Update!!!

Doston,

Sab say pehle mazrt k dairy tym pe update nahi kar paa raha hon, wajha kuch zati si hai aik meri tabyat dosra meri weekly Lahore sy Karachi ka ana jana, yeah sab mere liye bht mushkil hai. Phir har Monday ko meri chemotherapy hoti hai jis ki wajha say mujh ko bht taklif hoti hai aur 2-din tak meri halat qabo say bahar rehti hai.

Meri dairy tub ht bari ai, mgr mushkil yeah hai k es dairy say kitne safhe nikal kar likhon? Phir bhi meri koshish yehi hai k jitna likh sakta hon likh dalon.

Khaas kar who batain jin ki wajha say meri zindagi main halchal hoi, badlao aya aur meri zindagi ka tariqa hi badalta chala gaya.

Allan k sath meri mualqat aur phir Pakistan ana ar  us k baad wapis London jana aur us k bad k halat tu aap parh hi chuke hain. Allan shuru din say hi meri bht care kar raha tha, jan bojh kar bhi main kisi bhi manfi (negative) soch ko apne dimagh main ane nahi dy raha tha mgr main bhi aik insane hon, aaj k iss tym main kon kis kicare karta hai who bhi etni k main easly settle ho jaon.

Kher, us sham hum bht ache mood main wapis aye, Allan nai apni sex worker wali job chorne ki bhi khus khari sa di thi. Mujh ko yaqin nahi ho raha tha k Allan etni asani say meri baton ko samjh raha hai. Mgr phir bhi dil hi dil main bht khush tha. K Allan ki shakal main mujh ko aik acha dost mil gaya tha.

Main nai bhi fesla kia k Allan ki jitni care kar sakta hon karon gaa. Apni zaat say jo kar sakta hon karon gaa aur kisi bhi bat ko apni mabori nahi banaon ga, kiun k main yeah fesla kar chukka tha k main abh apni majboriun k sath nahi ji sakta mujh ko abh apni marzi say aur apni zarooraton k hisab say khud ko manag karna hoga aur jo koi bhi mera hath thame gaa main akhri waqt tak sath nibhaon gaa, ezat karon ga, care karon gaa chahe natije kuch bhi ho.

Wooh raat mere liye bht qimti thi, us aik rat main main nai pehli dafa kud say apni sari hadain par karin, Allan aur main 2 jis mgr aik jan ho gaye, pehli dafa khud supardgi ka ehsas howa, aur job hi howa us main sirf merzi hi nahii balke meri chaat bhishamil ho gaye, aur jabh 2 jism aik an ho rae hon ar khud supradgi ka ehsas ho tu Milan k lamhat kuch aur hi jate hain, (es bat ka ehsas jism k sodagaron ko aur har dosre jism k peche bhagne walon ko bilkul nahi ho sakta). Ye sooch aur ehsas tu sirf unhi ko nasib ho sakta hai jo rooh say jism tak ka safr karte hain. Sari raat hum nai jis tarhan guzari us main hum ko wooh raat hi kam parh gaye, na kisi bhi qisam ki thakan ka ehsas na hi koi dar aur khoof. Na hi koi aur baat buss main aur Allan thai aur humari sansain, hmare jism aur humari rooh.

Pata nahi kabh aur kitni dafa hum nai aik dosre ko chaha aik dosre ki jimson ko pooa kari aur  kabh aik dsre ki banhon main su gaye.

Ankh khuli tu Allan su hi raha tha main utha wqt dekha tu din k 12 say oper ka tym ho gaya tha, mgr iss neend aur jagne ka khumar hi kuch aur tha, esa ehsas pehle kabhi nahi howa tha.

Main uta ahista say Allan ko apne oper say hataya, aur washroom ja kar shower liya tu Allan bhi pehche peche agaya hum nai aiksath shower liya. Ar sath hi change waghera kar k bahar nikle, bhook ka ehsas ho raha tha. Main aur Allan aik sath chalet howe bahar nikle tu meri halat hi kuch art hi, chal main aik nasa tha mind main bhi alag nasha chal raha tha. Main tu jese hawaon main urh hi raha tha ar Allan mera hath pakar k jane kia kia bol raha tha, hum log kabhi future plan karte kabhi aaj ki bat karte. Hum logon nai aik qaribi resturent main lunch kia aur wapis hostel agai, wapis akar hum mamool k mutabiq parhne beth gaye.

