain. Us ne kaha k 2 din aur rukte hain aur murree waghera ghom k chalet hain mgr main nai mana kar dia. Meri zid k agai who har maan gaya aur hum nay usi rat Karachi wapis ane ka faisla kia bus stand par aye tu Karachi k liye koi bus nahi thi han Lahore k liye bus ja rahi thi, hum log Lahore k liye nikal pare aur waha say Karachi jane ka faisla kia. Safr bht khamoshi say guzra bus ne hum ko 5 hours main lhr utar dia wahan say hum seedha station aye aur Karachi jane wali Shalimar express ka tickt lia aur station par hi baith gaye, us waqt Bilal nai mera interview lena shuru kia, us ka lehja aik dam badla howa tha aur batain ilkul alag thi. Us nai mujh say bht sawal kie, mere bachpan, mere doston, meri family aur mere bare main main bhi koshish kar raha tha k har sawal ka jawab tasali say don aur koshish karon k job hi ho woh mutmain ho jae. Mgr us k har sawal k peche koi na koi dusra sawal hota tha, thora dair main train platform par lag ai aur hum us main sawar ho gai, humare pass aik birth thi aur aik seat. Main aur bilal birth par baith gai aur main ne kaha k thora dair main let jata hon thora dair tum let jao. Main jese hi leta meri ankh lag gai mujh ko Bilal nai us waqt uthaaya jabh Khanewal ka station agaya tha. Aur bhook bhi lag rahi thi. Hum ne pai bhar k wahan khana khaya aur train main sawar ho gai. Abh uss k sone ki bari thi mgr who leta nahi bus betha hi raha aur hum edhr udhr ki batain karte rahe. Mgr mujh ko esa laga k jese us nai mujh main chupa howa insan pakar lia hai aur us ki nigahian mujh ko abh chubhti hoi mehsoos ho rahi thi. Main pata nahi kiun us kinighaon ka samna nahi kar paa raha tha. Bus yehi dua kar raha tha k jaldi say Karachi ajae, ese hi bethe bethe main aik risala parta raha aur who taik laga kar su gaya, ahista ahista station ate jaa rahe thy ar main apne mustaqbil ki tayari main sooch raha tha. Rohri aya tu socha k us ko utha don k kuch kha lai pata nahi gari abh kaha ruke gi us ko uthaya tu who nahi utha. Main nai ehtiyatan station say kuch stuff le lia k ar raat ko bhook lagi tu kaam aye gi. Train ka tym raat 12 pe Karachi puhanchne ka tha aur train qismat say raat 12 baje landhi station par thi k bilal utha. Us ne pocha k konsa station hai tu main nai us ko jawab dia k landhi tu who jhatke say utha ark aha yar hum log Drigroad utar jate hain, Cent say fasla bht ho jae ga. Main nai station par utarne k liye apna jo saman phela howa tha sameta aur aik dam ready ho gaya. Main nai us say poca k etni rat ko tum apne gher jaon gay ya mere sath chalo gay tu us ne kaha k who mujh ko mere gher chore gaa aur phir apne gher jae gaa. Hum Drigroad station par utre aur wahan say aik texi kar k us ne mujh ko mere gher chora aur apne gher chala gaya, ami ny us ko bht roka k etni raat ko na jao mgr us ne kaha k kal ajaon ga. Main bht thaka howa tha mustaqil safr phir aik ajib sa khoof k abh kia hoga. Fresh ho kar ami k sath beth gaya nend nahi arahi thi ami ne pocha k kia howa wahan tu ami ko bataya ami neb hi dua di. Abhu ka bhi phone agaya aur dua di.

Agli subh ankh nahi khuli, sham 4 baje jab Bilal aya tu ami ny utaa k abh sham ho chuki hai uth jao. Main utha aur uth kar fresh ho kar bilal k sath beth gaya ami e kane ka poca tu main nai jst tea ka kaha. Phir mere bos ka phone aya k kal zaroor ana hai. Main nai kaha thik hai. Phir bilal ne kaha k wahan tu paint shirt hi pehna hogi mgr mere pas ziada kapre nahi thy jo sath le jata Bilal ne kaha k mere pas kuch kapre extra hain who sath le jana mgr etni dair main ami ishara kar chuki thi k nahi kisi say aur khas kar kisi bhi rishte dar say kuch bhi nahi lena hai.

Bilal kuch rasmi batain kar k chala gaya aur main ese hi hawa khae gher say bahar nikal aya aur gher k qarib hi aik park main baith gaya. Rastem main pata nahi kiun aik cigerate le lit hi mgr jalai nahi thi. Dil aur dimagh aik ajib mushkil main tha, meri life ka yea saal bht afra tafrih le kar aya tha sabh kuch jaldi jaldi ho raha tha. Meri job, exam, sis ki shadi, Asif, Atif, abh yea Bilal. Phir mera jana, aur tayari, gher ki fiker, main nai dil hi dil main dua kari, “ALLAH mujh ko himat day, agr main ghalt hon tu mujh ko sedha rasta dikha aur sahi hon tu mujh ko kamyab kar.”

Aur edhr udhr dekh kar cigert jalae laga. Pehil dafa aik hotel par beth kar pi thi aur aaj park main beth kar pee raha tha….

Cigerte pe kar aik hotel gaya wahan achi tarhan moun saaf kia supari khai. Aik buble moun main dal aur khud ko pursakon zahir karta howa gher ki taraf ane laga. Gher main dakhil howa tu ami ka mod bht bht kharab tha. Main samjha k shayad abu say koi bat hoi ho ya kisi ne kuch kaa ho main andr gaya tu meri chooti sis nai bataya k bhai aaj aap ki kher nahi. Main nai kaha kiun kia howa? Tu us ne kuch nahi kaha kiun k ami adar agai thi. Main khud ko pursakon zahir karte howe Tv ki taraf dekhne laga. Ussi waqt ami mere samne aye aur mere moun par aik zoor ka tamacha mara… main aik dam haka baka k ami ne mere job karne k baad say mujh par hath nahi uthaya tha k main bara ho gaya hon haan batain bht sunati thi. Tu yeah tamasha kiun?

Phir khud hi boli k tere dost Asif nai aur kia kia sikhaya hai tujh ko? Mere peron k niche say zamin nikal gai, ajib ajib khayalat dimagh main nae lage, Asif aya tha kia kahin us nai ammi ko sabh kuch tu nahi bata dia waghera waghera, aur main khud hi paseene main nahane laga. Ami nai aik aur tamasha mara aur pocha k yeah cigerate kab say pee raha hai tu? Main aik dafa phir heran tha k main tu park main baith kar pee raha tha ye bat yahan tak kese agai mgr main ami k samne jhot nahi bol sakta tha main nai ami ko saaf saf keh dia k, “aj dosri dafa pii hai iss say pehle bus aik dafa jo chahe qasm le lo.” Ami ne mujh ko jo marna shuru kia tu usi waqt ruki jab who thak gai, sis aur muhale ki ain aunty bhi agai aura mi ko samjhane lagi k bacha jawan hai ese nahi marte mgr ami nahi ruki, main aik taraf khara hi tha aur ankhon main bus ansoo thy. Hazar khayal mere dil main arahe thy mgr yeah samjh nahi araha tha k yea bat batai kis nai hogi?

Jabh ami thak gait u dosre kamre main chali gai main esi room main baith gaya phir thora dair baad muhale wali aunty aye aur kaha k jao ami say maffi mango aur kaho k abh nahi peo gay. Main uta aura mi k pas gaya, main nai ami say kaha k main koi esakaam nahi karon gaa jis say aap ko taklif ho. Aur na hi kara hai. Aap ko kis nai bataya k main yea kar raha tha. Unhon nai muhale k usi larke ka nam lia jo aaj kal mera behnoi hai. Mujh ko bht ghusa aya, aur dukh bhihowa k etni giri hoi harkat? Kher dafa karo us ko, ami nai kaha k abh peye ga, main nai dil mazboot kar k kaa k ami main pori koshish karon ga k jitna bach sakta hon bachon mgr wada es liye nahi kar sakta k anai wali life main kab kia hoga mujh ko khud nahi pata. Ami nai mujh ko gale lagaya aur kaha k thik hai tum apni pori koshish karna mujh ko tum par bharosa hai.

