Thursday, May 24, 2012

#rd page of my dairy.


سوچا تھا کہ  زندگی کا ایک ایک صفحہ لکھ ڈالوں گا، مگر کیا  کا؟ میری زندگی کے ہر صفحہ پر کسی نہ کسی شقص کی پرچھائی موجود ہے ابہ کس کس کا پردہ رکھوں  کچھ سمجھ نہیں آتا. کچھ لوگوں سے اجازت لے لی ہے. باقی سے رابطہ ممکن نہیں. 

گزری رات مجھ کو بہت کچھ سیکھا گئی تھی.

Sorry guys, this is very write to type in Urdu font....

For the further I would love to continue in Roman Urdu. (Sorry for any kind of the issue or problem).

Guzri raat mujh ko bht kuch sikha gai thi, mgr phir bhi kuch swalon k jawab khud say nahi poch paa raha tha, Main bht reserve rehne wala banda tha phir etni jaldi kese kamzoor parh gaya, "us ne esa kia kar dia tha k main apni sari limit cross kar gaya tha aur aik hi raat main 3 dafa....."

Subh 11 baje utha tu thakan ya khumar tha jo uthne nahi dy raha tha, Us ne bataya k 9 baje say mere ghr say call arahi hai hum ko abh chalna chahiye, us ki ankhon main aik ajib si shararat thi aur main pata nahi kiun us ki taraf thik say dekh nahi paa raha tha, jitna jaldi mumkin tha utha fresh howa, juice piya aur us k sath wapis gher agaya, gher aya tu ami bht ghuse main thi, phir bhi bahana bana kar ami ko mana lia aur valima ki tayari main laga raha, woh bhi sara tym mere sath hi raha, har kam main meri madad karta raha, esa lag raha tha k jese us say barh kar mere liye koi aur nahi. Ami ko etni qurbat pasand nahi aye, ami nai sham mai hi keh dia k "mujh ko kisi bhi insan ka etna close hona pasand nahi, ess larke ko thora fasle par hi rakho." main nai kuch nahi kaha bus sar hila dia.

sham main valima say farigh howe tu mehman bhi ruqsat hona shuru howe, raat k 2 baje woh bhi chala gaya, main nai baqi mehmanon k sath apna bistr bahar sehn main lagaya tu usi tym abba agaye, woh Army main thy aur un ko pata tha k un ki beti ki shadi ho rahi hai, aba nai akar ami ko aur mujh ko mubarakbad di aur thora dair ruk kar chale gai kaha k kal aon ga aur beti say milon gaa.