Humare din aur raat aik dosre k sath buht ache guzarne lage, humare semester howe aur sab kuch buht acha howa.

Allan apni job pe laga howa tha aur bht khush bhi k us ki jan choti. Main apne news paper aur flowers ka kaam main laga howa tha. Karachi main bhi sab kher kheriyat thi bus meri sis Canada chali gaye thi mgr ami nahi gaye thi.

Aik din jabh main news paper bech raha that u wohi khatoon jo pehle aye thi aik dafa phir mere samne khari thi, mera tafsili interview kia aur mujh ko aik card diya card dekh kar pata chala k who khatoon aik buht bare news channel main assistant director hain. Unhon nai kaha k office ajaon. Baqi batain wahin hongi.

Main nai iss mamle par Allan say bat karne ka fesla kia abh mere har fesle main Allan shamil tha. Rat jab main wapis hostel puhancha tu Allan bht pareshan betha howa tha. Uss ki pareshani kia thi meri kuch samjh nahi aya. Main nai normly shower lia phir us say kaha k mess main chalet hain khana khate hain. Wahi bat karte hain kia howa hai. Aur us ne bataya k who next week Canada jaa raha hai kuch family issues howe hain us k lye jana bht zaroori hain, main heran reh gaya aur kuch keh bhi na saka kiun k Allan k bager rehne ka tu soch bhi nahi sakta tha aur yeah jane ki bat kar raha tha. Main us ko rok bhi nahi sakta tha aur jane bhi nahi dena chahta tha. Magr waqt aur halat nai esi karwat le lit hi k sabh kuch badal chukka tha. Main apni bat bhi nahi ke saka abhi humare Milan ko sirf kuch hi din tu howe thy main aur Allan bht khush thy, mgr Allan kuch din k liye hi sahi jane tu wala tha.

Aur phir who din agaya jab Allan London say Toronto (Canada) k liye rawana hone wala tha. Main bilkul chup tha kehne k liye kuch bhi nahi tha. Main bus gum sum tha aur bht koshish kar k apne ansoo chupa raha tha. Hum log sath airtport aye yahan akar hum nai aik dosre ko buht kuch samjhane ki koshish kari us ka plan tha k wooh 2 weeks main wapis ajai ga mgr mujh ko nahi lagta tha k ajai gaa kuch na kuch kahi na kahi gar bar thi mgr aik umid thi k wooh aye ga kiun k uss ki studies abhi baqi thi wooh bhi pora saal ki.

Aur us ki boarding ka elan howa aur wooh airport ka andr jane laga main abh apne anso nahi rok saka aur pehli dafa Allan ki ankhon main bhi ansoo thy. Allan nai mujh ko samjhaya k main kese raho aur pareshan naa hon wooh mujh say contact main rahe ga aur jald wapis ajae gaa. Main nai uss ko gale lagaya aur ruqsat kia kafi dair tak main departure lounge k samne khara raha aur jabh Allan nai mujh ko call kar k bataya k abh wooh on board ha tu main ne wapsi ka rasta liya. Dil main bht ghubar bhara howa tha. Himat aur hosla kar k apne aap ko sambhala tha aur jese hi main hostel k room main wapis aya tu phat para washroom main ja kar bht roya buht roya. Etna k khud hi ko sabhalna mushkil hone laga kafi dair tak shower lene k baad main room main aya aur khud ko tanha meshoos kia, main nai reading table par dekha tu wahan Allan ka laptop para howa tha, main heran reh gaya k wooh yeah kese bhool gaya? Anjane main ya jan boojh kar?