Main nai esi tarhan rat guzari, mutlab k sochte howe k abh kis pe bharosa kia jae, kon hai esa jo mujh ko meri had tak rakhe har kisi say share na kare. Bht kam umr main gher ki zimedari sambhali, na hi bachpan samjh saka na hi jawani samjh main arahi hai. Meri khud ki bhi koi life hogi k nahi? Enhi sochon main su gaya subh 6 baje ami nai uthaya kiun k aaj mera daftr main last day tha. Main ne wohi kapre pehne jo main nai first tym office jate howe pehne thy aur tayar ho kar daftr k liyenikla. Bilkul esa lag raha tha k jesa aaj mera pehla din hai. Apne daftr main gaya tu jese sabh hi mere muntazir thy. Sabh nai bht garm jooshi say mera istaqbal kia. Mere boss khud attendance room main aye aur mujh ko gale lagaya aur emra hath pakar kar daftr main le gae, pehli dafa apne samne bitha kar mujh ko kaha, “beta aaj tak main nai tum par bht sakhti kari, tum ko bht bura bhala kaha, jis k liye main sharminda hon, mgr yea sabh tumahre liye bht zaroori tha tumhari pehli nokrithi aur tum ko bht kuch sekhna tha aur abhi bhi bht kuch seekhna hai. Meri koi aulad nahi hai main tum say kabhi kuch keh nahi saka magr aaj kehta hon k tum mere bete jese ho aur jitni mehnat say tum kaam karte ho aur apni khuddari k agai har nahi mante mujh ko tum par naaz hai. Aur apni drawz main say aik lifafa nikala aur  mujh ko dete howe kaha beta yeah 50000/= (pacha hazar hain) I know k yeah kam hain abhi etne rakho aur kabhi bhi kahin bhi zaroorat pare mujh ko pehle atana tum yahan gher ki fikr na karna jab tak tumhara waha koi mustaqil intizam nahi hojata tumhari tnakhwah jitni raqm khamoshi k sath tumhare gher puhanch jaya kare ge. Main nai herani say un ki taraf dekha aur inkar kia tu unhon nai kaha k “tum mere bete ho tu yeam mera frz hai k main bhi kuch karon, wese bhi tum nai meribht khidmat kari hai.” Main achanak hi rona shuru howa, pehli dfa mere boss jin ko main dil hi dil main Hitler kaha karta tha etne narm dil aur etne piyar karne wale aur etna khayal rakhne wale honge socha bhi na tha, who bhi pehli dafa rone lage phir unhon nai meri jaga jo naya larka ya tha peon us ko awaz lagai, who andar aya tu uss say mera intro karaya, meri ankho main us waqt tak anso thy who bhi herani say dekh raha tha k yeah ho kia raha hai, mere boss nai mera intro es tarhan shuru kia “Yeah mera beta hai, aik sal say tumhari jaga peon ki nokri karta raha hai aur aaj apni mehnat say U.K jar aha hai is say kuch sekh lo tumhare bht kaam aye gaa.”

Phir us larke ko apni gari ki chabi dete howe kaha k pichli seat par job hi rakha hai who utha kar le ao. Who key le kar chala gaya. Sir ne mujh ko U.K k mahjool wahan k atwar chal chalan k bare main bataya kuch nasihatain kari, mujh ko apne gher ka aur U.K main mojood aik aziz ka numr dia aura chi tarhan say sab kuch samjhane lage. Thoda hi dair main who larka andar aya tu us k hath main aik buht khoobsorat sa suitcase tha. Us  suitcase ko unhon nai apni table par rakha us larke ko kaha k tum bahar jao aur mujh ko uss suitcase ka code bataya aur us ko khola us ko khola tu uss main mere size ki 4 paints aur shirts thy 2 behtreen shoes thy. Aur kuch bhi tha, unhon nai kaha k yeah sab tumahre liye hai, jis din tm ne kaha tha k tum koshish kar rahe ho scholarship k liye tayari kar rahe ho mujh ko pora yaqin tha k tum zaroor jao gai. Aur usi din say mainnai tumhare jane k lie kuch tayari kari thi. Tum bilkul be fikr ho kar jana aur wahan jismaqsad k liye jrahe ho wohi karna wese bhi mujh ko pora yaqin hai k tum aik ache larke ho apne kam say kam rakho gai.”

Meri ankhon main aik dafa phir ansoo thy mgr unhon nai mujh ko gale lagaya bht dua di aur kaa k jis din tum jao gai us din main khud tumahre gher aon a aur tum ko airport chorne jaon gaa.

Phir unhon nai mujh ko dosre logon say milne ki ijazat di, staff room main mere liye aik dawat ka intizam kia gaya tha chooti si lunch party thi jis main idare ke sare hi log thay. Mujh kowahan warm welcome kara gaya, main tu jese hawaon main urh raha tha, main etna acha hon ar sare log mujh say khush hain aaj hi ehsas howa tha nahi tu aik Peon ki kia hesiyat hoti hai. Mgr main naihamesha apne kaam main kabhi kami nahi kari thi pori koshish kar raha tha k main apni bisat say barh kar kaam karon aur kisi ko bhi kisi bhi kaam k liye inkar na karon.

#rd page of my dairy.

سوچا تھا کہ  زندگی کا ایک ایک صفحہ لکھ ڈالوں گا، مگر کیا  کا؟ میری زندگی کے ہر صفحہ پر کسی نہ کسی شقص کی پرچھائی موجود ہے ابہ کس کس کا پردہ رکھوں  کچھ سمجھ نہیں آتا. کچھ لوگوں سے اجازت لے لی ہے. باقی سے رابطہ ممکن نہیں. 

گزری رات مجھ کو بہت کچھ سیکھا گئی تھی.

Sorry guys, this is very write to type in Urdu font....

For the further I would love to continue in Roman Urdu. (Sorry for any kind of the issue or problem).

Guzri raat mujh ko bht kuch sikha gai thi, mgr phir bhi kuch swalon k jawab khud say nahi poch paa raha tha, Main bht reserve rehne wala banda tha phir etni jaldi kese kamzoor parh gaya, "us ne esa kia kar dia tha k main apni sari limit cross kar gaya tha aur aik hi raat main 3 dafa....."

Subh 11 baje utha tu thakan ya khumar tha jo uthne nahi dy raha tha, Us ne bataya k 9 baje say mere ghr say call arahi hai hum ko abh chalna chahiye, us ki ankhon main aik ajib si shararat thi aur main pata nahi kiun us ki taraf thik say dekh nahi paa raha tha, jitna jaldi mumkin tha utha fresh howa, juice piya aur us k sath wapis gher agaya, gher aya tu ami bht ghuse main thi, phir bhi bahana bana kar ami ko mana lia aur valima ki tayari main laga raha, woh bhi sara tym mere sath hi raha, har kam main meri madad karta raha, esa lag raha tha k jese us say barh kar mere liye koi aur nahi. Ami ko etni qurbat pasand nahi aye, ami nai sham mai hi keh dia k "mujh ko kisi bhi insan ka etna close hona pasand nahi, ess larke ko thora fasle par hi rakho." main nai kuch nahi kaha bus sar hila dia.

sham main valima say farigh howe tu mehman bhi ruqsat hona shuru howe, raat k 2 baje woh bhi chala gaya, main nai baqi mehmanon k sath apna bistr bahar sehn main lagaya tu usi tym abba agaye, woh Army main thy aur un ko pata tha k un ki beti ki shadi ho rahi hai, aba nai akar ami ko aur mujh ko mubarakbad di aur thora dair ruk kar chale gai kaha k kal aon ga aur beti say milon gaa.

main kuch keh bhi na paya na hi koi shikayat kar paya bus dil main aik kasak reh gai. abba say hum sab hi darte thy un k agai zaban kholna tu door ki baat sar utha kar bat karne tak ki ijazat nahi thi. baqi mehmanon main meri phuphu reh gai then. phuphu ki 2 betiyan aur 3 bete thy bare bete ki umr 25-27 k darmiyan hogi. meri bus salam dua hi thi. main mosami mendkon ko ziada moun nahi lagata wese bhi mera un say yeah pehla interection tha isi liye free hone ya friendly hone ka mouqa nahi mila tha. us cosin ne apna bistr mere bistr k kharib laga lia aur mujh say batain karne laga. main pichle 2-3 din main hoi apni zindgi main tabdili par sochna chahta tha. aur koi aik faisla karna chahta tha k abh agai kia karna hai. mgr woh mujh say musalsal batain kar raha tha.  main us ki han main han mila raha tha, main nai us ko kaha k ab sona chahiye kiun k yeah sehn hai aur subh soraj sedha moun par parta hai. us ne kaha ok aur hum sone ki tayari main lag gaye, guzri raat mujh ko yad ane lagi aur esi yad main thakan ki wajha say neend bhi agai, subh meri ankh us waqt khuli jabh ami nai uthaya 10 baj gaye thy soraj sar pe tha aur main ghadhe, ghore bech kar su raha tha. taqriban sab log hi uth gae thy. rasman behn ko lene jana tha esi liye mera intizar ho raha tha, nashta tayar tha main foran fresh howa aur change kar hi raha tha k Woh agaya, ami ne bura sa moun banaya. mgr main nai kaha k ess ki gari aur aik texi kar ke chale jain ge. Hum sabh jaldi jaldi nikle us ne bht ache say hath milaaya aur ankh mari. main kuch samjha nahi. 

