London, Main, Allan aur Mere Dad ki death

London main din guzarte rahe, mera kaam chalta rha aur part time nokri bhi chalti rahi. Allan meri qadm qadm par rehnumai karta raha, kabhi kabhi tu mujh ko esa mehsoos ho raha tha k jese meri aur Allan ki bht purani jan pehchan hai ya hum achpan say hi aik dosre ko jante hain. Allan aksar mujh ko net use karne ka kehta mgr meri study timing aur job timing k baad koi waqt hi nahi bachta tha k jis main main koi aur kam kar sakon. Raat main aksar main aur Allan sath hi beth jate aur apne notes banate aur share karte.

Karachi main bhi sabh khushal mangal tha, main wekly job hi kamata us ka 75% Karachi bhej deta mujh ko pora yaqen tha k mere bheje howe peson say gher main khushali nahi tu aram zaroor agaya hoga. Humare exams end howe tu Allan nai kaha k abh hum kuch rest karte hain study ne bht tough time diya tha rest say murad bister par let kar aram karna nahi balke hangout waghera ka plan tha. Meri jaib aur halat mujh ko ziada ayashi ki ijazat nahi dete thy mgr Allan ki wjha say mai nai bhi next weekend say 2 din ka off kar k Allan k sath outing ka program banana shuru kia, sath hi Allan ko apne budgt say bhi agah kar dia. Allan nai kuch nahi kaha aur kaa don’t worry v;ll manage the things in vry limited amount.

Next week end par hum log ne central London ke sair ka plan banaya aur ht ghome phire,, etne dinon say London main hone ke bawajood bhi main ne kuch nahi dekha tha. Uss say agle hafte hum log Temz par gai aur gaint wheel per bethe aur bht enjoy kia.

Din guzrte ja rahai thy naya term / semester bhi start ho chukka tha aur main apni old routine par wapis agaya, Allan ko aik hotel main part time job mil gae thi, abh Allan sham main alag jata aur main alag, main apna wohi flower wala kaam kar raha tha, amadni bhi ho hi jati thi. Main aik dafa phir apne dean say mila aur request kari k mera guzara flower ko bechne say nahi ho raha mujh ko koi aur kaam karne ki ijazat dilwain, unhon nai kaha k next week tak kuch karte hain. Main flower bech kar wapis ata tu us tym tak Allan wapis nahi ata tha. Hum log raat ka khana (diner) sath hi kia karte thy, tu mujh ko Allan ka entizar karna parta tha, mgr jab tak Allan nahi atta main fresh ho kar kabhi Allan k laptop par music suntan kabhi ankhain band kar k apne mustaqbil ki planning karta, mgr parhai nahi karta tha. Kiun k parhai hum log sath hi kia karte thy.

Iss tym par mujh ko mehsoos hone laga tha k jese main Allan k baghr akela hon, ess main koi shak nahi k jabh say main London aya tha Allan k bare main bht kuch soch chukka tha, dil hi dil main uss ko apna sab kuch man chukka tha, mujh ko nahi pata k uss ehsas ko piyar kahon ya Allan ko pane ki justuju mgr Allan k sath hota tu mujh ko aik security ka ehsas hota. Apne pan ka ehsas hota. Main nai kafi dafa chaha k Allan say us ki sexuality pochon mgr himat nahi kar paa raha tha, hum aksar mazakh karte aur us mazakh main hum larka ya larki ki tamiz nahi karte, Allan bhi aksar asian larkon ki bht tareef karta tha. Mgr main ess say ziada ki himat nahi kar paa raha tha.

Esi doran Allan nai kaha k who next term k end par 10-15 din k liye apni mom say milne jae gaa, mere qadmon k neche say zamin nikal gae, mainnai pata nahi kiun iss baat par Allan say bht ghagra kia, mujh ko tension hone lagi thi k ess k bagher mera kia hoga, meri tu kisi say etni dosti bhi nahi thi k us k sath kahi bahar ja sakon ya ….