main kuch keh bhi na paya na hi koi shikayat kar paya bus dil main aik kasak reh gai. abba say hum sab hi darte thy un k agai zaban kholna tu door ki baat sar utha kar bat karne tak ki ijazat nahi thi. baqi mehmanon main meri phuphu reh gai then. phuphu ki 2 betiyan aur 3 bete thy bare bete ki umr 25-27 k darmiyan hogi. meri bus salam dua hi thi. main mosami mendkon ko ziada moun nahi lagata wese bhi mera un say yeah pehla interection tha isi liye free hone ya friendly hone ka mouqa nahi mila tha. us cosin ne apna bistr mere bistr k kharib laga lia aur mujh say batain karne laga. main pichle 2-3 din main hoi apni zindgi main tabdili par sochna chahta tha. aur koi aik faisla karna chahta tha k abh agai kia karna hai. mgr woh mujh say musalsal batain kar raha tha.  main us ki han main han mila raha tha, main nai us ko kaha k ab sona chahiye kiun k yeah sehn hai aur subh soraj sedha moun par parta hai. us ne kaha ok aur hum sone ki tayari main lag gaye, guzri raat mujh ko yad ane lagi aur esi yad main thakan ki wajha say neend bhi agai, subh meri ankh us waqt khuli jabh ami nai uthaya 10 baj gaye thy soraj sar pe tha aur main ghadhe, ghore bech kar su raha tha. taqriban sab log hi uth gae thy. rasman behn ko lene jana tha esi liye mera intizar ho raha tha, nashta tayar tha main foran fresh howa aur change kar hi raha tha k Woh agaya, ami ne bura sa moun banaya. mgr main nai kaha k ess ki gari aur aik texi kar ke chale jain ge. Hum sabh jaldi jaldi nikle us ne bht ache say hath milaaya aur ankh mari. main kuch samjha nahi. 
yeah din bhi bhagam bhaag main guzr gaya. esi tarhan shadi pori hoi aur abh imtihan sar par thy, bus aik din ka gap mila tha us ke baad papers. shadi ke chakar main kuch bhi parhne ka mouqa nahi mila tha. esi liye ami say kaha k main abh emtihan ki tayari karon gaa. subh office jata half day le kar, North nazimabad main moujood Taimoria Liberary jata sara din wahan guzarta tuition ki chuti kar rakhi thi. aur es tarhan 2 paper ho gai. papers ke doran Us say mulaqat hoti kabhi kabhar hum sath hi gher ajate kabhi woh apne doston k sath chala jata kabhi main seedha liberary chala jata. 
jese tese kar k imtihan pore howe. Main us waqt tak internet say waqif nahi tha. imtihan khatm hote hi zindagi aik dafa phir say purani dagr par agai. sabh kuch old routien k mutabiq hone laga. Aur meri sari jama ponji tu khatm hi ho chuki thi, aik dafa phir say tuition shuru howe aur jaib main kuch pese aye tu kuch bojh kam howa. Ami ki tabyat bhi kharab hone lagi thi main nai un ko keh dia k ab kaam karne ki koi zaroorat nahi hai jese bhi hoga main manage kar lon ga. apne liye aur tuition dekhne laga. aur iss tarhan subh 7 baje gher say nikalta aur raat 9-10 tak gher wapis ajata. zindagi bht masroof ho gai thi k kuch  bhi sochne ya karne k liye tym nahi nikal paa raha tha, woh bhi kabhi kabhar mujh say office main ya bahar mil lete aur mere masroof hone ka gila karta. main nai us ko saf saf keh dia tha k mere oper abh gher ki pori zimeh dari hai aur mujh ko ye zimedari pori karni hai tu ...