yeah din bhi bhagam bhaag main guzr gaya. esi tarhan shadi pori hoi aur abh imtihan sar par thy, bus aik din ka gap mila tha us ke baad papers. shadi ke chakar main kuch bhi parhne ka mouqa nahi mila tha. esi liye ami say kaha k main abh emtihan ki tayari karon gaa. subh office jata half day le kar, North nazimabad main moujood Taimoria Liberary jata sara din wahan guzarta tuition ki chuti kar rakhi thi. aur es tarhan 2 paper ho gai. papers ke doran Us say mulaqat hoti kabhi kabhar hum sath hi gher ajate kabhi woh apne doston k sath chala jata kabhi main seedha liberary chala jata. 

jese tese kar k imtihan pore howe. Main us waqt tak internet say waqif nahi tha. imtihan khatm hote hi zindagi aik dafa phir say purani dagr par agai. sabh kuch old routien k mutabiq hone laga. Aur meri sari jama ponji tu khatm hi ho chuki thi, aik dafa phir say tuition shuru howe aur jaib main kuch pese aye tu kuch bojh kam howa. Ami ki tabyat bhi kharab hone lagi thi main nai un ko keh dia k ab kaam karne ki koi zaroorat nahi hai jese bhi hoga main manage kar lon ga. apne liye aur tuition dekhne laga. aur iss tarhan subh 7 baje gher say nikalta aur raat 9-10 tak gher wapis ajata. zindagi bht masroof ho gai thi k kuch  bhi sochne ya karne k liye tym nahi nikal paa raha tha, woh bhi kabhi kabhar mujh say office main ya bahar mil lete aur mere masroof hone ka gila karta. main nai us ko saf saf keh dia tha k mere oper abh gher ki pori zimeh dari hai aur mujh ko ye zimedari pori karni hai tu ...

Esi doran mere aik student nai mujh ko British consil ka bataa main wahan tym nikal kar gaya aur pata laga k Uk say scholarship ati hain main ni himat kar ke karowai shuru kari kisi ko nahi bataya sirf Us ko bataya aur us ne meri har mumkin madad karne ka wada kia, Mujh ko aik interview dena tha aur aik test clear karna tha usi k baad faisla hota k mujh ko scholarship milni hai ya nahi. Meri english bht kamzoor thi mgr jitni ati thi sahi ati thi, conversation main bhut problem tha, main nai Us say madad mang tu us nai kaha tum rozara aik ghanta mere gher par ajaya karo tu main tayari kara don ga, iss k liye mujh ko apna aik tuition chorna para aur main abh daily us k gher jane laga. aur esi doran humara 3 dafa sex howa, 2 dafa tak tu thik tha mgr mujh ko laga aur mehsoos howa k woh abh mera adi hota ja raha hai tu 3rd time par main nai us ko rokna chaha mgr woh nahi ruka aur main majboran us ka partner bana, abh mere samne 2 raste thy ya tu main us say alag ho jaon ya phir apni parhai ki khatir us ki bat manta rahon. faisla 2sra wala nikla, main nai kisi na kisi tarhan us ko oral tak mehdood rakhne ki koshish kari mgr aik week main 2-3 dafa sex hone laga tha jo mujh ko sahi nahi lag raha tha, aur main freak nahi hona chahta tha. main abhi apne future par pora tawajha rakhna chahta tha. KHUDDA KHUDDA kar ke mera interview howa aik hafta baad list aye tu main test k liye qualify kar gaya tha main khushi khushi yea bat batane us k gher gaya mgr woh gher par nahi tha us ko phone kia tu pata laga k woh doston k sath kisi hotel par hai. Hotel kiun k qarib hi tha tu socha uss say milta aur us ko batata jaon. (mere pas us tym tak mobile ya bike nahi thi) esi liye pedal chalta howa hotel tak puchancha edhr udhr dekha tu us ki gari khari hoi thi. woh hotel ka andr tha. Main hotel main ghus hi raha tha tu us ki awaz bht tezi say sunai di. woh apne doston ko bare maze say humare sex ki kahani suna raha tha. main aik dam sun ho kar reh gaya. us k dost bhi hans hans kar mera mazakh ura rahe thy,m shukr ye tha k us ne mera nam nahi bataya tha bus yehi k koi hai jo us ki aag bujha raha hai. us k doston main aik dost tha jo bar bar us say nam poch raha tha. usi tym main andar gaya, zabardasti ki muskurahat k sath sabh ko salam kia us ne mujh ko dekha tu heran howa aur pocha yar tu yahan kese, main nai us ko kaha k aik minute meri bat sun lo, main nai us ko bataya k main test k liye qualify kar gaya hon, tu us nai mujh ko tight hug kia aur kaha k aaj ki sham mere sath, main nai bht mushkil say us ko mana kia aur bojhal dil k sath tuition parhane chala gaya parhane main bhi dil na laga. kuch samjh nahi araha tha k jo dekha aur suna woh sach hai ya woh jo mere aur us k darmiyan raha. Us ne mere par bht ehsan kiye thy tu main nai bhi apni tarf say koi kami nahi chori thi. 

Raat bhr neend nahi aye, subh office bhi gaya mgr kisi kam main dil nahi lag raha tha, k woh adhamka, us ne kaha k aaj lunch mere sath. main nai foran kaha k han mujh ko tum say kuch bat karna hai. aur hu mlunch par Gulshan main mujood Usmania chale gai, khana kia khana tha mujh ko us say bat karne ka bahana chahiye tha. main nai foran hi us ko kaha k kal jo tum apne doston ko bata rahe thy kia woh sahi hai ya ye jo tum ere sath ho ye sahi hai. huamre darmiyan jo bhi howa agr woh bat room tak hi rehti tu acha tha ya abh sabh main shoor macha kar qise suna rahe ho yea acha hai? us nai meri bat suni muskuraya aur kaha " yar tujh ko kia problem hai ess tarhan tere ko aur bande mil jain gai, mera bhi Canada jane ka ho raha hai agr main chala gaya tu tujh ko kon khush rakhe ga?" main herani say us ki shakal dekh raha tha. aur dobara wohi bola "mera aik dot hai jo tujh main bht interested hai, kaho ti line connect kara don?" abh ghuse say meri halat buri thi mgr majbor tha aik tu us k ehsan oper say yeah bat, ghuse ya taklif ki wajha say meri ankhon main anso agai. aur main nai us ko saaf saf keh diya k abh agr mujh say dosti rakhni hai tu tum ko sabh ko chorna hoga aur agr sabh k sath rehna hai tu mere ko chorna hoga. us nai kaha k main baad main bataon gaa. bari mushkil say kuch khaya gaya aur hum office wapis agai.

Mere din aur raat bht mushkil main thy, aik tarf test ki tayari, dosri taarf uss ki batain main nai khud ko aik dafa phir apni tanhai main qaid kar lia, bus kam say kam. esi doran main nai mobile bhi le lia aur gher bhi shift kar k F b area main agai. apne new gher ka pata main nai offic main aur kisi ko nahi bataya. mere boss bhi mujh ko note kar rahe thy aur aksr pochte thy k beta koi problem hay tu batao. main nai kaha k nahi bus study ka pressure hai aur kuch nahi. 

Waqt guzrta gaya, aur phir test ka din ahi gaya, main apni  pori mehnat kar raha tha aur koshish thi k scholarship ka imtihan clear kar lon. mgr koi help nahi thi jo kia tha khud kia tha esi liye dar raha tha, Karachi k regent plaza hotel main imtihan hona tha 900 k qarib log thy, buht rush tha. main nai apni pori mhnt aur tawani ko sarf kar k tayari kari thi esi liye thoda confidence tha mgr dar bhi tha. koshish kar raha tha k apna khoof kisi par zahir na hone don. bht kam log bus main aye thy aksar bare gher k log thy jo drivers k sath hi aye thy. mujh ko meri jagha batai gai aur main nai imtihan de dia. 2 ghante baad test pora howa tu copy wapis kari mujh ko kaha gaya k main bahar wait karon, koi mujh say milna chahta hai. mera nahi khayal tha k aaj koi intervciew hona tha. phir bhi kiun k un logon nai kaha tha esi liye rukna para.