Allan bhi meri halat samjh raha tha mgr kia karta us ka jana bhi zaroori tha, etifaq ki bat hai k Karachi say ami ny bataya k meri brhn jis ki shadi hoi thi woho Canada ja rahi hai next month. Yeah tub ht khushi ki baat thi main nai Karachi phone kar k sari details li aur sis ko mubarakbad di. Sath yeah bhi pata chala k abbu ki tabyat bhi abh kuch thik nahi hai. Jab say main yahan aya ta abbu ki jst once cal aye thi us k baad na hi unhon nai phone kia na hi main nain un ko koi cal kari. Mera dil abbu say bat karne ko bht chah raha tha mgr khud say call karne ki himat nahi kar paa raha tha. main nai raat hi ko abbu say bat karne ka faisla kia. 
Raat ko jab abbu k number par call kari tu numbr off tha, pata nahi kiun mujh ko bht ghabrahat ho rahi thi. main nai ammi ko phone kia tu ami call rec nahi kar rahi thi.
majboran apne cosin ko call karna pari tu uss ne phone uthaya, jese hi uss ne phone uthaya tu kisi na kaha k meri cal hai tu line kat du abhi foran. yeah alfaz meri bari ammi k thy, mgr unhon nai esa kiun kaha hoga? kia chal raha hai karachi main? main nai bar bar ammi ko call kari mgr koi mera phone nahi utha raha tha. main nai Asif aur Atif ko call kari aur un say reqest kari k mere gher ja kar dekhe k akhir ami meri call kiun nahi utha rahi hain. Asif nai foran hi mere gher jane ka kaha main yahan Allan k sath heran pareshan betha tha Allan mujh ko tasali de raha tha mgr meri ghabrahat barhti jaa rahi thi. 2 ghante baad mujh ko ammi ki call aye ess time raat k 1-30am (london tym) ho raha tha. Ammi ki awaz un ka sath nahi dy rhi thi bus etna hi kaha k Abbu ka saya hum par nahi raha. main nai kaha Kiaaaa? na mujh main kuch pochne ki himat rahi na hi ami k phone say koi awaz arahi thi. Asif ne mujh ko phone kia tu Allan ne bat kari, Allan k liye shayad yea sabh bilkul naya tha esi liye woh bhi heran betha howa tha k kia kare, thoda dair main main nai fir call kari aur ami say kaha k main araha hon. Ammi ne mujh ko mana kar dia k main nai aon, apni parhai darmiyan main choor kar aur ese ana mere liye acha nhi hoga jo hona tha woh ho gaya, abh anai ka koi faida nahi wese bhi meri bari ammi aur dada k gher wale janaza subh hi utha rahe hain, mere anai ka koi intizar nahi kar sakta.
main nai tafsil pochna chahi tu bus etna bataya k heart fail howa hai. main khud ko sambhalne ki pori koshish kar raha tha, Mujh ko apne father say bht shikayat thi, sri umr un ko ji bhr k nahi dekh saka tha kabhi un ki job ki majbori aur kabhi bari ami ki majbori, main tu bus etna chahta tha k aik din apne father k sath akela bethon aur un say bht laron, un k gale lag kar rou, un k sath khelon aur woh din meri zindagi ka yadgar din ban jae. mgr yeah sab tu ulta hi ho gaya tha. ensan sochta kuch hai aur hota kuch hai. ess tym mere cosin ki call aye aur kaha k tum online rehna main janaze ki fotages tum ko fb and orkut par share karta rahon gaa. subh Wednesday tha yani working day. uni bhi jana tha mgr main nai Allan ko mana kar dia "aaj tu mere dad ka janaza hai, aaj nahi ja sakta. naha dho kar aik taraf baith gaya, porani yadain ati rahi aur anso girte rahe, hosh jabh aya jabh Allan cheekh k bola hey Looks here's ur fther funeral." mere cosin nai wade k mutabiq sirf fotage hi share nahi kari thi balke pata nahi kia kar k har 5 minute baad ki vids share kar raha tha, msn