Esi doran mere aik student nai mujh ko British consil ka bataa main wahan tym nikal kar gaya aur pata laga k Uk say scholarship ati hain main ni himat kar ke karowai shuru kari kisi ko nahi bataya sirf Us ko bataya aur us ne meri har mumkin madad karne ka wada kia, Mujh ko aik interview dena tha aur aik test clear karna tha usi k baad faisla hota k mujh ko scholarship milni hai ya nahi. Meri english bht kamzoor thi mgr jitni ati thi sahi ati thi, conversation main bhut problem tha, main nai Us say madad mang tu us nai kaha tum rozara aik ghanta mere gher par ajaya karo tu main tayari kara don ga, iss k liye mujh ko apna aik tuition chorna para aur main abh daily us k gher jane laga. aur esi doran humara 3 dafa sex howa, 2 dafa tak tu thik tha mgr mujh ko laga aur mehsoos howa k woh abh mera adi hota ja raha hai tu 3rd time par main nai us ko rokna chaha mgr woh nahi ruka aur main majboran us ka partner bana, abh mere samne 2 raste thy ya tu main us say alag ho jaon ya phir apni parhai ki khatir us ki bat manta rahon. faisla 2sra wala nikla, main nai kisi na kisi tarhan us ko oral tak mehdood rakhne ki koshish kari mgr aik week main 2-3 dafa sex hone laga tha jo mujh ko sahi nahi lag raha tha, aur main freak nahi hona chahta tha. main abhi apne future par pora tawajha rakhna chahta tha. KHUDDA KHUDDA kar ke mera interview howa aik hafta baad list aye tu main test k liye qualify kar gaya tha main khushi khushi yea bat batane us k gher gaya mgr woh gher par nahi tha us ko phone kia tu pata laga k woh doston k sath kisi hotel par hai. Hotel kiun k qarib hi tha tu socha uss say milta aur us ko batata jaon. (mere pas us tym tak mobile ya bike nahi thi) esi liye pedal chalta howa hotel tak puchancha edhr udhr dekha tu us ki gari khari hoi thi. woh hotel ka andr tha. Main hotel main ghus hi raha tha tu us ki awaz bht tezi say sunai di. woh apne doston ko bare maze say humare sex ki kahani suna raha tha. main aik dam sun ho kar reh gaya. us k dost bhi hans hans kar mera mazakh ura rahe thy,m shukr ye tha k us ne mera nam nahi bataya tha bus yehi k koi hai jo us ki aag bujha raha hai. us k doston main aik dost tha jo bar bar us say nam poch raha tha. usi tym main andar gaya, zabardasti ki muskurahat k sath sabh ko salam kia us ne mujh ko dekha tu heran howa aur pocha yar tu yahan kese, main nai us ko kaha k aik minute meri bat sun lo, main nai us ko bataya k main test k liye qualify kar gaya hon, tu us nai mujh ko tight hug kia aur kaha k aaj ki sham mere sath, main nai bht mushkil say us ko mana kia aur bojhal dil k sath tuition parhane chala gaya parhane main bhi dil na laga. kuch samjh nahi araha tha k jo dekha aur suna woh sach hai ya woh jo mere aur us k darmiyan raha. Us ne mere par bht ehsan kiye thy tu main nai bhi apni tarf say koi kami nahi chori thi. 
Raat bhr neend nahi aye, subh office bhi gaya mgr kisi kam main dil nahi lag raha tha, k woh adhamka, us ne kaha k aaj lunch mere sath. main nai foran kaha k han mujh ko tum say kuch bat karna hai. aur hu mlunch par Gulshan main mujood Usmania chale gai, khana kia khana tha mujh ko us say bat karne ka bahana chahiye tha. main nai foran hi us ko kaha k kal jo tum apne doston ko bata rahe thy kia woh sahi hai ya ye jo tum ere sath ho ye sahi hai. huamre darmiyan jo bhi howa agr woh bat room tak hi rehti tu acha tha ya abh sabh main shoor macha kar qise suna rahe ho yea acha hai? us nai meri bat suni muskuraya aur kaha " yar tujh ko kia problem hai ess tarhan tere ko aur bande mil jain gai, mera bhi Canada jane ka ho raha hai agr main chala gaya tu tujh ko kon khush rakhe ga?" main herani say us ki shakal dekh raha tha. aur dobara wohi bola "mera aik dot hai jo tujh main bht interested hai, kaho ti line connect kara don?" abh ghuse say meri halat buri thi mgr majbor tha aik tu us k ehsan oper say yeah bat, ghuse ya taklif ki wajha say meri ankhon main anso agai. aur main nai us ko saaf saf keh diya k abh agr mujh say dosti rakhni hai tu tum ko sabh ko chorna hoga aur agr sabh k sath rehna hai tu mere ko chorna hoga. us nai kaha k main baad main bataon gaa. bari mushkil say kuch khaya gaya aur hum office wapis agai.

Mere din aur raat bht mushkil main thy, aik tarf test ki tayari, dosri taarf uss ki batain main nai khud ko aik dafa phir apni tanhai main qaid kar lia, bus kam say kam. esi doran main nai mobile bhi le lia aur gher bhi shift kar k F b area main agai. apne new gher ka pata main nai offic main aur kisi ko nahi bataya. mere boss bhi mujh ko note kar rahe thy aur aksr pochte thy k beta koi problem hay tu batao. main nai kaha k nahi bus study ka pressure hai aur kuch nahi. 