adha ghanta wait karne k bad mujh ko aik room main bulwaya gaya wahan 2 gore bethe thy aur 2 pakistani. mujh ko bethne ka kahay agya, interview say pehle aik sheet di gai thi jo main nai fillup kar ke de di thi. woh un k hath main thi, main bht khoof zida tha k aik gore nai mujh say bht frankly ho kar bat karna shuru kari, thori bht english agai thi main bht hi muhtat ho kar jawab dene laga, mujh say meri family, mere work, mere future aur pata nahi kia kia sawal kiye gaye, phir pocha gaya k agr mujh ko scholarship mil jati hai tu kia main scholarship k baad UK nationality k liye apply karon gaa? yea tu main nai socha hi nahi tha bus scholarship ka hi socha tha. main nai kaha k nahi, yeah faisla meri ami kare ge. esi bat par woh sab muskurae aur meri sheet par kuch remarks likhe, mujh ko aik paper diya aur kaha k next week main apna passport aur sare documents le kar british counsil ajaon. meri kuch samjh nahi araha tha, aur abh kis say pochon k akhri mere sath ho kia raha hai. Mere contact detail main main nai apna mobile numbr likhwa dia tha aur aik paros ka numbr bhi tha. 2 din baad mere paros k number per phone aya main office main tha tu ami nai mere office ka numbr dy dia mujh ko wahan phone aya k mujh ko 100% scholarship Cambridge say grant ho gai hai Main iss achanak ki khushkhabri k liye ready nahi tha k ami ka aik dafa phir phone aya k koi courier say aik lifafa dy gaya hai aur tum ne kabh scholarship ka kia kese kia foran gher ajao. main nai rote rote apne boss ko sari bat batai tu unhon nai kaha k beta mujh ko tum par faqr hai, Main apne boss k room ka Peon tha mgr woh jitni sakhti karte thy uss say ziada mhbt bhi karte thy mujh ko utha kar foran dosre logon k pas le gaye aur sabh ko mere bare main bataya pore office main sabh nai mujh ko mubarakbad di aur unhon nai apne driver say kaha k mujh ko mere gher chor aye. mujh say kaha gaya k main agle din mithai leta aon. main khushi khushi gher k liye nikla. gher puhancha tu "Woh" bhi apne aik dost k sath mera intizar kar raha tha bahar hi gari main tha. main sir ki gari say utra driver ka shukriya ada kia us ko pani ka pocha mgr woh chala gaya phir main un dono say mila aur ami mera be sabri say intizar kar rahi thi, mujh ko dekhte hi gale say lagaya aur phoot phoot kar rone lagi, abbu ka bhi phone aya aur unhon nai bhi bht dua di. behn bhi agai thi. mani ne aik hafta pehle hi apna passport bhi banaya liya tha main nai pehle namaz shukrana ada kari, ALLAH ke agai gir gira k roya aur bhik mangi k mujh ko jis tarhan yahan kamyab kia hai wese hi ane wale waqt main bhi kamyab kare, ami ne kaha k mere dost neche mera entizar kar rahe hain, Ohoo gher akar un ko tu bhol hi gaya tha, main koi badmazgi nahi chahta tha, kiun k meri iss kamyabi k peche Uss ka bhi kirdar tha. main neche aya tu undono nai mujh ko aik dafa phir mubarakbad di aur achanak meri ami say kaha k hum sath jaa rahe hain thora enjoy karain gai celeberate karain gay phir 7-8 baje tak wapis ajain gai, main chahta tha k ami mujh ko mana kar dain mgr ami ni khushi ki wajha say kaha k han jaon. jaldi ajana.

Hum log wahan say nikal kar pehle Hydri aye wahan Agha par juice piya phir main nai pocha k tum logon ko mere gher pa pata kese laga tu Uss ne kaha k yar tum mere dost ho tum nai nahi bataya tu kia howa main nai khud hi dhondh lia. Main muskura dia main pichili kisi bhi talqi ko yad nahi rakhna chahta tha. phir us ne kaha k hum log us ke dosre dost (jo us k sath tha aur pichli seat par tha) k gher chalte hain wahan thora tym guzr kar hum log sham main bahar nikle gain main nai kaha thik hai. woh larka bhi gulshan main disco bakry ki taraf rehta tha. raste main ami ka phone aya k sare khandan main bata dia hai, aur sabh log aaj hi mujh say milne aur mujh ko mubarakbad dene arahe hain. esi liye jaldi gher ajaon aur abbu bhi aaj sham arahe hain. main nai kaha k ji ami jitna jaldi ho saka ajaon gaa. Hum log uss k dost k gher main dakhil howe mahool Uss k gher jesa hi tha, sabh ko bataya k main nai kia teer mara hai sab nai hi mubarakbadd di aur hum log drawing room main baith gaye hum ko sharbat waghera diya gaya, thora dair baad us ka dost fresh hone ka keh kar apne room main gaya tu main aur Woh hi reh gai bus us ne drawingroom ko lock kia aur mujh say kaha k jane say pehle aik raat us k sath guzaron, main nai saaf mana kar dia k esa mumkin nahi. uss nai mujh ko bht force kia mgr main nahi mana. Esa nahi tha k main us k sath waqt nahi guzarna chahta tha main tu yehi chahta tha k jo bhi ho usi k sath ho mgr uss ki baton aur harkaton ki wajha say dar lagta tha, thora dair main us ka dost wapis aya tu kuch khane peene ki chezein bhi sath laya tha, main sambhal kar beth gaya, Us ny ate hi USS ki taraf dekha aur pocha k kuch baat bani uss ny inkar main sar hila diya, tu USS ka dost muskura diya. Main samjh gaya k kia batain ho rahi hain. main nai bhi khul kar bat karne ka faisla kia. 

Abh main aap ko undono k naam batane jaa raha hon, aur yeah naam main un ki ijazat say le raha hon, woh log aaj bhi meri fb par add hain, aur hum aksar chat karte hain. Mere old frnd ka Naam Asif Tha aur uss k dost ka Naam Atif. ji haan Atif, aur yehi naam har dafa meri zindagi main aya aur jabh bhi aya aik tofan le kar aya aur mujh say mera sabh kuch chin kar le gaya, Naam aik tha mgr loog alag alag, Mujh ko ess ATif say koi shikayat nahi thi kiun k jitna us ko pata laga tha uss k baad koi bhi ho excited ho jata. Phir mere samne un dono nai khoob jam kar sex kia, aik ghanta tak karte rahe aur main sirf dekhta hi raha, darmiyan main kafi dafa kaha gaya k main un dono ko join kar lon mgr main sirf majboran hi wahan betha rha. Dil tu chah raha tha k uth kar chala jaon mgr main abhi etna mature nahi howa tha k jo scho wohi kar sakon. Jab woh dono farig howe tu unhon nai aik dafa phir mujh ko offer kari k main un dono k liye top ka role play karon mgr main nai mana kar dia aur Asif say kaha k mujh ko gher chor do mehrbani hogi. mere dimagh main bht shadeed dard ho raha tha, pora jism sunn tha k koi insan apni hawis k liye iss had tak bhi jaa sakta hai. Shayad un ko meri halat par taras agaya aur woh dono ready ho gai k mujh ko gher chor dain. raste main main bilkul chup raha aur yehi dua karta raha k jitna jaldi mumkin ho Pakistan say chala jaon. un dono nai mujh ko mere gher chora aur main bojhal qadmon k sath apne gher k andar agaya, halat esi thi k main nai un dono ko good bye tak na kia.

Oper aya tu kuch log achuke thy, main ami say shower lene ka keh kar shower lene chala gaya aur dair tak shower k neche beth kar rota raha, yeah anso kis liye thy samjh nahi araha tha, mgr esa lag raha tha k jese mujh sai koi bht qeemti cheez chin li gai ho. mujh ko aik sahare ki zaroorat thi jo mujh ko sambhalta nahi tu meri esi hi halat rehti tu ami ne pareshan ho jana tha aur mujh ko abhi jane ki tayari bhi karni thi. 

main bht himat kar k bahar nikla, change kia aur sabh main zabardsti ghulne milne laga. batain karne laga, mera cozin Bilal bhi agaya aur sabh say ziada wohi excited tha aur keh raha tha k yar mujh ko bata dete tu main bhi tumhare sath hi apply kar deta, tu main nai kaha k yar tumhari metric kitne numbers ki hai tu uss k B grad tha tu main nai kaha next term k liye apply kardo jo main nai kia woh tum ko bata don gaa. Bilal ne kaha thik hai. Mujh ko abh bilal main apna dost nazr ane laga. main sochna nahi chahta tha mgr soch mujh ko usi ki taraf le ja rahi thi, Bilal khud bhi bht sharp mind tha raat k khane k bad jabh sab rukqsat hone lage tu Bilal ne phuphu say kaha k main yahan ruk raha hon aur mujh say kuch batain karon gaa guidline lon ga aur subh gher wapis ajaon, ga, mujh ko pata nahi kiun uss ka rukna acha laga. main aur bilal hawa khane k bahane gher say bahar nikle, tu muhale ka aik larka jo abh mera behnoi ban chuka hai sath agaya us nai bhi mere sath inter kia tha mge D grad say. meri bus salam dua thi. hum log chalte chalte Cafe Piyala tak agai aur wahan akar hum nai tea pee. main thora relex mehsoos kar raha tha k usi tym mere mobile par aik unknown number say call aye main nai rec nahi kari tu txt aya k Em Atif please take my call. main aik tarf uth kar gaya aur khud hi us ko call kar dali. rasman bat hone k bada us ne mujh say kaha k main Asif say door chala jaon aur us ka sochon bhi nahi kiun k abh ASif mera hai, main nai kaha k aaj jo howa us k bad abh mere aur Asif k darmiyan kuch bhi nahi raha. aur esi arhan bat khatm ho gai. 