Abh tu Allan ko call bhi nahi kar sakta tu wooh tu safr par rawana ho chukka tha. Main aik taraf beth kar apni aur Allan ki yadon ko taza karne laga. Thoda dair main mera mobile baja call Karachi say thi aur ammi ke thi.  Meri khr kheriyat pochi aur man nai Allan ka bataya tu ami ne bhi himat di.

Main chah kar bhi apni halat ka kisi ko nahi bata sakta tha. Sham k 6 baj chuke thy aur meri job ka tym ho chukka tha main job par jana nahi chahta tha mgr ye soch kar k nahi jaon gaa tu aur pareshan honga aur mujh ko jana hi chahiye. Majboran tayar ho kar nikla aur apna kaam sambhala mgr aaj kuch bhi karne ko ji nahi chah raha tha yehi soch soch kar dil pareshan ho raha tha k pata nahi Allan kia kar raha hoga. Jitna jaldi khud ko farig kar sakta tha kia aur wapis hostel agaya. Wapsi par apne liye cigerate bhi le liye thy yeah aik naya kharcha tha jo main nahi karna chahta tha mgr aaj ki rat bht mushkil thi jab say yahan aya tha Allan mere sath tha aur aaj pehli dafa esa laga k main yahan tanha hon.

Main nai Allan ka laptop utha kar sambhal kar rakh dia aur khud mess main ja kar khana waghera khaya aur wahan say farig ho kar apne room main akar books khol kar beth gaya na hi khana sahi say khaya gaya tha aur na hi parhne main dil lag raha tha. Mainbed par akar let gaya. Aur apne aur Allan k sath guzre howe waqt ko yad karne laga pata nahi kitni dair tak meri ankhon say ansoo nikalte rahe, khud say batain karne laga aur kabh ki kabh main meri ankh lag gaye. Ankh khuli tu subh k 6 baj rahe thy mainnai fresh ho kar namaz parhi aur gid gida kar dua kari mujh ko himat mile aur sabr mile.

Phir ready ho kar University agaya aur routine k kam karne laga kisi kam main kisi class main dil nahi lag raha tha bus din kisi tarhan guzr jae yehi dua kar raha tha.

Kuch din ese hi guzr gaye har guzrane wala din meri uljhanmain izafa kar raha tha kiun k jabh say Allan gaya tha sirf aik hi dafa cal kari thi meri kisi cal aur text ka who reply nahi kar raha tha. Pata nahi wahan kia chal raha tha.

Main naiaik din unhi khatoon say (jin ka nam main yahan share nahi kar sakta) phone par contact kia unhon nai mujh ko agle din office bolwaya. Main next day uni say farig ho kar un k office puhancha. Yeah dunya k sab say bare news network ka office tha yahan meri mulaqat director say karwai gaye jo in khatoon k walid sahib thy aur ess news channel ki urdu service k director thy, mera aik buhat langa interview howa. Main nai un ko apne study visa aur aur limited work permission k bare main bataya. Un khatoon nai mujh ko yaqin dilaya k agr main yahan kaam liye select ho gaya tu mujh ko part tome job permission bhi wohi dilwain gi ar baqi mamlat bhi wooh khud he manage kare ge. Aik hi din main mere 2 interview howe aur main thaka hara hostel wapis agaya wapis akar Karachi call kari aur ami ko baytaya. Abhi ami say bat kar k pone rakha hi tha k mujh ko Allan ki call agai, main ess call ka bht becheni say intizar kar raha tha. Call receive karte hi main phat pada Allan nai meri pori bat suni aur waha k halat ka bataya aur kaha k uss ko wapis anai main kuch aur tym lage gaa main ai us ko laptop ka yad dilaya tu us ne kaha k who khud jan bojh kar mere liye chor kar gaya hai. Main nahi abhi tak us ka laptop istimal nahi kia tha. Wooh aik lambi call thi Allan nai mujh say mere bare main pocha aur apne bare main bataya sara tym who yehi kehta raha k main apna khayal rakhon aur pareshan nah on apni study karon aur meri new job k liye gud luck bhi kaha.

Allan say bat kar k kuch sakoon mila. Phir main nai Karachi aur Canada apni sis ko text kia aur sone k liye let gaya.