Waqt guzrta gaya, aur phir test ka din ahi gaya, main apni  pori mehnat kar raha tha aur koshish thi k scholarship ka imtihan clear kar lon. mgr koi help nahi thi jo kia tha khud kia tha esi liye dar raha tha, Karachi k regent plaza hotel main imtihan hona tha 900 k qarib log thy, buht rush tha. main nai apni pori mhnt aur tawani ko sarf kar k tayari kari thi esi liye thoda confidence tha mgr dar bhi tha. koshish kar raha tha k apna khoof kisi par zahir na hone don. bht kam log bus main aye thy aksar bare gher k log thy jo drivers k sath hi aye thy. mujh ko meri jagha batai gai aur main nai imtihan de dia. 2 ghante baad test pora howa tu copy wapis kari mujh ko kaha gaya k main bahar wait karon, koi mujh say milna chahta hai. mera nahi khayal tha k aaj koi intervciew hona tha. phir bhi kiun k un logon nai kaha tha esi liye rukna para.

adha ghanta wait karne k bad mujh ko aik room main bulwaya gaya wahan 2 gore bethe thy aur 2 pakistani. mujh ko bethne ka kahay agya, interview say pehle aik sheet di gai thi jo main nai fillup kar ke de di thi. woh un k hath main thi, main bht khoof zida tha k aik gore nai mujh say bht frankly ho kar bat karna shuru kari, thori bht english agai thi main bht hi muhtat ho kar jawab dene laga, mujh say meri family, mere work, mere future aur pata nahi kia kia sawal kiye gaye, phir pocha gaya k agr mujh ko scholarship mil jati hai tu kia main scholarship k baad UK nationality k liye apply karon gaa? yea tu main nai socha hi nahi tha bus scholarship ka hi socha tha. main nai kaha k nahi, yeah faisla meri ami kare ge. esi bat par woh sab muskurae aur meri sheet par kuch remarks likhe, mujh ko aik paper diya aur kaha k next week main apna passport aur sare documents le kar british counsil ajaon. meri kuch samjh nahi araha tha, aur abh kis say pochon k akhri mere sath ho kia raha hai. Mere contact detail main main nai apna mobile numbr likhwa dia tha aur aik paros ka numbr bhi tha. 2 din baad mere paros k number per phone aya main office main tha tu ami nai mere office ka numbr dy dia mujh ko wahan phone aya k mujh ko 100% scholarship Cambridge say grant ho gai hai Main iss achanak ki khushkhabri k liye ready nahi tha k ami ka aik dafa phir phone aya k koi courier say aik lifafa dy gaya hai aur tum ne kabh scholarship ka kia kese kia foran gher ajao. main nai rote rote apne boss ko sari bat batai tu unhon nai kaha k beta mujh ko tum par faqr hai, Main apne boss k room ka Peon tha mgr woh jitni sakhti karte thy uss say ziada mhbt bhi karte thy mujh ko utha kar foran dosre logon k pas le gaye aur sabh ko mere bare main bataya pore office main sabh nai mujh ko mubarakbad di aur unhon nai apne driver say kaha k mujh ko mere gher chor aye. mujh say kaha gaya k main agle din mithai leta aon. main khushi khushi gher k liye nikla. gher puhancha tu "Woh" bhi apne aik dost k sath mera intizar kar raha tha bahar hi gari main tha. main sir ki gari say utra driver ka shukriya ada kia us ko pani ka pocha mgr woh chala gaya phir main un dono say mila aur ami mera be sabri say intizar kar rahi thi, mujh ko dekhte hi gale say lagaya aur phoot phoot kar rone lagi, abbu ka bhi phone aya aur unhon nai bhi bht dua di. behn bhi agai thi. mani ne aik hafta pehle hi apna passport bhi banaya liya tha main nai pehle namaz shukrana ada kari, ALLAH ke agai gir gira k roya aur bhik mangi k mujh ko jis tarhan yahan kamyab kia hai wese hi ane wale waqt main bhi kamyab kare, ami ne kaha k mere dost neche mera entizar kar rahe hain, Ohoo gher akar un ko tu bhol hi gaya tha, main koi badmazgi nahi chahta tha, kiun k meri iss kamyabi k peche Uss ka bhi kirdar tha. main neche aya tu undono nai mujh ko aik dafa phir mubarakbad di aur achanak meri ami say kaha k hum sath jaa rahe hain thora enjoy karain gai celeberate karain gay phir 7-8 baje tak wapis ajain gai, main chahta tha k ami mujh ko mana kar dain mgr ami ni khushi ki wajha say kaha k han jaon. jaldi ajana.