par online bhi tha aur apne phone say vids bana raha tha. yahan beth kar  janaza dekh hi sakta tha. jabh mere dad ki face pics aye tu mere moun say chekhen nikalne lagi, Allan mujh ko sambhalne ki pori koshish kar raha tha, mgr abh mujh say bardasht nahi ho raha tha main phoot phoot k ro para. esa roya k shayad hi pehle kabhi roya hon, Allan kabhi mujh ko gale lagata kabhi mera hath pakarta kabhi mere mathe ko chomta sath sath woh karachi phone par rabita bhi kar raha tha, uss ne ami say bat karne ki koshish kari mgr ammi ko english bilkul nahi ati thi. uss ny phone meri tarf barhaya tu ami bhi wahan ru rahi thi aur meri awaz sun kar bht pareshan ho gai, Ammi bht himat say kam lete howe mujh ko sabr ki talqeen kar rahi thi, phir cosin say bat hoi, sabh hi mujh ko sabr ki talqin kar rahe thy mgr mere andar aik lawa ubl raha tha jo thanda hone ka nam nahi le raha tha. Mere cosin nai har mouqe ki pic share kar raha tha, jabh dad ko qabr main utara gaya, akhri dafa un ka chehra dikhaya gaya, phir chehra band kia gaya, phir pehli sleep rakhi gai, phir dosri, phir akhri, phir matti dalne ka amal, yeah sabh mere liye bht mushkil tha. main kitna badnsib ensan hon k bachpan say abh tak yehi khwahish karta raha k mere dad mujh ko aik dafa apne gale say lagain, mujh ko apni goud main uthain na hi woh moka laga na hi mujh bad nasib ko apne dad k janaze ko kandha dene ka un ko qabr main utarne ka mouka laga. na hi aik muthi matti dalne ka mouka mila. yeah kesa emtihan hai, kiun main hamesha aik band gali main akar khara ho jata hon. kiun mere sath hi esa hta hai k sabh kuch main khud hi sambhalon. Dad k janaze k baad Pakistan main zhr ka time hoga aur yahan din ka. main uni nahi gaya Allan bhi nahi gaya. Allan mere liye softdrink le aya tha mgr halaq say kuch nahi utr raha tha k karachi say aik aur call agai. jis main meri sis ne kaha k bhai aap khud ko sambhalo yahan sabh thik hai. main abbu k soyam k baad canada ja rahi hon. ammi ko bhi sath le ja rahi hon ye bat aap ko (mujh ko es liye nahi batai k main pareshan honga) aur ammi ki edat wahi canada main hogi. mai n kia kehta mujh ko tu kuch smajh hi nahi araha tha. kia howa? kese howa? kia hoga? bus dil chah raha tha k ankhain band karon aur Pakistan chala jaon aur ......
Yehi woh din thy jahan meri zindagi aur main khud bilkul badal gaya, Allan nai 3 din mera ese khayal rakha k jese main koi bhatka howa bacha hon mujh ko zabardasti khilata, mujh ko bahar le k jata, mere sath batain karta, yahan tak k uss ne apne canada jane ka plan tak badl diya. uss ne apne kuch aur doston ko bhi bolana shuru kar diya jo mere sath batain karte mgr main pata nahi kiun chup ho gaya tha, apni majboori pe rona ata tha ALLAH ko tu bhol hi gaya tha. Phir Allan khud hi bola k mujh ko namaz parhna chahiye, aaj abbu ka soyam tha. mere cosin mujh say rabita main thy, gher say net par online ho kar yahan allan k laptop par main online howa, jab webcam start howa tu ammi ni mujh ko dekh kar rona shuru kar dia Allan mere sath hi betha howa tha ammi nay apni urdu main Allan say kaha k mera khayal rakhe main gayab dimagh sab dekh raha tha aur sun raha tha. Majboran ammi ko kehna para k agr main ana chahta hon tu ajaon, Allan ne bhi meri ammi aur cosin ko yehi samjhane ki koshish kari k mujh ko Pakistan ja kar ana chahiye, mgr mere pass