main kuch halka ho gaya tha, wapis aya tu Muhalee ka larka cigerate jala raha tha sath hi bilal bhi jala raha tha, Bilal ne mujh ko bhi offer kari aur main nai kuch bhi soche bagher aik cigerate le li, phir jabh pehla kash lagaya tu ankhon say dhowan nikal gaya. mgr main pee raha tha. woh meri pehli cigerate thi. log kehte hain k relex hota hai aftr smoking magr mere sath esa kuch nahi howa main tu ulta aur tension main agaya, pora aik jag say kuli karta raham shahi suppari aur jane kia kia khaya, bar bar hath dhowe aur jan bokh kar late gher gaya k ami k samna na ho. 

gher aya tu sab hi ja chuke thy dosre kamre main humara bistr laga howa tha. main aur bilal sath hi baith gae. us ne mujh ko internet ka bataya tu main nai kaha k yar jane say pehle mujh ko kuch sikha dena phir main internet say rabite main rahon gaa, kiun k wahan ja kar mujh ko 2 hours ki job karni hai gher bhi kuch bhejna hai aur apna oper ka kharcha bhi uthana hai. us ne wada kia k woh mujh ko zaroor sikhae gaa. main uss say hath milaya aur hum sone k liye let gaie.......

My first hook-up (in Roman Urdu)

Jabh apni kahani likhna shuru kari tu yadon ke darice khulte chale gae, aur main apni sochon ke mehwar main doobta chala gaya, hosh jab aya jab aik mohsin nai phone kia aur text messages kiye kai main aisa na karon khud ko logon kay samne na open karon.

Main nai socha kai aisa kuch na karon mgr phir khayal aya kai nahi, agr mai nai aisa na kia tu apni mout aap hi mar jaon gaa.

“Koi hamdard hai na koi masiha. Akhir kis say apne dil ki bat kahon? Koi hai jo mujh ko samjhe?

Zindagi bhar dosron ko samjhte ar dosron ki marzi ke hisab say jete guzri hai aur aaj jabh main nai apna haq manga tu sirf zilat, ruswai, badnami, bewafai aur tanhai mere hisse main aye….

“Zindagi bojh ban gae Galib,

Hum tu iss jene k hathon mar chale.”

Tu main tha apne makan malik ke sath guzre howe lamhat par. Mere makan malik ki omr koi 40-45 ke darmyan hogi, PIA main job karte thy, begum bhi thi aur meri umr ke 2 bete bhi thy mgr phir bhi niyat kharab. Main dil pasheman, apne gher per agaya tha, jo pese mile thy us say form jama karaya fe ada ki aur baqi pese aik taraf utha kar rakh diye, meri adapt thi k aik dairy likha karta tha jis main roz hone wali koi na koi khas baat zaroor likhta tha, (baad main dairy likhna chor di thi, wajha ka zikr ane wale safhat main karon gaa).

Ammi mujh ko pareshan dekhti thi tu pochti thi k kia baat hai koi masla hai tu mujh ko batao. Mgr main hamesha taal deta tha k bus study ya daftr ka koi mamala hai hal ho jana hai.

Ahista ahista din guzrte gaye, main apne imtihanat ki tayari main lag gaya, isi doran jahan main nokri karta tha wahan aik larka (aaj kal Canada ya USA main hai) ne mujh say dosti barhana shuru kari, who larka kuch achi shuhrat nahi rakhta tha, ulte sedhe kam karma, nasha karna us ka kaam tha, late night gher jana aur dair tak awara gardi karna us ka mashghala tha. Main nai aik fasle say us say salam dua karna shuru kari, aik din us ne mujh ko kaha ke mere sath lunch par chalo, main nai kaha k main tu apna lunch sath hi lata hon (lunchsath nahi lata tha jhoot bola tha, kiun k hum sirf subh ka nashta ar raat ka khaa khate thy). Uss neb ht zid kari aur kaa k sirf main aur tum ja rahe hain aur gulshan main hi mojood Piza hut par jain gay. Main nai 2 baje ka tym rakh lia. Who Suzuki VXR main ata ta, main nai apne boss say kaha k aaj lunch karne bahar jar aha hon 40-45 minutes main wapis ajaon ga. Tu bos ne ijazat day dali. Main us ke sath nikal para, hum pizza hut gay, wahan who apni batain hi karta raha aur after lunch us ne sirf aik hi bat kahi, “mujh ko sahara chahiye, kia tum mera sahara bano gay?” main nai pocha “kesa sahara?” us nai kaha kay zindagi main aik dost ki kami hai tym pass bht hain gr dost nahi, main apna future banana chahta hon, in sab dhadhon say bahar nikalna chata hon mgr koi rasta nazr nahi araha.” Main nai kaha main kia kar sakta hon, main khud apni pareshaniun main ulkjha howa hon, us nai kaha k hum join study karain gay, aur ziada say ziada tym aik dosre k sath guzre gay na mujh ko fursat hogi na hi main awara gardi karon ga. Main nai kush soch kar kaha k theek hai.

Uss din ke bad say aik hafta tak meri us larke say koi mulaqat nahi hoi. Main nai bhi kch ziada serious nahi lia aur apne kamon main ashghool raha. Aik din shaam main jab main noukri say farig ho kar ar tuition parha kar apne gher puhanca tu who larka pehle say mere ghr k bus stop par khara howa tha. Main nai heran ho kar pocha, “tum yahan kia kar rahe ho’? us ne koi jawab nahi diya aur muskura diya, meri kuch samjh nahi araha tha ke main kia karon> is larke ko gher lejana munasib nahi ami bht ghussa hongi (ami hamesha kisi ko bhi gher tak lane say mana karti thi). Majboran hum aik tea hotel par baith gai. Mera budgt bht limited howa karta tha us par is tarhan kifazol kharchi ki mujh ko ijazat nahi thi. Phir bhi hum beth gai, us nai mujh ko kuch books din ar kaa k yar mere 2 assigment bana do aur chahao tu is k pese le lo, pehle tu mujh ko bht ghusa aa mgr thora dair baad main nai hami bhr li filhal is  say jan churana zaroori hai baad ki baad main dekhi jae ge.

Uss nai mujh ko 2 assigment ke hazar 1000/= dene ka kaha aur 500/= in advance day gaya aur sath ye bhi kaha k yeah kam karna chaho tu main aur le aon gaa. “Yeah tu achi khasi kamai ka rasta hai,” yehi soch kar main nai us ko kaha k haan haan kiun nahi le ana main bana don gaa.

Iss tarhan aik aur nokri shuru, college k larkon ke asigment bana kar dena shuru kia tu mere hath main izafi raqm bhi ana shuru ho gai.

6 month ke baad mere pas 25 hazar ki raqm jama ho gait hi, abh samjh main yea nahi araha tha keh iss raqm ka kia karon? Ami ko kia bataon? Kese kharch karon? Agr kharch karta tu ami ko pata lag jata aura mi meri jan ko aik mushkil main dal deti. Sach bolta tu thik thaak batain sune aur mar parne ke sath sath be izati ka bhi khatra tha.

Main nai who raqm samhal kar rakhi. Humare porane makan malik say jo pese liye thy who dene un ki taraf gaya tu paa laga ke who log gher bech kar Lahore shift ho gaye hain (shayad un ki posting wahan ho gai hogi) main nai dil main socha k “shukr jan chooti, dobara milte tu jane phir say wohi karte” phir bhi main nai un ki behn k gher say un ka Lahore ka address liya ar un say li hoi raqm ko money order kar dia.

Isi doran mere imtihan shuru ho gae, aur sath hi sath meri aik sis ki shadi ki tayari bhi, ami nai aik rishta daikh kar foran hi shadi ka faisla kar lia tha. Kuch ami nai jama ka thakuch amiqarz le rahi thi. Main nai bhi is mouqe ko ghanimat jante howe ami ko kaha k main nai bhi kuch pese jama kiye hain aap who bhi mila lain shadi ke kharche main. Ami nai kuch soch kar kaha k kitne pese hain main nai sari raqm ami k hath main rakh di (raqm 45 hazar ho chuki thi). Ami nai jabh gini tu aik jhatke say khari ho gai aur mujh ko qasmain de de kar pochne lagi k kaha say arahi hai ye raqm? Konsa ghlt kaam shuru kia hai, main itne salon main 10 hazar nahi jama kar saki hon tu nai etni bari raqm kese jama kar li. Main nai ami ko bht samjhaya mgr who sirf sach hi sunna chahti thi. Main nai himat kar kea mi ko sach suna hi dia ke main logon k assignment banata hon, un ki jaga papar deta hon blah blah. Ami ki ankho say anso nikal aye.