Hum log wahan say nikal kar pehle Hydri aye wahan Agha par juice piya phir main nai pocha k tum logon ko mere gher pa pata kese laga tu Uss ne kaha k yar tum mere dost ho tum nai nahi bataya tu kia howa main nai khud hi dhondh lia. Main muskura dia main pichili kisi bhi talqi ko yad nahi rakhna chahta tha. phir us ne kaha k hum log us ke dosre dost (jo us k sath tha aur pichli seat par tha) k gher chalte hain wahan thora tym guzr kar hum log sham main bahar nikle gain main nai kaha thik hai. woh larka bhi gulshan main disco bakry ki taraf rehta tha. raste main ami ka phone aya k sare khandan main bata dia hai, aur sabh log aaj hi mujh say milne aur mujh ko mubarakbad dene arahe hain. esi liye jaldi gher ajaon aur abbu bhi aaj sham arahe hain. main nai kaha k ji ami jitna jaldi ho saka ajaon gaa. Hum log uss k dost k gher main dakhil howe mahool Uss k gher jesa hi tha, sabh ko bataya k main nai kia teer mara hai sab nai hi mubarakbadd di aur hum log drawing room main baith gaye hum ko sharbat waghera diya gaya, thora dair baad us ka dost fresh hone ka keh kar apne room main gaya tu main aur Woh hi reh gai bus us ne drawingroom ko lock kia aur mujh say kaha k jane say pehle aik raat us k sath guzaron, main nai saaf mana kar dia k esa mumkin nahi. uss nai mujh ko bht force kia mgr main nahi mana. Esa nahi tha k main us k sath waqt nahi guzarna chahta tha main tu yehi chahta tha k jo bhi ho usi k sath ho mgr uss ki baton aur harkaton ki wajha say dar lagta tha, thora dair main us ka dost wapis aya tu kuch khane peene ki chezein bhi sath laya tha, main sambhal kar beth gaya, Us ny ate hi USS ki taraf dekha aur pocha k kuch baat bani uss ny inkar main sar hila diya, tu USS ka dost muskura diya. Main samjh gaya k kia batain ho rahi hain. main nai bhi khul kar bat karne ka faisla kia. 

Abh main aap ko undono k naam batane jaa raha hon, aur yeah naam main un ki ijazat say le raha hon, woh log aaj bhi meri fb par add hain, aur hum aksar chat karte hain. Mere old frnd ka Naam Asif Tha aur uss k dost ka Naam Atif. ji haan Atif, aur yehi naam har dafa meri zindagi main aya aur jabh bhi aya aik tofan le kar aya aur mujh say mera sabh kuch chin kar le gaya, Naam aik tha mgr loog alag alag, Mujh ko ess ATif say koi shikayat nahi thi kiun k jitna us ko pata laga tha uss k baad koi bhi ho excited ho jata. Phir mere samne un dono nai khoob jam kar sex kia, aik ghanta tak karte rahe aur main sirf dekhta hi raha, darmiyan main kafi dafa kaha gaya k main un dono ko join kar lon mgr main sirf majboran hi wahan betha rha. Dil tu chah raha tha k uth kar chala jaon mgr main abhi etna mature nahi howa tha k jo scho wohi kar sakon. Jab woh dono farig howe tu unhon nai aik dafa phir mujh ko offer kari k main un dono k liye top ka role play karon mgr main nai mana kar dia aur Asif say kaha k mujh ko gher chor do mehrbani hogi. mere dimagh main bht shadeed dard ho raha tha, pora jism sunn tha k koi insan apni hawis k liye iss had tak bhi jaa sakta hai. Shayad un ko meri halat par taras agaya aur woh dono ready ho gai k mujh ko gher chor dain. raste main main bilkul chup raha aur yehi dua karta raha k jitna jaldi mumkin ho Pakistan say chala jaon. un dono nai mujh ko mere gher chora aur main bojhal qadmon k sath apne gher k andar agaya, halat esi thi k main nai un dono ko good bye tak na kia.