etne pese kaha thy, k tickt leta jata aur ata, yahan study, aik dam main nai khud ko sambhalna shuru kia apne anso poche washroom say moun hath dho kar phir laptop k agai betha ami ko dilasa diya aur msn live par soyam main shirkat kari. Allan ko bhi meri halat say thora tasali hoi mgr Allan anadr hi andar koi faisla kar chuka tha. jabh soyam khatam howa tu sabh log qabrustan chale gai main Allan k sath bahar aya tu Allan nai kaha k hum dono hi ek hafte main Paksitan ja rahe hain aur jst within a week wapis ajain gy, main nai pocha k kese hoga manage Allan na kaha k main khud dekho gaa tum pareshan na homere pass iss tym tak 500 pounds jama thy main nai woh Allan ko diye, Allan nai next day uni ja kar dean ko sari sorat haal batai dean nai bht cooperate kia aur pata nahi kis tarhan Allan aur mere tickt bhi confrm ho gae aur hum pakistan jane ki tayari karne lage. Allan nai mujh ko mana kar diya tha k main Pakistan main kisi ko na bataon k hum log arahe hain. meri had tak tu thik tha mgr Allan ko apne ghr main kese adjust karon gaa? mera gher tu bht chota hai aur Allan ko tu saholat k sath rehne ki adat hai main nai aik dafa phir Allan ko sari situation say agah kia, Allan nai kaha k tumhara ghr jesa bhi hai main manage kar lon gaa, insan ko har mahool main rehne ki adat honi chahiye. main bht khush bhi tha tu afsurda bhi k kash main apne dad k janaze par chala jata mgr qismat ko jo manzoor.
aur woh din aa hi gaya k jab humari pak k liye flight thi, subh ammi ki call aye humari (london tym k hisab say 4pn ki flight thi) ami ne pocha k kia ho raha thai main nai kaha k uni ja raha hon aur abh khud ko sambhal raha hon main nai apna phone bech diya hai 2-3 din main naya le kar call karon ga. ami ny pocha bhi k kiun mgr main ni kuch nahi bola, koi shoping nahi bus 2 jode kapron k rakhe aur airport k liye nikal para, Airport puhanche tu meri class k taqriban sare hi mate airport par thy, mere class incharge Mr Robrt aur dept dean bhi wahan tha main hera tha k yeah log yahan kese, mgr sabh nai mujh ko himat dilai aur mujh ko dean nai bataya k humare jane ka entizam college k student social funds say kia gaya hai aur sari class nai pese jama kiye tu main phir ro para sabh ko bar bar thnx keh raha tha mgr sabh hi khush thy k main ghr ja raha hon. Goron (angrezon) ko lakh bura keh lo mgr ensaniyat bht hai, bager kisi lihaz k ese mushkil waqt meri madad kari thi k main soch bhi nahi sakta tha. esi waqt mujh ko jahaz main mili anuty aur sare contct yad aye k main un say bhi help le sakta tha, mgr ALLAH ka shukr ada kia k kisi k agai hath nahi phelane pare aur Mujh ko Allan ki shakal main aik farishta mila jo har lamha mere sath tha. hum log boarding kar k waiting area main agai flight main kuch hi waqt tha k Allan ka phona baja line par ami thi. Allan nai meri bat karai tu ami ne phir pocha tum kaha ho, main nai kaha uni main hon, ami ny mujh ko sabr ki talqin kari aur kaha k himat say kaam lon pata nahi kiun mera (ami ka) dil bht ghabra raha hai. flight ka elan howa aur hum on board chale gai. yeah flight via Qatar Karachi ja rahi thi. aur hum ko aglai 14 hours main karachi hona tha. main dil hi dil main bht khush tha k jabh sabh mujh ko apne darmiyan dekhe gay tu kitna khush  honge aur main apne dad ki qabr par ja kar un say maafi tu mang sakon gaa. . . . .