Us tym mujh ko kuch samjh nahi aya aur main ghr say bahar nikal gaya. Mere pas mobile nahi tha nahi tu usi tym us larke ko bola kar ami ka samna karwa deta. Mgr esa kuch nahi howa. Main nai apne daftr say aik hafte ki chutiyan li aur behn kishadi ki tayariun main lag gaya. Meri pori koshish thi k koi kami na rahe, jahan jahan meri zaroorat hoti main bhag bhag kar agai barhta aur kam karta, mgr amihar kam apne hath say aur khud karma chahti thi. Main nai apne daftr k kuch logon ko bhi shadi kid wt di thi aur us larke ko bhi di thi. Who larka mehndi wale din aya tu us ki shan dekh kar hum sab heran reh gae thy, us ke kapre, gateup sabh kuch awesome tha. Aik lame ko main nai socha “yar main lucky hon jo etna handsome larka mera dost hai” phir khud hi sharam ane lagi k yea main kia soch raha hon. Mera larkon main interest zaroor tha mgr sirf makan malik wale event ke elawa abhi tak kuch aisa nahi hoi tha jis par mujh ko sharmindagi ho. Haan kabhi kabhi masturbation kar lia karta tha.

Esi sahdi ke chakar main pata nahi kon kon say rishte dar peda hona shuru ho gai, aik phuphu nikal aye, ail taya aur 2 mamoon. Sari umr tu kisi ko na dekha aur aaj sabh a gaia aura a kia gae dharna de kar gher main baith hi gae, main ami ki khushi ko dekh raha tha isi liye na ami say kuch kaa naa hi kisi aur say. .

Us larke nai bhi daily ana shuru kar dia us k pas gari thi esi liye mujh ko bht saholat thi. Khudda khudda kar ke barat tak ki rasomat pori hoi, bhn apne ghr ki hoi aur sirf valima reh gaya jo after 3 days tha. Main nai ami say kaha k abh in barsati mendkon ko rawana karain ya humara pora rashin khtm kar k hi jain gay, pata nahi kaha say peda ho gai yea sab pehle tu koi pochne tak ko nahi aya. Ami ne ghusse say meri tarf dekha aur kaha k mehman tu ALLAH ki trf say ate hain tum ko kia pareshani hai apna rizq le kar aye hain aur jab khtm hoga chale jai ge.

Main kiun k bht thak chukka tha isi liye socha k main aik din rest karne kisi k ghr chala jaon mgr samjh nahi araha tha k kis k ghr? Who larka pata nahi kese mere dil ki batain parh lia karta tha. Us ne khud hi kaha k aaj rat tum mere sath chalo subh ajain gai, humare gher main wese bhi sahi say letne ki jaga nahi thi, 2 room thy aur aik bara sa sehn hum sare larke sehn main hi leta karte thy jahan neend ka ana mushkil tha mere liye.

Main nai ami say ijazat mangi tu ami nai foran ijazat day di ar us larke ka numr le lia k agr koi zarorat hoi tu fone kar dain ge. Hum log us ki gari main baith kar apne ilaqe say bahar aa gai, ss larke ne kuch ziada hi mera sth dia tha. Wajha kia thi main yehi soch raha tha, humari dosti koi itni khas nahi thi bus who mere liye assignment laya karrta tha ya admit card jin ki jaga mujh ko imtihan dena hota tha ar meri raqm mere hath main buss. Mgr yeah etna qarib kiun araha hai. Mujh ko soch main dekh kar us ne khud hi bola, “kia soch rahe ho jigr?” main nai kaha “nahi kuch nahi” us ne kaha k agr kaho tu kahi beth kar ek cup tea pelete hain. Main nai kaha han zaroor aur hum nagan chowrangi ke aik hotel par baith gai, “Hum log north Karachi main rehte thy aur who larka gulshan main kahi, us tym tk main nai us ka ghr nahi dekha tha.” Hum nai tea khtm kari, us nai pora tym koshish kari k free hota rahe mgr main apni hi soch ka banda hon, zaroorat say ziada kisi k qarib nahi jata na kisi ko ane deta hon. Mgr us tym mujh ko laga k yeah larka mera best frnd ho sakta hai. Main nai bhi uss k sath hansi mazak main dena shuru kar dia. Hum logon ne tea pi aur us k ghr ki taraf nikal pare, raste main gulshan k bridg par us ne gari roki aur mujh ko gari main bethe rehne ka bol kar kuch lene chala gaya, thoda dair bad aya tu us k hath main 2 shoper thy aik main burger aur dosre main pata nahi kia.

Wahan say us ne apni gari gulshan chowrangi ki taraf nikali aur thoda hi dair main hum uss k ghr pe thy. Gher par us kiami, behnain aur bhai aur dad thy, main nai bht adab k sath sab ko salam kia aur un ki ami nai khane ka pocha tu main nai mana kar dia us nai kaha k agr bhook lage gi tu room main manwa lon gaa. Mujh ko un k gher ka mahool kuch ajib sa laga, sab apne apne main magn thy, esa lag raha tha main kisi hotel main agaya hon aur hum sab alag alag guest hain. Kher mujh ko kia karma tha, main us ke sath us k room main agaya, us ne room main ate hi dono shoper ko aik tarf rakha aur kaha tum shower le lo phir main le kar fresh ho jata hon, mgr main tu apne sath koi dosra kapra laya hi nahi tha. Us ne apna aik short aur t shirt mujh ko dete howe kaha k shower le kar ye pehen lea. Main nai han main han milai, aur bathroom main gus gaya. Thora dair main naha kar bahar nikla tu us ki ami wahan thi ar mujh say pocha k beta kisi bhi cheez ki zaroorat ho tu batana iss ghr koapna hi ghr samjho. Main nai muskura k kaha ji bilkul.

Phir who shower lene chala gaya. Us ka room full of luxuries tha. A/C, king size bed. PC, 32’’ ka tv. Wardrobe bht hi stylish room tha. Jitna saman sirf us k room main tha uss ka adha hi shayad mere ghr main hoga.  Main yehi sochte howe bed per leta aur jane kb kikab main ankh lag gae. Meri kisiahat par meri ankh khuli tu who tv pe koi movie dekh raha tha night bulb on tha aur awaz bht slow thi. S ke hath main glass tha aur glass main sharab thi. Main nai kuch gar bar mehsoos hote hi uth kar betha aur kaha yeah tum kia kar rahe ho? Apne gher main baith kar? Uss ne kaha tumahre liye yeah sab naya hai mere liye nahi. Just chil. Hir us ne cigeret jalai, aur mujh ko offer kari main nai mana kar dia. Us ka yeah roop mere liye bilkul naya tha. Mmain nai us ko bht samjhane ki koshish kari mgr who nashe main tha kuch nahi sun raha tha. Raat ki wajha say na main kahi ja sakta tha aur na hi ziada zoor say bat kar sakta tha. Us ne aik aur glas baaya tu main uth kar khara ho gaya aur pata nahi kiun main nai uss say who glass chin lia, who bhi chonk kar khara howa, ark aha :come on yar, kuch nahi hota, main nai kaha nahi yeh glt hai, tum esa nahi kar sakte, tum bht lucky ho sari saholat hai tumhare pass hir ye sharab ye ayashi kiun? Uss ne kaha k adapt ho gai hai nahi peo gat u beemar ho jaon ga, main nai bhi kuch soche samjhebagr kaha k main tum ko kuch nahi hone don gaa. Us ne kaha soch lo, main nai kaha soch lia aur phir us ke baad us ne jo kia who bilkul achanak aur tezi say howa tha. Us ne meri kamar ko aik jhatke say pakra aur apne honto mere honto par laga diye, ar mere honto ko chosne laga main nai bht koshish kari k khud ko uss say alg karon mgr nahi kar saka who gym fit tha main slim aur esi kisi harkat k liye bilkul tayar nahi tha. Thora dair bad us ne khud ko mujh say alag kia ar kaa k tm so jao es say pehle ka kuch aur ho jae, main nai ghuse main us k moun par aik thapar mara tu who aik taraf baith gaya.

Phir us ne jo kaha who aik esi haqeeqat thi jis say inkar karma khud mere liye bhi mukin nahi tha,

Us e kaha “main aik GAY hon, aur unable for sex bhi, apnea p kop or tarhan khatm kar chukka  hon, mujh main sex ke chaht tu hai magr kuch kar nahi pata, 13 saal ki umr say sex kar raha hon aur abh end ho chukka hon, mgr hawis khtm nahi hoti, esi liye peeta on, awara gardi karta hon aur thak har k ghr ata hon tu su jata hon.”