Oper aya tu kuch log achuke thy, main ami say shower lene ka keh kar shower lene chala gaya aur dair tak shower k neche beth kar rota raha, yeah anso kis liye thy samjh nahi araha tha, mgr esa lag raha tha k jese mujh sai koi bht qeemti cheez chin li gai ho. mujh ko aik sahare ki zaroorat thi jo mujh ko sambhalta nahi tu meri esi hi halat rehti tu ami ne pareshan ho jana tha aur mujh ko abhi jane ki tayari bhi karni thi. 

main bht himat kar k bahar nikla, change kia aur sabh main zabardsti ghulne milne laga. batain karne laga, mera cozin Bilal bhi agaya aur sabh say ziada wohi excited tha aur keh raha tha k yar mujh ko bata dete tu main bhi tumhare sath hi apply kar deta, tu main nai kaha k yar tumhari metric kitne numbers ki hai tu uss k B grad tha tu main nai kaha next term k liye apply kardo jo main nai kia woh tum ko bata don gaa. Bilal ne kaha thik hai. Mujh ko abh bilal main apna dost nazr ane laga. main sochna nahi chahta tha mgr soch mujh ko usi ki taraf le ja rahi thi, Bilal khud bhi bht sharp mind tha raat k khane k bad jabh sab rukqsat hone lage tu Bilal ne phuphu say kaha k main yahan ruk raha hon aur mujh say kuch batain karon gaa guidline lon ga aur subh gher wapis ajaon, ga, mujh ko pata nahi kiun uss ka rukna acha laga. main aur bilal hawa khane k bahane gher say bahar nikle, tu muhale ka aik larka jo abh mera behnoi ban chuka hai sath agaya us nai bhi mere sath inter kia tha mge D grad say. meri bus salam dua thi. hum log chalte chalte Cafe Piyala tak agai aur wahan akar hum nai tea pee. main thora relex mehsoos kar raha tha k usi tym mere mobile par aik unknown number say call aye main nai rec nahi kari tu txt aya k Em Atif please take my call. main aik tarf uth kar gaya aur khud hi us ko call kar dali. rasman bat hone k bada us ne mujh say kaha k main Asif say door chala jaon aur us ka sochon bhi nahi kiun k abh ASif mera hai, main nai kaha k aaj jo howa us k bad abh mere aur Asif k darmiyan kuch bhi nahi raha. aur esi arhan bat khatm ho gai. 
main kuch halka ho gaya tha, wapis aya tu Muhalee ka larka cigerate jala raha tha sath hi bilal bhi jala raha tha, Bilal ne mujh ko bhi offer kari aur main nai kuch bhi soche bagher aik cigerate le li, phir jabh pehla kash lagaya tu ankhon say dhowan nikal gaya. mgr main pee raha tha. woh meri pehli cigerate thi. log kehte hain k relex hota hai aftr smoking magr mere sath esa kuch nahi howa main tu ulta aur tension main agaya, pora aik jag say kuli karta raham shahi suppari aur jane kia kia khaya, bar bar hath dhowe aur jan bokh kar late gher gaya k ami k samna na ho. 
gher aya tu sab hi ja chuke thy dosre kamre main humara bistr laga howa tha. main aur bilal sath hi baith gae. us ne mujh ko internet ka bataya tu main nai kaha k yar jane say pehle mujh ko kuch sikha dena phir main internet say rabite main rahon gaa, kiun k wahan ja kar mujh ko 2 hours ki job karni hai gher bhi kuch bhejna hai aur apna oper ka kharcha bhi uthana hai. us ne wada kia k woh mujh ko zaroor sikhae gaa. main uss say hath milaya aur hum sone k liye let gaie.......

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