Main nai us ka hath apne hathon main pakra aur kaha k tum bilkul sahi ho, dashing ho, sart ho, gym fit ho aur baqi ki jo kami hai who bhi khtm ho jae gee. Us ne kaha k main tumhari kandhe par sar rakh kar sona chata hon. Main nai kaha zaroor, raat k 3 baje ka tym tha. Us ka sar mere kadhe par who shayad su gaya tha gr main jag raha tha hazar sawal mere dimagh main thy, main bhi soch raha tha k main iss ko bata do ka shayad main bhi aik gay hon. Fesla wqt per chor kar main bhi sone ki koshish karne laga. Subh 8 baje mmeri ankh khui tu who su raha tha main jaldi jaldi uth kar washroom gaya fresh howa, room main bikhri hoi chezon ki sameta aur us ko uthae laga k mujh ko ghr chor aye ya mujh ko ijazat day, s neb hi uth kar foran shower lia, raat wali baton per excuse kia aur hum nneche aa gai, niche khane ki table par nasta ready tha mgr gher ka koi frd nazr nahi araha tha, main nai jaldi jaldi tea pe us nebhi tea k sath aik slice lia aur hum us ki gari main mere gher ane k lie nikal pare.

Mere gher akar us ne kaha k main jar aha hon sham main chakar lagaon gaa, tu usi tym ami ne bazaar ka koi kam kaha tu who ruk gaya main aik dafa phir us k sath nikal para, valima ki rsm k liye kuch saman lena tha jo liaqatabad aur sadar say milna tha, sara din hi guzr gaya, main pichli rat bhi sahi say aram nahi kar aska tha aur aaj bhi thak gaya tha, kal valima tha, mere kapre abhi tak nahi aye thy. Us ne ami say kaha k hum log tariq road jaa rahe hain jese kapre ye le ga wese hi main le lon gaa. Ami nai kaa thik hai aur agr raat ziada ho jae tug hr nahi ana wahi “(us k ghr ruk jana).

Us ne kaha k thik hai, mgr main abh us k gher ruka nahi chahta tha, pata nahi kiun mujh ko us k ghr main bht ghutan mehsoos hoi thi. Sabh kuch tha mgrkuch na kuch gar bar thi. Main nai us k sath tariq road say aik 2 piece suite lia aur us ko kaha k mujh ko ghr chor day tu who zid karne laga k aaj ruk jao ami ko keh do k late ho rahe hain mujh ko tum say bht batain karni hain. Main nai na mana mgr us ki zid aur zabrdasti k agai nahi ruk saka. Aur kaha k thik hai keh du ami ko, us nai ami say hot kaha k gari kharab ho gai hai aur hum ko late ho rahi hai hum subh ajai gay.

Hum raat 11 baje us k ghr main ghuse, us ki ami nai pehle ki tarhan welcome kia wohi rasmi jumle ada kiye aur apne apne rom main chale gai. Main bhi us k sath us k room main agaya. Dekha tu uss ke last night wali sharab ki bottle us k room fridg main pari hoi thi aur sath hi khane ki troly bhi thi, “iss ka mutlab is k ghr walon ko pata hai k yeah sharab peta hai mgr koi kuch kehta kiun nahi?” agr main ghalti say bhi cigerate ko pakar lon tu ami mar mar k mera bhurkas bana dain. “shayad elite class main esa hi hota ho? Yehi soch kar main chup raha”

Us nai sharab ko bottle nikali main samjha k aaj ye phir piye gaa mgr us ne sari sahrab bathroom main ja kar phaink dali aur mujh say kaha agr tum mere sath ho tu aaj k bad say yeah sharab peena band. Main khushi say utha ar us ko gale laga lia, meri ankhon main anso thy, pehli dafa kisi ne mujh ko meri ihmiyat ka ehsas dilaya tha. Main aikajib say ehsas main tha, hawaon main urh raha tha, k koi hai jis ne mujh ko itni ihmiyat di, main nai shower lia, aur pichli raat ki tarhan bed par agaya, us neb hi shower lia phir hum nai mil kar thora khana khaya us ne aik movie lagai aur mere sath bed par let gaya. Main kiun kbht thaka howa tha pata nahi kabh ki kab main ankh lag gai. Pichli rat ki tarhan meri ankh khulil tu us k hont meri grdn par thy aur hath mere sene par ghom rahe thy, thora dair anjan para raha mgr jabh kch ziada hone laga tu main nai us ko kaha ye kia ho raha hai, us ne kaha tumhare ko mehsoos kar raha hon, kuch soch kar main nai us ko karne dia mgr who aik dam say jazbati ho gaya aur phir meri zindagi ki pehli raat jis ko kabhi nahi bhool sakta shuru hoi,

Main nai bhi uss k jism par hath pherna shuru kia iss asy pehle airf makan malik naikia tha who bhi aik majbori thi aur job hi howa tha unhon nai hi kia tha mgr ye mera pehla tym tha isi liye ghabrahat bhi ho rahi thi, shrm bhi arahi thi aur dar bhi lag raha tha. Main kisi bhi had ko paar nahi karma chahta tha mgr who, har had ko torna chahta tha, romance howa aur bht howa, hum dono nai aik dosre ki jimson ko apni honto aur zaban say gila kar dia us ke baad us ne meri sucking kari pehle dafa ka ehsas alag hi hota hai apna nasha hota hai. Deep throat sucking ka apna hi maza tha. Mujh ko mehsoos howa k main farig hone wala hon tu us ko rokne ki koshish kari magr who nahi ruka aur jabh tak meri cum ka akhri khatra tak na us k halaq say utra us ne mera dick apni moun say nahi nikala, mujh ko ye ajib sa laga, mujhe laga k abh mujh ko bhi aisa hi kara hoga, gr us ka dick active nahi tha. Main nai koshish kari tu us nai rok dia us nai kaha “tumhare honto ki jagah yahan nahi mmere honto hain, phir main nai us ski lip kissing kari, phir us ne mujh ko deep kissing kari, yeh bhifirst tym tha jabh kisi ki zaban mere moun main thi aur main aik ajib say saroor aur nashe main ta. Thora dair baad main aik dafa fir say ful tym active ho gaya tu who bht khush howa, us ne meri grdn par aik kis kartehowe kaha, aaj tum who karo jo main chahta hon, main nai kaha sabh kuch tu ho gaya us ne kaha nahi, meri aag nahi bujhi. Main nai kaha aur kia? Tu us nai kaha bus mujh ko rokna nahi, main chup ho gaya. Us ne aik dafa fir mere jism ko chatna shuru kia, mathe say le kar mere pair tak, hath, seena, belly, sabh kuch hi chataaa… ar aisa chata k main madhoosh hne alga, usi tym uss ne meri aik dafa phir say sucking kari aur jabh main bht ziada hot ho gaya tu uss nai kkaha k sedha lait jaon main sedha leta tu us ne dressing table say aik cream uthai mere dick par lagai aur phir mere dick par bethna shuru kar dia. Jese jese mera dick us k andar jaa raha tha aik garmi ka ehsas ho raha tha, jabh pora dick us ki as main chala gaya tu who thora dair ruka aur mere ko kis karne laga. Thora dair bat uss nai mere dick par riding shuru kar, main hawaon main urh raha tha. Kch hosh nahi tha. Thora dair baad who utha main bhi utha aur us ke kuch kahe bagair us ko lita kar us ki tangain uthain aur apna dick us ke ass main dala aur fucking shuru hoi, iss tarhan kabhi dogy style main kabhi up leg kabhi under body har style main fuck kara, jabh mujh ko ehsas howa k main aik dafa pfir say farig hone wala hon tu ss nai kaha k yeah cum ya tu mere moun main nikalo ya meri ass main. Main nai kaha jesa tum behtr samjho. Us nai tissue say mera dick saf kia aur deep sucking shuru kari. Aur main nashili awazin nikalta howa aik dafa phir us ka moun main hi farig ho gaya, uss ne aik dafa phir meri sari cum ko pee lia. Yea mere lie naya tha. Main thak k bistr par gir gaya, pehli dafa ka sex who bhi 2 tym. Mmgr in dono dafa main aik bhi tym uss main ercition nahi hoi thi who ful tym hot tha, balke wild ho gaya tha mgr dick main eriction nahi thi, shayad esi bat ka zikr us ne pichli raat kia tha. Who bhi bister per lait gaya. Thora dair baad main nai tym dekha tu 4 baj rahe thy. Main nai shower lee ka kaha tu us ne kaha sath hi shower lete hain, hum dono hai washroom main agai, aur shower lene lage, shower lete lete aik dafa fir say us ka dimagh kharb hona shuru howa main already bht thak chukka tha, mgr ussk agai jetna ya us ko rokna bht mushkil tha, es dafa hum ne shower sex kia aur main kafi dair baad discharge howa mgr iss k bad na hi mujh main khara hone ki himat thin a hi kuch aur karne ki, bht bora hal ho chukka tha. Main nai bus short pehna aur bistr par akar gira, us nai aik energy drink nikala aur mujh ko pene k liye dia main nai who piya kuch weafers khae aur bister par gir para aur su gaya, hosh aya tu subh k 11 baj chuke thy aur who mujh ko utha raha tha, mere uthne say pehle who fresh ho kar tayar ho chukka tha. Mgr mujh main abhi tak neend bhari hoi thi aur thakan bhi. Aik aur raat thak kar hi guzari, main nai himat kar k utha.  

یہ ہے میری کہانی 1

میں کون   ہوں؟ کیا ہوں؟ کیوں ہوں؟    سوال میرے سامنے شدت  کھڑے ہوے  ہیں.

آج  زندگی مجھ کو ایک ایسے موڑ پر لے آئ  ہے جہاں نہ مجھ کو میرا پتا ہے نہ اپنی ذات کا.

پہلے میں اپنی  ڈائری لکھا کرتا تھا مگر ایک دن میرے گھر والوں نے پڑھ لی آج ہمت کر کے بلاگ لکھنے  بیٹھا ہوں،کیوں کہ ابہ اور ہمت نہیں خود کو سمبھالنے کی، خود کو جوڑ کر سمیٹ  کر رکھنے کی. ایک ہفتے سے میرا دل بیٹھا جا رہا ہے. دل اور دماغ ایک  بات کہتے ہیں "مجھ کو جینے کا حق نہیں،مجھ کو مر جانا چاہیے." مگر کیوں؟  اس لئے کے مجھ سے منافقت نہیں ہوتی؟  جھوٹ نہیں کہا جاتا؟ دھوکہ نہیں جاتا؟ میں اپنی پوری کوشش کے بعد بھی  گھر والوں کو نہیں سمجھ سکا  شاید میرے گھر والے مجھ کو نہیں سمجھ سکے، جن کو  دوست  سمجھا  سب ہی ہوس  دولت کے پجاری نکلے.  کسی نے دوست  کر لوٹا تو کسی نے  بن کے دھوکہ دیا. آج امر کے ٣٠ برس پورے ہونے پر جب اپنے ہاتھوں کی طرف دیکھتا  تو ہمیشہ کی ترہان بلکل خالی نظر آتے ہیں. . .
میری پیدائش ایک غریب گھرانے میں ہوئی جہاں ایک وقت کے کھانے کے بعد دوسرے   کے کھانے کا کچھ پتا نہیں ہوتا تھا، مکان کا کرایہ ہمیشہ چڑھا رہتا تھا.مکان مالک جب بھی کرایہ لینے آتا امی سے بہت بدتمیزی سے پیش آتا، ابا دوسری شادی کر کے اس نام کے  ابّا رہ گئے تھے. امی محلے کے بچوں کو قرآ ن پاک پڑھا کر گھر کا خرچہ چلایا کرتی تھی. پھر بھی امی  مجھ کو اور بھائی  کو ایک سرکاری سکول میں پڑھا رہی تھی. بس خدا خدا کر کے دن گزر رہے تھے. ابا کبھی کبھی آتے اور ایک معمولی سی رقم امی کے ہاتھ میں رکھ کر چلے جاتے، اس وقت امی اور ابا کی بہت لڑائی ہوتی تو ہم دبک کر ایک طرف بیٹھ جاتے. چھوٹا بھائی   حالت کو سمجھ نہیں سکا اور جب بھی امی غیر سے باہر پڑھانے جاتی محلے کے آوارہ اور بدنام لڑکوں کی سنگت میں بیٹھ جاتا اور سارا سارا دن  گھر سے بہار رہتا. میں بہت ڈرپوک تھا، پھر امی کا سہارا بننا چاہتا تھا، گھر کی سری ذمہ داری مجھ پر تھی، چوٹی بہنوں کا خیال
رکھنا ان کو وقت پر کھانا دینا، سکول بھیجنا گھر کی صفائی وغیرہ سب کچھ میرے ہی ذمہ تھا. اور میں اپنی پوری کوشش کرتا تھا کہ جب امی تھک کے گھر ہے تو ان کو گھر کا کوئی کام نہ کرنا پڑے، اور وہ اپنے بچوں کو دیکھ کر خوش ہو جائیں. انہی حالات میں میٹرک کا امتحان ایک سرکاری سکول سے پاس کیا. میرے نمبر بہت اچھے تھے سوچا کے آگئی جا کر کوئی اچھی فیلڈ کا انتخاب کروں گا، مگر گھر کے حالت کی وجہہ سے آگئی پڑھنا مشکل لگ رہا تھا. ادھر امی نے بھی اشارہ کر دیا تھا کے بتا میں اتنا ہی پڑھا سکتی تھی ابہ اگر آگئی پڑھنا ہو تو خود سے کوشش کرو اور میرا بھی گھر میں ہاتھ بٹاؤ. میں  نی ایک سکول میں ٹیچنگ شرو کردی جس کے اس وقت ٣٥٠ روپے ملا کرتے تھے، ساتھ ہی کچھ بچوں کو گھر میں پڑھانا شروع کیا جس سے ماہانہ ١٥٠٠ کی آمدنی شرو ہوئی. میں نی وفاقی اردو کالج میں داخلہ لیا اور آگے کی پڑھائی شروع کری. اسی دوران امی کی طبیت بہت خراب رہنے لگی اور اب وہ سہی سے کام نہیں کر سکتی تھی. اس گھر میں کپڑے سی کر اور کچھ بچوں کو پڑھا کر گھر کا خرچہ پورا کرنے کی کوشش کر رہی تھی. ایک انسان  صاحب کی مدد سے مجھ کو ایک تعلیمی ادارے میں چپراسی کی  مل گئی تھی جس سے گھر کے خرچے کو چلانے میں بہت مدد مل رہی تھی. میں نی اپنے تعلیمی سفر کو  بغیر جاری رکھنے کا فیصلہ کیا اور انٹر کرنے کے بعد مزید تعلم حاصل کرنے لگ. مگر میرے گھر والوں کو بلکل علم نہیں تھا کہ میں کیا کر رہا ہو. میں نے کچھ بچوں کو گھروں پر جا کر پڑھانا شروع  کیا جس   آمدنی میں اور اضافہ ہوا.
زندگی کچھ   انداز میں گزرنے لگی. مجھ کو اپنے تعلیمی  پورے کرنا مشکل ہو رہے تھے جس کے لئے میں نی اپنے کچھ دوستوں سے مددد م، کچھ دفتر کے لوگوں کے آگے ہاتھ پھیلایا مگر کوئی کام نہ آیا اگر میں وقت پر فارم جما نہیں کرتا تو میرا ایک سال کا نقصان ہوتا. جو میں اور میرے حالت برداشت نہیں کر سکتے تھے. میں اپنے پورانے مکان ملک کے گھر گیا جنہوں نی مجھ کو کہا تھا کے اگر کبھی بھی تعلیمی مدد کی ضرورت ہو تو میرے پاس ضرور آنا. انہوں نے مدد دینے کا وداع تو ضرور کیا مگر اس کے لئے جو کام کہا میں نے اس کا سوچا تک نہیں تھا. میں اس وقت تو بوجھل دل کے ساتھ گھر واپس آگیا مگر حاضر سوال میرے دماغ میں تھے کے انہوں نے ایسا کیوں کہا؟ ٢ دیں گزر جانے کے بعد جب میرے پاس کوئی  راستہ نہیں تھا تو میں دل پر پتھر رکھ کر ان کے پاس گیا، انہوں نے مجھ کو اپنے کمرےمیں بولیا اور کہا کے بیٹا  میں تو کب سے انتظار کر رہا تھا.  وہ جو کچھ کر سکتے تھے کیا، اس بات کا احساس کے بغیر کے میرا کیا حال ہو رہا ہے، میں تکلیف میں ہوں،  اور کتنے آنسوں آنکھوں سے نکل  چکے ہیں.
ایک  بات اور، جانے انجانے میں بچپن سے ہی مجھ کو لڑکوں سے دوستی کرنے کا شوق تھا، لڑکوں کے ساتھ اٹھنا ان کے ساتھ وقت گزرنا اور شاید ان کے ساتھ حد سے گزر جانے کا شوق بھی. مگر کبھی ایسا نہیں سوچا تھا کہ اچانک یہ سب بھی ہونا ہے کے  ایک مجبوری مجھ کو ایسے موڑ  پر لا کر کھڑا کر دے گی. انہوں نے مجھ کو میرے فارم کے پیسے ٢٠٠ روپے زیادہ دے اور کہا کے جب بھی ضرورت ہو آجانا بس میرا کہنا ماننا  ہوگا.  میں سر جھکا کر گھر واپس آگیا، امی کہی گئی ہوئی تھی، گھر پی کوئی نہیں تھا میں نہانے گیا اور دیر تک نہاتا رہا اور روتا رہا...

آج کے لئے اتنا ہی، ابھی بہت کچھ لکھنا باقی ہے . . . کوشش کروں گا کہ جلدی لکھ دوں کچھ تو میرے دل کا بوجھ ہلکا ہو. ..

   

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